


use somebody

by halfempty



Category: Victorious
Genre: F/M, PTSD, Self-Harm, beck loves donnie darko, cat is really good at reading body language, jade has a dead brother, post-the worst couple, robbie babysits two hispanic children, she watches a lot of dawsons creek also, teenagers have sex with other teenagers, the care bears movie ii, tragic backstories
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-10-27
Updated: 2017-11-15
Packaged: 2018-02-22 21:21:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 29
Words: 81,572
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2522216
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/halfempty/pseuds/halfempty
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jade’s got a temper and a couple of secrets; Robbie’s got a lot of bad puns and even more insecurities. They end up helping each other.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> > Jade blinked skeptically at him. The boy was _not normal_. She’d tried to tell everyone this, many times. "Robbie, why are you hanging out with eight year olds?"
> 
> Please bear in mind that I wrote the first four of these chapters in 2011/2012. I'm much prouder of my writing skills now, and I think the story picks up a lot more after I finally decided to give it a plot. 

**Chapter One**

 

It wasn't like she intended to fall in love with Robbie Shapiro. Sometimes these misfortunate things just happened to her. It's not like she  _wanted_  to.

Everything had started late one afternoon when Jade was working her long shift at the shitty Marburn diner. She'd only been waitressing there for a few months, since before summer – right after her split with Beck – and it sucked but not as bad as Groovy Smoothie had. Her parents had divorced during eighth grade and most of Dad’s child support check went to Hollywood Arts. Jade’s mom had been pretty bad with work for the last year, so Jade had very maturely decided she needed a job right after her mom had screamed at her, “If you’re so worried about money, why don’t you get a job?”

Anyway, she'd just cleared table 7's dirty dishes and was leaning against the drinks counter, debating if she wanted to take her break now or wait until her shift is nearly over, when the entrance door across from her jingled open and Robbie wandered inside, flanked by two messy-haired children wearing matching blue shirts.

They stared at each other for a moment (Jade and Robbie, that was, not the two messy-haired children).

"You!" Jade said, glaring.

"You!" Robbie said, wide-eyed.

She half-expected Robbie to grab up his fledglings and just flee the restaurant. The two of them had never exactly had a good rapport, you know, and they hadn’t even really talked that much at school this year since she and Beck had broken up. Instead Robbie just crossed the room to stand nearer to her by the counter. The fledglings trailed after him, gazing at her with wide eyes.

"I didn't know you worked here!" Robbie said.

Jade didn’t have anything to do but glare. She felt weirdly attacked here in her safe shitty place of employment. She couldn’t believe Robbie was seeing her in her green apron. "Well, now you know. What are _you_ doing here?" The Marburn was pretty out of the way from where most of her classmates lived and not exactly in the best area. Sort of why she'd chosen it as her place of employment.

"Oh," said Robbie. "Well, this is where Julio (he said it the Spanish way, and she didnt quite know how to spell that out in her head –  _ _July?__ ) and Victor live. We were just playing mini-golf! Right guys?"

Julio and Victor nodded.

Jade blinked skeptically at him. The boy was __not normal__. She’d tried to tell everyone this, many times. "Robbie, why are you hanging out with eight year olds?"

"Oh!" Robbie said again. "Well, do you remember three weeks ago when Andre and I got stuck on the roof of the Black Box in our pear suits and I sort of had to roll down to the second level and then I rolled through a window and broke everything, and then Andre rolled in after me, and then Helen came in to see what was going on, and we sort of barreled over her?"

"Nope," Jade said.

"Oh," Robbie said. He frowned. "Well, three weeks ago Andre and I got stuck on the roof of the Black Box in our – "

"God, okay, I get it!"

"Sorry." Robbie grinned a little, abashed. "Um, so Helen was really mad, and we damaged two of the windows. But there's this town program, the Urban Friendship Foundation, it unites the city's neighborhoods – " Jade's eyes were glazing a bit with how much she didn't care – "and if Andre and I do this program for three months, the municipal building will pay for the new frames." The grin got a little bigger, and he slung his arms around Julio and Victor's shoulders. "These are my Buddies! I'm their Mentor!"

"Oh God," said Jade. To the kids: "I'm so sorry."

" _ _Hey!__  I'm perfectly capable of being a babysitter!"

"Whatever." She suddenly realized that they could be misconstrued by outside persons as having a _conversation_ and gave him a little glare. "I guess you guys want a table or something."

"Um." Robbie looked at her with slight trepidation. "If that's all right."

"Whatever," Jade said again. "Follow me, goons." She snagged up three menus and led them over to the far corner, Emily's section. Jade sure as hell wasn’t going to wait on them. She made it a point to give Robbie a children's menu as well, but he didn’t even have the good grace to look annoyed at her.

It was a little after four and the diner was pretty slow. Emily sent Jade a very darkglower as Robbie questioned her about what gluten-free products they served; her shift was over in less than an hour. Jade ignored the glower and busied herself behind the counter, rolling up silverware for the dinner rush. She could hear Robbie giggling and talking with the two little boys. He was drinking chocolate milk out of a little green cup.

By the time the ghoul school was done eating it was nearly five-thirty and she had to pick up their tab as they left. Robbie looked hesitant after she tossed his change back at him. He lingered by the drinks-counter.

Jade ignored him, rolling her silverware.

"Um," Robbie said. "So you – how late are you working tonight?"

"Til close." He stared, so she elaborated: "Eleven-thirty."

Robbie made a squeaking sound. "That late? It's a  _ _school night__!"

The unfathomable horrors! Jade rolled her eyes. "I'm pulling a double, loser. Well, a shift-and-a-half. Maria called out."

"Oh," Robbie said. He nodded seriously like he knew who Maria was. "Do you – so how are you getting home? Is your mom getting you?"

Jade tried not to laugh at the thought of her mother doing anything remotely helpful for her. "Uh, nope. I'm taking the bus."

Robbie made a distressed face. It made him look like a prune. "Oh," he said again. "That's sort of dangerous, isn’t it? Do you wait inside the bus terminal?"

Jade gave him a dark look and didn’t bother to respond, because he was stupid. Inside the bus terminal smelled like feet.

"Um," Robbie said at her non-response. "If you want, I can ... pick you up? When you're done."

What, did he really think she was going to risk being seen with him? "But it's a  _ _school night,__ " Jade mimicked him.

"That's okay," Robbie said. Once again he didn’t have the grace to look annoyed at her. "I'll be up anyway. You don't live that far from me."

Jade frowned up at him, a little put-off by his insistence. She honestly didn't know why Robbie'd ever want to do something nice for her. _She_ certainly hadn't done anything for  _him_. She didn’t think the wonderful impressions she'd done all last year of his blustering _trying-to-ask-Cat-out_ speech could be thought of as particularly nice.

"Um, whatever," she said finally. "It's up to you. I'm out of here at eleven-thirty either way."

"Okay," said Robbie, and grinned at her annoyingly. "I'll be here at eleven-twenty."

Jade didn't bother to reply. He lingered for a moment longer, shifting his weight from foot to foot. "Will you make sure Emily gets her tip?" he asked. "Tell her I'm sorry about the chocolate milk. I hope she can get it out of her shirt."

"It's not the first time it's happened."

The left corner of Robbie's mouth went up in an annoying little half-smile. "Okay," he said. "Well, see you."

"Whatever," said Jade. Then: “See you.” She continued leaning on the counter and watched him as he crossed the diner to stand by the boys, squatting down on his knees to pick their prizes out of the crane machine. She heard him say, "Aw, cool, you got a lady pirate sticker!"

Yuck. She rolled her last silverware and watched him grin and laugh with the boys. They didn’t seem that bad. The sole man sitting at the counter who came in every afternoon to drink shitty coffee and do paperwork and leave her bad tips intoned loudly, "Gee, miss, didn't know you got paid to watch your boyfriend interact with Latino children. Some of us been waiting on a refill for ten minutes."

Jade snarled. She brought him out a coffee cup fresh from the broken dishwasher, complete with a lipstick smear on the side. He didn't notice.

 


	2. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> > Sikowitz waved a purple ruler about when they came through the doorway. "Miss West and Mister Shapiro!" he cried. "Canoodling out in the hallway as usual!"
>> 
>> "What?" they said. Andre, who Jade had totally never liked anyway, chuckled loudly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter won't format for some reason no matter what I do; there's supposed to be italics and shit in places. Sorry!

October was cold this year, frost breeding on the ground early that mid-month morning as Jade stamped her feet out on her front porch, breath visible enough though she hadn't lit up her cigarette yet. Cat had said that she would give Jade a ride this morning, and she and her brother were late, as usual.

After another moment she heard the familiar rumble of Cat and her brother's old car from a few blocks away. Jade pulled her grey sweatshirt more tightly around her, beginning to descend the steps. She guessed she’d save her cigarette (stolen from Mom) for lunch break at school. She could never smoke around Beck without disapproving stares, but now that they'd been done for over five months it was easy to sneak out of the courtyard or library early before lunch ended and smoke out on the sidewalk.

"Hi hi!" Cat said happily to her once the car pulls up to the curb. She slid over to the middle of the front bench-seat as Jade opened the door.

"Hi hi," Cat's brother repeated in his usual annoying mockingjay voice. From the backseat: "Hi hi," echoed Robbie dismally.

"Hey," Jade grunted out in slight surprise, slipping into the car beside Cat. The dented door of the boat-sized car creaked loudly as she slammed it shut. "What's Pierrot doing here?"

Cat looked unsurprisingly blank. "Who?" she asked as her brother grinned slowly.

"Nothing," Jade said. "Nevermind."

"I am  _ _not__  a clown," Robbie said resentfully. "I prefer to think of myself as a voice actor."

Jade snorted and leaned her head back against the seat, arm resting against Cat's arm. Her shoulder hurt; it was so cold out. Robbie continued, though no one actually cared: "My car is in the shop. Do you remember how my brakes were squealing real badly and then they stopped?"

" _ _No,__ " said Jade with force.

"When were you in Robbie's car?" Cat asked.

"Haha!" said Robbie nervously. "I mean, I thought I told her. Well, Jade, my car actually isn't Christine. It wasn't fixing itself. I just have needed new brake pads for almost a year and they actually snapped off."

"Oh," Jade said. Hence his car gently careening past a stop sign as he'd screamed hysterically three nights ago. Jade nearly had a panic attack. It had been embarassing, but Robbie had just apologized a lot. They’d had to sit in an empty parking lot for five minutes for her to calm down, and then she’d made Robbie buy her a coffee.

It had been the third time he'd picked her up from work. Jade wondered if he wanted money or something. She hadn't  _ _asked__  him to come get her. He'd just asked her at school if she would be closing again, and when she'd said yes, there he’d been that night, car idling in the parking lot promptly at eleven twenty-five. Who was she not to accept a free ride?

An Outkast song came on the radio, and Cat's brother turned it up. Jade watched Robbie's eyebrows shoot up in the rearview mirror as Cat and her brother immediately begin singing and shimmying in tandem.

__"Sir Luscious got gator belts and patty melts_ _

__And Monte Carlo's and El Dorado's_ _

__I'm waking up out of my slumber feeling like Ralo_ _

__So follow, it's showtime at the Apollo – "_ _

Cat and her brother flapped their hands in each others' face, then dissolved briefly into laughter before managing to begin the chorus with gusto. Jade spat some of Cat's hair out of her mouth.

Robbie looked very overwhelmed. Jade smirked and thought of the cigarette in her hoodie pocket with longing. She was used to the Outkast.

Cat's brother got them to Hollywood Arts four minutes before the first bell rang, about the norm for them and fairly late for everyone else. Jade wasn’t sure how he made it across town without being late, but she didn't think he cared too much. He and Cat were fraternal twins, but Cat got the voice talent and he got more of the crazy. He was a senior over at Northridge. They rushed into the school and Cat made a right towards her locker and Jade and Robbie headed to the left.

Jade battled with her locker as Robbie, who had been assigned directly across the hall from her in a possible attempt by Hollywood Arts authorities to have her transfer out, kicked at his to open it.

You'd think the school would use some of its astronomical budget to purchase new locks every over decade or so. But Jade supposed that since Tori'd transferred in, they'd been spending most of Jade's parents money on making sure  _ _Miss Make It Shine__  got to star in everything ever and steal everyone’s boyfriends.

Great, now she'd started thinking of how annoying Tori was before first period even started! She gave the dial of her locker another futile twist, already beginning to grind her teeth. "God  _ _damn__  it."

Behind her she heard the soft squeak of Robbie being hovering and hesitant. "Is your locker stuck too?"

Jade gave him a dark look over her shoulder. "No, I just think it's fun to pretend I can't get it open. I love looking like a total asshole in the hallways."

Robbie laughed instead of scoffing at her or being annoyed. “That is my favorite pastime,” he said. He came over to stand by her locker and looked over at her once again. He was fiddling at nothing with his hands so that the cuffs of his sweater fell over his skinny wrists. He was always moving his hands, annoying her. Jade took a speculative step back and made a stupid presenting motion, giving him access to her locker.

Robbie rolled up one sleeve of his sweater and it promptly fell back down again. He set her locker dial to to zero, then grabbed the handle of the locker and pulled at the same time that he gave the door a little kick. It swung open immediately with a little creak of protest.

"Huh," Jade said dumbly.

“It’s just like mine," Robbie said. "I think they reset the locks over the summer and never reprogrammed them."

"Huh." She hadn't known you could even do that. The bell rung, and they both screamed a little in dismay. Whenever you were late to Sikowitz's class he always made you do something stupid. Robbie waited for her to gather her books so that they could make the death march into Improv together.

Sikowitz waved a purple ruler about when they came through the doorway. "Miss West and Mister Shapiro!" he cried. "Canoodling out in the hallway as usual!"

"What?" they said. Andre, who Jade had totally never liked anyway, chuckled loudly.

Sikowitz waved some more. "ABC improv!" he said and they both groaned. "See how many rounds you can get in before I lose interest. Gentleman first, Robbie." With a purple flourish, he pointed Robbie to the stage.

Robbie sighed heavily and went to stand on the stage platform, shoulders hunching. "Aren't there laws against this sort of thing in other countries?"

The corner of Jade's mouth turned up without her meaning to. "Bulgaria is bordered to the east by the Black Sea."

"Could you kindly repeat that?"

"Don't you even listen when I talk?"

"Even if I did it wouldn't make any sense."

"Forgive me, I have a little speech impediment."

Robbie took a second to think. "Goat's milk could help with that."

"Hello, tried it already."

Sikowitz was nodding approvingly, moving to sit and relax at his desk as they went on. They made it through the alphabet twice before Cat wandered in, later than late, and had to join them. She immediately started in on the wrong letter and messed everyone up.

Once class ended Jade stood beside Cat's desk waiting for her to pack up her things so they could head to English together. It wasn’t like they were b _ _est friends__  or anything lame like that, but she and Cat had had English together after Improv since freshman year. It was just habit. Plus, on the weeks that her brother got the car, Cat always made him pick up Jade.

"Sorry I messed up your act," Cat said. She was rooting around in her backpack and being slow like usual. She pulled out a candy bar, looked at it speculatively.

"It's okay," Robbie said, annoying Jade by also still being in the classroom.

Jade snatched the candy bar away before Cat could become distracted, but Cat beamed at Robbie, sidetracked anyway. "It sounded like you guys were  _ _on fire__. Maybe you should get paired together more."

"Um," Robbie said doubtfully.

"Yeah," Jade said, "how 'bout not."

Cat hummed and looked sadly at the candy bar. Jade stuffed it quickly into her own purse.

Robbie fiddled with his own backpack which probably didn’t contain numerous candy bars or if it did they’d be something lame like Heath bars. "So you - " he says. "Jade, do you – want to sit with us at lunch?"

Jade snorted. "Yeah right."

Cat frowned and Jade felt bad. Robbie frowned too. "Oh," he says. "I just thought – "

"Thought  _ _what?__ "

"Well, I just – Cat gave you a ride and stuff, I didn't know you guys got rides together – "

"Jade won't ride with me when I have the car because I pick up Tori!" Cat burbled annoyingly, spewing Jade's business as usual.

Robbie blinked. "Okay," he says, "fair enough. I just thought, you know, maybe, I thought it would be nice – "

For some reason he sounded like  _ _Beck__  or something. It struck a chord in her – not a good one. Oh Jade, it’d be nice if you changed eighty percent of your personality.

"I'm not nice," Jade said flatly, and walked away to class without Cat.

She did sit with them, though, the next day. It didn’t matter. Maybe Robbie had half a point or something … a quarter of a point, even. It wouldn't kill her to be the tiniest bit nicer to Cat. She’d known Cat for almost four years now, and while they weren’t friends or anything, they were friendly. Ish.

They probably could have been friends, but Jade had been so stupid when she’d dated Beck. She’d thought she didn’t need anyone else. Now it was too late to be friends with Cat, she thought, and anyway sometimes Cat talked a lot and Jade wasn’t sure she could handle that.

Cat picked the brightest, sunniest spot to sit at in the courtyard and she happily ate her sandwich and drank from her three different juice boxes. She talked on about Improv and candy and what movie she was going watch while she did her homework when she got home. Robbie made absent sounds of agreement at her and ate his weird chickpeas sandwich. It was just the three of them, and - God, he listened to this _ _every day?__

There had been a point when they'd all sat together – Jade and Beck and Cat and Robbie and Andre. Beck was friends with them, good friends, and Jade sort of knew Cat from English, after all. When Tori’d had transferred into Hollywood Arts, she'd joined them, though Jade had tried to make Beck sit at a table alone with just her a lot.

Now that they were broken up, well – sometimes Beck sat with Tori and Andre, sometimes with Cat and Robbie, but mostly he hung out with other seniors now, people Jade didn't know. Jade usually skipped and ate lunch in the library alone.

She stabbed absently at her salad and tried to covertly glower over across the courtyard at where Beck was sitting with his new chick of the month, some punk junior. She was tall and stick-thin, with a shaved part in her multicolored locks. She had a nose ring and a lot of earrings, pale pale smooth skin. Jade's fork scraped the plate particularly hard when Beck laughed loudly at something she said. Jade rubbed her shoulder self-consciously.

Next to her, Robbie crunched loudly on a carrot stick, following her gaze and reminding her that she was utterly transparent. "I think he's overcompensating a little much," he says.

Jade raised an eyebrow and tried to look impassive. She looked down at her disgusting salad. ”What do you mean?"

 _ _Crunch, crunch__. "Nothing, she just … uh, I don't know. Beck's ... I don't know."

"She looks like you," Cat put in brightly, then turned her attention back to her cheese sandwich.

Robbie sent Cat an indeterminable look. He wiped his mouth and stuffed another carrot stick in his mouth. "Yeah, I guess so. Superficially. She's not like you though. She’s not very smart. He – he had a bunch of them over at the RV the other day. We were watching Star Wars and she had a million questions about everything. Like, it’s Star Wars. What is there to question? Luke uses The Force."

Jade didn’t know what to say. She didn’t know why Robbie thought she was smart. "I don't care," she tells her disgusting salad. "I mean, he can do whatever he wants. Or whoever."

"Well, I like you better," Cat said. Jade glared over at her sharply. She hadn't realized Cat had been listening so intently.

Robbie cleared his throat. "Um, me too," he says.

"I don't care," Jade said again, even though the both of them saying that made her feel sort of good. She hadn't done anything to make either of them like her more than anyone.

Robbie hummed.  _ _Crunch.__

"God, you pig," Jade said. "That's like your fourth bag of food."

 _ _Crunch, crunch.__  Robbie tried to glower at her around his mouthful of carrot, succeeding only in looking very stupid. He drank his water bottle. They all fell silent for a few minutes, eating (well, Bozo and Cat eating, and Jade glowering). After a few moments, Jade cleared her throat. She said, "I'm working late tonight. I'm closing."

"Okay," Robbie said once he finished the rest of his carrot. "Um. I have my car back now. Eleven-thirty?"

"Yeah," Jade said.

Cat looked interested, but thankfully didn’t ask any questions. Jade pulled the candy bar from yesterday out of her purse and started unwrapping it. She gave a third to Cat and a third to Robbie.

 


	3. Chapter Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> > Robbie beamed at her hopefully. He was always damn smiling at her, and she didn’t know why.

**Chapter Three**

 

It was Robbie’s fault when they start to hang out outside of school, too. It was Friday and the last bell of the day had just rung. Jade slammed her locker shut with too much force, holding her American Lit book tightly against her chest. They'd been studying the Transcendentalists this month, and the five-page paper that was due tomorrow, well – let's just say that she hadn't started it, because … you know, she hadn't started it.

It was purely coincidental that Puppet Nerd was finishing up at his own locker at the same time. He’d usually be in the art room, sketching, or doing camera shit for the school plays, Jade thought. He moved quickly to walk in step with her as she made her way down the hallway. Jade glared at him when he didn’t say anything right away. "What do you want?"

"You seem to be getting increasingly agitated as the day goes on," Robbie said, doing his dork psychologist bit. "Are you ... um, are you all right?"

Jade almost stopped walking in surprise. She honestly couldn’t remember the last time anyone'd asked something that simple – if she was all right. She guessed that the general consensus is just:  _ _no, she's not,__  and  _ _don't bother__. She clenched her jaw to keep her scowl set hard on her face as she kept on towards the main exit. "Oh, I'm just peachy," she told him. She was so peachy that she was using stupid words like peachy.

There was the long silence of Robbie being hovering and doubtful.

She wasn't actually just peachy, and after another few seconds of him not speaking, Jade barreled out: "It's just, you know, this stupid English paper, I forgot it was due, and I don't want to have to go home and write it. I hate the weekend."

"Well," says Robbie.

"Like, look, it’s __Friday__ , that means my stupid mom will probably have her idiot new boyfriend over for the whole night, they drink too much and they're way too goddamn loud, last night he brought all this fucking pot over, and I won't be able to get anything done, and I'm just really pissed off, okay?"

Robbie looked very overwhelmed, moreso than when Cat had belted out Outkast in her car last week. “I’m sorry.”

" _ _Whatever,__ " Jade gritted out, furious at herself for slipping up. She was well aware that people don't really care to hear about your life when it isn't perfect. She’d had years and years to learn that. Everyone here would rather dance around their problems, pretend they don't exist, make a song out of it.  _ _Here's to the Mondays__. Here's to the Fridays, too. Here’s to every other fucking day.

Robbie didn’t say anything else, which was irritating, and he kept walking next to her, which was even more irritating. Jade whirled away from him once they reached the cement steps, intent on leaving him without saying goodbye. Robbie cleared his throat.

"Jade," he said quickly, "you can come to my house if you want. Um. I won't, you know. Be drinking or smoking pot."

She stopped, back to him, and for once, she really had nothing to say. She felt very unsure of herself. She couldn’t believe she’d told him her mom drank and smoked pot.

"I mean," Robbie continued, sounding unsure too, "I have the same paper as you. My mom won't be home until late, so – so there's no one to bother us."

Jade chewed on her bottom lip thoughtfully, turning to look at him. His earnest face practically killed her, he looked so hopeful for some reason. "Um. I dunno."

Robbie beamed at her hopefully. He was always damn smiling at her, and she didn’t know why. He said, the clincher, "There's an Inside Out Burger right up the street from me."

"You paying?" Jade folded her arms, considering him.

More beaming. "Yeah, yeah, of course!"

Jade just stared at him. Robbie stared back. She didn’t know what to do. If she could make him break and retract his statement, they could just part ways now, none the wiser, with nothing changed. She didn’t have anything mean to say, though, and he was just looking back at her, all bug-eyed and holding Rex limply at his side. She really didn’t want to go home.

"All right. Fine. What else've I got to do?"

Robbie gave out one of his excited yelps. "So you'll come over?"

"Christ, don't broadcast it!"

"Sorry." He gave her an apologetic look before breaking out into another one of his insufferable grins. "Come on!" he said, glowing, and reached for her arm before he remembered that he valued his life. He let his hand drop. "My car's this way!"

Jade watched after him for a moment, features twisted up at the pain of him, before heaving out a sullen sigh and pushing herself forward, following.

At least she didn't have to catch the bus home now.

Robbie's home – house, half-house, duplex, whatever the hell you call it – wasn't really the sort of place she'd expected him to live in. She'd always imagined he resided in some sort of sterile environment, like a giant test tube, or a containment cell. You know, like the ones those androids are always sleeping inside of in the scifi movies Beck had used to make her watch. Robbie lived just outside of LA, actually not that far from her. It was one of the more suburban sections, not in the hills where Beck and Cat and Tori's houses were.

Inside the house was cramped and sort of dark, and Robbie rushed across the living room to turn on a lamp. His couch was hideous and plaid-patterned like the shirts he usually wore.

Jade looked around the room suspiciously as Robbie puttered about, shoving a stack of magazines off of the coffee table and grabbing up a pile of sweaters from the couch.

"Sorry," he apologized. "Sort of messy, my mom's been working late a lot – "

"It's cool," Jade said, still looking around. Oh my god, a baby picture of Robbie on a bearskin rug! She moved closer to the picture on the wall, exclaiming, "Shapiro, Jesus, how were you such a fat baby?!"

"Oh my god," said Robbie in deep distress. "I forgot that was just ... out. Yeah. The wall of shame. You'll find a lot of random childhood pictures of me on a lot of different rugs thrown around here. Do you want a soda or something?"

The perks of being at Robbie's house. Jade said, "Sure," still holding the picture in a great joy. Baby Robbie's mouth was open in a big drooly grin, and his one baby tooth shone gleamingly in the flash of the camera. His curly baby hair stuck up in corkscrews like a cartoon. "God, what else do you got around here?"

Robbie made another distressed little noise. He disappeared into the kitchen, still clutching the mountain of sweaters. Jade delighted in looking at everything while he was gone. She was picking up and inspecting an old bookend, chipped and shaped like a half-globe, when Robbie returned, glasses jiggling with ice.

"I hope you like pineapple soda, because we don't have anything else!"

Jade jumped a little when a pile of blankets in the corner of the room shifted suddenly. Robbie tittered like someone’s mom. "Just the cat," he said. He placed the two glasses on the edge of coffee table and collapsing down on the couch.

"The ... cat," Jade repeated blankly, and watched as the blankets shift again to reveal the most bit-up and decrepit-looking tabby that she’d ever seen in her life. It must have been orange at some point, maybe. Its fur was now a shineless dishwater-rust color. Its tail was kinked, with a little bald spot at the tip. The cat trained its watery gaze on her, rocking on its fat haunches for a moment before slowly creaking into a sitting position. "God, what a mess."

Robbie gave her a reproachful look. "Ginger is old!" he said.

" _ _Ginger?__ "

The cat yowled at the mention of its name. It moved with alarming cat-speed to make a wide beeline around Jade, coming to rest at the foot of the couch. It stared raptly up at Robbie. "Did you find that thing on the street or something?" Jade asked.

"No!" says Robbie. He looked like a prune again. "Ginger has been around since I was a baby. She's very nice."

Ginger yowled agreeably.

"Well," said Robbie. "I mean. She  _ _was__  nice. Sometimes. She doesn't like loud noises or new people very much. Or the front door. I've slammed her tail in the front door four times now."

"Jesus, Shapiro!" Jade said. She walked around the back of the couch and sat at the end opposite from him. "That's abuse!"

Robbie looked upset and even more like a prune. "It is not!" he said. "It was accidental!"

Ginger let out another gross cat noise, creaking up once more to stand. Jade watched as the cat trained its eyes from Robbie to the couch cushion that was beside him. Its fat and ancient haunches begin to sway, judging the jump.

"No!" Robbie told it rapidly. "No, no. You can't come up. Company's here."

Ginger swayed some more.

"Oh my god," said Robbie in deep distress again.

"Just let it happen, Robbie," Jade said. She felt pretty happy and amused despite herself. She reached down to pull her English book up onto her lap.

The cat lept messily, front paws thudding rather gloriously in Shapiro's lap. Jade laughed in glee as Robbie emitted a strangled yelp which can only mean one thing: _ _fat cat paws on your balls.__  It was great. Ginger's back legs dangled dangerously off of the edge of the couch for a moment. It gave out another another rusted yowl, scratching furiously until it righted itself, then turned once and collapsed down on Robbie.

Robbie made a horrible face and then sighed heavily, calming himself. The cat began to purr loudly, not at all bothered when Robbie reached around it to take his own English book out.

Jade tried not to smile. Robbie started reading aloud from their English book.

 


	4. Chapter Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> > "So in your abject loneliness, you decided to come and bother me at work?"
>> 
>> Robbie gave her a tiny smile, as if she was being amusing instead of rude and cold. "I guess so," he said. "I don't have anything else to do now."
>> 
>> "God, you sure know how to make a girl feel special."

****chapter four** **

November was cold and depressing. The days, although growing shorter, seemed neverending. Jade hadn't ever really cared that much about school, but she cared even less since the end of junior year: shortly before Beck had dumped her, but after her father had informed her that he probably wouldn't be paying for college.

Life wasn't horrible, Jade kept reminding herself. It wasn’t like she was dead or anything, or terminally ill. She just got this way sometimes. She'd been trying to convince herself that she was just getting bogged down into her usual winter slump. Seasonal depression was a real thing, you know. Sophomore year she’d gotten really bad and just laid in bed all the time and ate chips. Beck had gotten frustrated because she’d missed his play and they’d almost broken up. But she’d gotten better again.

This year felt different. She had a low, sad, prickling feeling that this year’s depression might become lasting. A terminal illness called …  _ _growing up.__ It sucked ass.

Cat'd helped her apply for financial aide, and she'd managed to put out all of her school applications on time, state schools that were local and wouldn’t cost much money. Jade hadn't bothered to ask her mother about college yet. Mom hadn’t gone to college and used to make good money singing. She probably thought Jade wanted to do that too. Jade figured that she could just take out loans like everyone else. Maybe her dad would at least cosign them if he wouldn’t help pay for school. She didn’t need to be special.

It was a hard and hurtful process, realizing that you weren't special. Not that she had ever really thought that.

Cat had been … helpful, recently. She hadn't asked many questions when Jade had enlisted her for help with the financial aide. She had only seemed happy that Jade might be going to State with her and suggested they go and visit the campus after the holidays. She had brought in cupcakes yesterday, gluten-free chocolate with candy-cane icing, for Jade and Robbie at school. She hadn't given any to Tori, and they didn't even taste that bad, which had elevated Jade's mood a tiny bit.

Robbie'd still been picking her up from her night shifts at work, two or three times a week. It was about a ten minute ride back to her house, a nice comparison to the thirty minutes it took when Jade rode the bus there in the afternoon.

They didn’t talk very much on the drive, usually. Robbie would ask her how her shift was, and she'd either say fine or complain a little bit. Then they’d chat absently about how school had been that day. Jade would ask him about his art class; she’d ask to borrow his math homework during Improv. They weren’t really becoming friends or anything. She hadn’t thought.

That'd all changed a little bit two over weeks ago, at the start of November. Not that long after she’d came to his house. Robbie had shown up at her work early, around nine o'clock. He'd came into the diner and stood by the door, looking around a little bit. It was really cold out that night, windy, and his face was bright pink from the night air. He had a hideous orange-and-red scarf wrapped around his neck. Jade had been passing by with a tray of chicken fingers for table nine and had shot him a confused glare as she walked by.

When she had came back from serving her table, Robbie was seated at the drinks counter, shoulders hunched over and head bowed down. Jade wiped her hands on her apron and came to stand behind the counter. She leaned her elbows on the counter, looking at him.

"I thought you were going to be at your dad's this weekend," she said coldly – her usual tone. Robbie had told her earlier today at lunch he wouldn't be around to pick her up tonight.

Robbie had looked up in surprise. She guessed he hadn't seen her heading his way. He shrugged a little listlessly. "I was," he said. "I came back to my mom's, though."

"Why?" Jade demanded. She had to remind herself that she didn't care.

Robbie didn't fire off with his usual annoyingly long-winded story for once. He only flapped his hand half-heartedly in a dismissive motion at her. "I didn't … I wanted to go home. My dad's a jerk. He didn't care."

"Oh." Jade felt surprised. She couldn't remember the last time Shapiro'd said anything not nice about … well, anyone. It was one of his least-charming qualities, his seemingly endless positivity.

Not that he had any charming qualities, you know. It was just surprising. The fact that maybe Robbie wasn’t crazy about his dad and his perfect family was surprising.

She guessed they weren’t really perfect. His parents were divorced like hers, and he almost never mentioned his dad.

Jade hadn't heard from her own father in nearly two months, and he only lived across LA from them. It seemed like he never wanted to talk to her after what had happened, and she didn’t blame him. Even so. She could understand someone thinking their father was a jerk.

Robbie didn't respond immediately to her scintillating response of "Oh," so Jade had felt the need to further fill the silence. Usually Shapiro was good for that, but he was off his game tonight. "So in your abject loneliness, you decided to come and bother me at work?"

Robbie gave her a tiny smile, as if she was being amusing instead of rude and cold. "I guess so," he said. "I don't have anything else to do now."

"God, you sure know how to make a girl feel special."

The smile quickly became apologetic. "I'm sorry! I didn't mean … " He trailed off. In a small voice, he asked, "I was wondering if you would serve me a coffee."

"It's after nine!" Jade exclaimed to him in a mocking tone. "Should you really be having caffeine at such a late hour?"

"It's Friday night," Robbie pointed out, smiling. "I can live dangerously."

Jade had rolled her eyes heavily. "Do you want cream and sugar?"

Robbie pursed his lips. "That's a little _ _too__  dangerously," he'd said.

Jade scoffed hard to cover up her amused laugh. She'd turned without another word to him, heading towards the kitchen to grab up a mug for him and to print out table nine's check. In a rare moment of charity, she selected a cup for Robbie out of the good dishwasher.

That had been the first night Robbie had forced his presence on her, and he'd been coming into the diner every night she worked late since then. He never really bothered her that much. Okay, just his  _ _presence__  there bothered her, but not very much, since he was her ride home. He only drank his coffee or hot chocolate and remained pretty quiet with his homework papers spread in front of him at the counter. After the first week, Jade started bringing her Calculus notebook with her to work and making him check over her homework, too.

By the second week, she was getting really annoyed and she couldn’t ignore the pricky feeling that had been building up in her chest for days and days. It was almost ten when she planted herself across from Robbie at the drinks counter once more, looming awkwardly. Robbie was engrossed in the chapter he was reading in their English book and didn’t look up right away. Jade waited for him to notice her. By the time he did her hands were balled up into fists and she was scowling.

Robbie blinked. “Are you okay?”

"Look, Shapiro,” Jade bit out. “You don't have to like … hang out here. It's not like I can talk to you much anyway."

Robbie stared up at her, the tips of his big ears reddening. He shifted back and forth slightly on the worn bar stool. He made a slight prune face. "Um. I know."

"Well, you don't ...” Jade thought about it. “I don't need you to feel  _ _sorry__  for me or anything. I mean, I guess, I'm thankful for the rides or whatever, but – "

Both of the ears were entirely red now. Robbie interrupted her: "I don't feel sorry for you!" He looked at her like she was a crazy woman.

"Oh." Jade deflated. She unclenched her hands. "Well, what're you hanging out here for? The coffee sucks. And all the jukebox plays is Blues Traveler."

Robbie's gaze found the tabletop again. "I like Blues Traveler," is all he says. “Do you hate me being here so much?"

Jade stared at him. He looked so sad looking at her with his red ears, and she felt stupid. She always got so defensive so quick.

"No," she said crisply. "I guess not. I just don't know why you'd want to be here. I sure as hell don't."

Robbie smiled at the tabletop. "I don't have anything else to do. I can't even practice with Rex anymore since Cat's brother broke his jaw when he tossed him out the window."

"Oh yeah." That had been a pretty good day. "I thought you were going to get him fixed?" Jade demanded.

"I don't have any money." Robbie looked dejected. "My dad usually gives me money, but … um. My mom works two jobs now. I can't ask her for anything." He frowned in misery. "I probably won't even be able to get a present for Sikowitz's Pollyanna."

Ugh. Jade had gotten  _ _Tori__  this year. "You could probably work here," Jade blurted out without thinking. She cursed herself silently. Then again: hell, Shapiro was practically here half the time she is, anyway. It wouldn't be so horrible to have him breaking dishes in the background. "I could ... get you a job."

"Really?" Robbie looked heartened for a minute, then frowned. "Um … I don't think I would be a very good waiter. Sikowitz says I need to work on my people skills."

"Yeah, you do," Jade said immediately. Robbie frowned subconsciously, and Jade softened, feeling guilty. "But, um … we need a busboy for nights. Maria's son is sick. You wouldn't be taking people's orders. Just collecting dirty dishes."

Robbie's goony smile threatened to break his face. Jade noted that he looked a hundred percent less of a sad sack when he was beaming at someone like that and not making the prune face. It almost made her feel sort of good. "That would be amazing! You'd really do that for me, Jade?"

Gross. "Robbie, stop being emotional. it's not a big deal. You shouldn't be happy that I'm condemning you to this hellhole." Robbie only continued to grin at her emotionally. She rolled her eyes. "I'll tell Craig about you tonight. He already knows who you are."

Her manager, Craig, had been quite amused by her five-minute screaming rant when he'd referred to Robbie as her boyfriend last week. It wasn't so bad. He could have fired her.

"Amazing." Robbie simply would not stop smiling, ever. "Thanks, Jade. You're amazing."

"Amazing people get their Calc homework done for them," she said sweetly. "I'm two days behind. Show your work, please."

"You got it." Robbie diligently reached for her Calculus homework.

Jade poured him some more coffee.

 


	5. Chapter Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> > Cat was weirdly popular, Jade thought. Maybe not weirdly. Cat was nice enough, nice to everyone. She was always doing a million activities and tutoring kids and planning all the school dances and doing eighty of Sikowitz’s plays. Most people liked Cat, Jade guessed. It was weird that she just sat outside with Robbie at lunch for four years, and now Jade too.

  **Chapter Five**

 

She and Robbie had only been working together for a few weeks, but it felt like longer. They usually worked together two or three short nights a week, three or four hours, and one long day and evening, either Saturday or Sunday. Craig had been letting Jade leave at nine with Robbie instead of closing. He was actually a kind of not-that-shitty boss, and he knew Robbie was her ride home. He was probably counting down the days til Robbie turned eighteen so he could make them both stay late and close.

It wasn’t really probably. He’d even said to Robbie earlier ‘I’m counting down the days til you turn eighteen so I can make you both stay late and close.’ The only regular closers were Maria, whose son was still sick, and Stella, who was really old and never counted out the register the right way. She was kind of an incompetent legend at the Marburn.

As they’d left that night Robbie looked happy. He hadn’t broken any dishes today, a new first for him. “Craig wanting us to close means we’re good employees, right?”

Jade snatched his keys and hurried to the passenger side of his car so she wouldn’t have to wait for him to unlock the doors. It was pretty cold that night, and she hadn’t brought a hoodie. “No. It means he knows we both have no social lives and is happy to take advantage of our pathetic need for under the table wages.” She laughed at his face.

Robbie got into the driver’s seat, still making a face. He took his keys back from her and started up his car. “We have social lives,” he said.

“ _You_ might,” Jade said before she could stop herself. It was kind of true. He’d always been hanging out with them when she and Beck had been together; she figured they probably still did dumb boy stuff together.

Jade didn’t really have anyone to do dumb girl stuff with. She never had. She and Cat weren’t that close, and Tori was a bitch. She didn’t know why she was basically admitting to Robbie that she was a huge loser, though. Maybe worse than him.

Robbie made one of his annoying faces. He hesitated for a minute. “Well, we both went to Stella’s surprise birthday party,” he said finally.

Jade laughed at him again. “That was at our job, during our shift.” She thought about it. “It was not even her real birthday, actually.”

“Got to eat stale cake, though.”

Jade turned the stereo up as Robbie pulled onto the highway. After a few days of him giving her rides – before he’d even started working with her, really – he’d started playing the 90s radio station on Pandora, Jade’s preference. He grinned at her as she sang enthusiastically along to a Sugar Ray song.

“You’re so strange. I can’t believe you know all these old songs.”

Jade gave him A Look. First of all, he was the one that knew all the words to all the stupid Blues Traveler songs on the work radio. He’d even been trying to learn the harmonica part to _Hook_ this last week. He practiced outside in the parking lot on break. Jade and Emily loved it, because he scared away customers. “I’m cultured,” she told him. “And I just wanna _fly._ Put your arms around me baby. Put your arms around me baby.”

Robbie laughed at her, but not in a mean way. Jade stopped singing and told him before she could help herself, “My brother won me this CD at the carnival when I was like eight. It was the first CD I got.”

She shut up real quick. She hoped he wouldn’t ask her about her brother or anything, but luckily he just smiled at her again. Robbie was always smiling at her, being annoying. Jade sang a Shania Twain song and tried to get Robbie to harmonize to _The Boy is Mine_ , but he only knew the chorus, tragically.

Robbie turned off the highway, driving slowly down Broad Street. “Want to get food?” he asked her.

Jade hesitated. Sometimes when they worked the same nights, she’d been going to his house after school with him to study, and then he’d drive them both to the diner.

Robbie’s house was quieter than hers because his mother was always working and didn’t do drugs like hers. She didn’t mind being there – she hadn’t even had to meet his mom yet, and had only seen his little sister twice. It was the first person’s house she’d been to aside from Beck’s in a long time, aside from a few lame parties over the summer and at the start of the school year. She didn’t really consider it ‘hanging out’ or anything, because they just did schoolwork and sometimes watched the weird collection of horror movies that Robbie had.

They weren’t really friends or anything – she didn’t _think_. Jade didn’t know how to have friends. She hadn’t really even been friends with Beck before they’d started dating. She didn’t need another person snaking their way in, knowing stuff about her that they could use against her later after they didn’t like her anymore.

“No, it’s okay. It’s pretty late.” It was only nine-twenty, but they had school tomorrow. It was Thursday.

“Okay.” Robbie looked disappointed, which was stupid. He didn’t need to be with her to get burgers. He turned left at the end of Broad Street towards her house instead of going right towards his. Jade sang a Third Eye Blind song and then a Backstreet Boys song and then they were pulling up to her house, which was thankfully dark. Maybe her mom wasn’t home.

“Let me know if you finish the math homework before fourth period,” Jade told him. She unclicked her seatbelt.

“Okay. See you in Improv.”

“Okay.”

 

Robbie finished the math homework before 4th period – quadratic equations – and he let her copy it during Improv. Sikowitz never did anything on Friday, and Jade and Robbie and Cat all pushed their desks together like usual. Jade let Cat paint her nails a glittery silver color, writing with her left hand for five minutes when Cat grabbed her right, shaky handwriting almost sliding off the page of her math worksheet. Robbie talked loudly about his sister’s play; Cat told them that she would be late to lunch because she had to go to a meeting about the Christmas dance.

Cat was weirdly popular, Jade thought. Maybe not weirdly. Cat was nice enough, nice to everyone. She was always doing a million activities and tutoring kids and planning all the school dances and doing eighty of Sikowitz’s plays. Most people liked Cat, Jade guessed. It was weird that she just sat outside with Robbie at lunch for four years, and now Jade too.

“I guess we’ll survive somehow,” Jade said, trying not to smudge her nails. At lunch, she ate Robbie’s cookies and laughed at him as he continued to try to learn _Hook_ on his harmonica. No one sat near them, because Robbie was terrible at learning _Hook_ on his harmonica. Cat came running into the courtyard five minutes before the period ended, and Jade gave her the peanut butter sandwich that she’d bought but hadn’t eaten ( _not_ to save for Cat. She just hadn’t expected Robbie to allow his cookies to be stolen so easily).

“Thanks!” Cat said happily. She unwrapped the sandwich in two seconds and gave Jade and Robbie a flyer for the Christmas dance. It was on mint green printer paper and had red lettering that had run weird, kind of making it look like it was from a horror movie or something. Christmas Festivus. Gross.

“Can we still have a Christmas dance in 2014?” Jade asked. “Isn’t it discriminatory against other religions? Muslims and shit, Jews like Robbie?”

“Oh. Gosh.” Cat looked miffed. She frowned at Robbie over the peanut butter sandwich. “Do you feel discriminated against, Robbie?”

Robbie blew into his harmonica again – Cat and Jade rolled their eyes. “You guys may not know this, but I am not actually Jewish.”

“What?” said Jade. Cat said, “Huh?”

“My evil, adulterous father is Jewish,” Robbie told them. He crumbled up his empty cookie bag without pouting at Jade. “Jewish kids have Jewish mothers. My mom never converted. We have an actual Christmas tree.”

“Huh,” said Jade. She had seen the Christmas tree last week, but assumed it was just for conformity. She said, “But, okay. I’ve been making fun of you for being Jewish for three years. And sometimes you say Yiddish shit.”

“You seemed to be enjoying yourself. I couldn’t hurt you like that.”

“Huh,” Jade said again, blinking.

Robbie blew into his harmonica again. “Does that sound like the right chord?”

“Not really,” said Jade.

Improv and lunch were the highlights of Jade’s day. Fourth period – Math – Jade had to sit parallel to Beck and pretend not to notice him talking to every girl but her. Seventh period on Mondays and Fridays was study hall, which should be the best, but Rider Daniels was in it with her this year.

Rider was one of two guys she had hooked up with over the summer. She’d only been out with him two or three times, house parties that were too loud and she didn’t like, but had lots of alcohol, which she had liked.

Jade had never really talked to Rider before. She knew his reputation, and she wasn’t stupid. But she’d still been trying to get over Beck for most of the summer, and Rider had one thing going for him – he wasn’t Beck. He was also pretty hot and popular, and so was a good guy for her to go out with. It was summer, so she knew he couldn’t use her to try and get an A in a class project. She’d responded to his message on Splashface.

They’d fooled around twice – she’d given him a handjob in someone’s bedroom and wiped her hand off on some girl’s poor coat that had been discarded on the bed; he’d felt her up and had been surprisingly not that awesome at it. He was also kind of an asshole, and not that funny or smart, which was disappointing. She’d known pretty much right away that she wasn’t interested in him. Then in August she’d been offered more hours at work and it was easy to start ignoring his texts. She'd blocked him on Splashface when he’d asked her why she was being a bitch. Now she always felt like he was talking about her in class and it made her feel sick and irritated, even though she knew she was probably being paranoid.

Rider sat at the table behind her and kept whispering to the blonde freshman girl that sat beside him, which was also sick and irritating. Jade thought it was disgusting when older guys went after freshman.

Or when older girls went after freshman. Can’t discriminate – gross is gross. Jade remembered being a freshman. She’d have felt so cool talking to a senior. Gross.

Rider pulled on the strap of her messenger bag after the bell had rung and she’d gotten up to leave. “Hey Jade,” he said loudly. Jade ignored him.

At work she still felt annoyed and kind of bad. She didn’t like being reminded of Rider, having to sit near him in class. It’s not like she was a prude or anything – she liked hooking up and making out with people – but he was an asshole, had been an asshole to her. She didn’t like thinking about how she’d kissed him or let him take off her bra.

Jade’s mom had had boyfriend #3 over when she’d gotten home from school – the worst one – and they’d been trashing the kitchen and had almost made her late for work. They’d also eaten all of her Hot Pockets and the chicken she'd bought to make on Sunday night. Her mom wanted to borrow money, and Jade had lied and said she had none. Now she was washing dishes at the Marburn and worrying about her mom going through her room. Jade had been 18 for three months and she should have opened a bank account already, but she just kept her cash in her room.

She should have gotten Robbie to pick her up instead of taking the bus to work, or maybe gone home with him. Then she wouldn’t have even had to see her mom and boyfriend #3. But she felt bad about saying no to burgers last night.

She just felt bad and annoyed, sick and irritated, and kind of hungry. She missed her brother a lot. It hurt in a dull kind of way, underneath her ribs. If Wyatt was still alive, maybe her dad would let her stay over his house more than one weekend a month.

Robbie came moonwalking over to her with another stack of dirty dishes, bumping into the other sink and also the knife cart. Jade stopped thinking about her brother. Sometimes she couldn’t, but right now she could focus on how hopeless Robbie was. _Man in the Mirror_ was playing over the speakers. Robbie and Emily were always doing stupid dances to the songs that played on the work radio, making Jade laugh. They were so bad at it. They tried to get Jade to dance with them sometimes, but she never would.

Jade eyed the plates as Robbie put them down and started scraping them off for her. Maria’s son usually did dishes, but he’d been sick for the last month with bird flu or swine flu or something, the reason she’d been able to get Robbie the job there. Jade wanted to leave before eight and she thought Craig would let them, which was why she was helping with the dishes.

She smacked at Robbie’s hand. “Don’t throw out that muffin!” she commanded. “I want to eat it.”

Robbie looked at her weird. “It has a bite taken out of it,” he said slowly.

“I’ll eat around it.”

Robbie kept looking at her weird. “I know that you really hate the thought of hanging out with me,” he said slowly, like he was reading her like a book, “but I can buy you actual food. Like that hasn’t been purchased before?”

“Umm,” said Jade. She couldn’t think of anything witty to say. Sometimes she wasn't as cool or bitchy as she thought - right now she was just hungry. The thought of hanging out with Robbie was slightly more appealing than usual, especially since boyfriend #3 was probably still at her house. Robbie was wearing her down.

Robbie leaned annoyingly over the dishes. He put his elbow in a pile of mashed potatoes. Jade nicely didn't point it out. “If you – hey, do you want to see my sister’s play with me? She wants you to go!”

“I hate middle schoolers,” Jade reminded him.

Robbie looked affronted. “They’re doing _Anne Frank!_ ”

“That is so disturbing.”

“Well, it’s like, an abridged version.”

Jade thought about it. “But is it a musical?”

“I – I’m not sure. Would that be better or worse?”

“I’m not sure.”

Robbie made one of his stupid faces at her. Sometimes with his big hair and glasses, he looked like an upset owl on a PBS kid’s show. “Well, it starts at 8:30. I can buy you chicken fingers after. Unfortunately with my sister. Uh – from a diner that is not this one.”

Jade thought about it some more. Robbie looked even more like a distressed PBS Kids owl. It made her feel weird. “Fine. Fries and a soda too,” she said. 

Robbie looked like a jubilant owl. “We can get the two for twenty deal! You’ll get a free ice cream.”

“Thrill me, Shapiro,” Jade drawled.

 Robbie laughed at her. She let him throw the muffin away.


	6. Chapter Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> > “You can buy me food now,” Jade told Robbie graciously. She also told him, “You look very eighties.” He was wearing a polo shirt with weird bright blocks of color on it, a big wristwatch, and his hair was very frizzy.
>> 
>> Robbie looked pleased (and also eighties). “Thank you,” he said.
>> 
>> “Wasn’t a compliment."

**Chapter Six**

 

Life was hell, pure hell. It was Friday night again. Jade didn’t have to work for once, but Cat was making her go to the _mall_ with her and a group of girls.

Jade hated the mall, it was expensive. She hated groups of girls, they were annoying. But Cat had been pretty nice to her all year, giving her rides to school and stuff, so Jade had agreed to go earlier in the week when she’d been in a good mood.

She wasn’t in a good mood now. As school had been ending, Cat had hugged her too long and too hard and said, “Also, I invited Tori last period and she’s coming too!”

“What? Nooo,” Jade had said. “I’m not going now.”

“Yes yes! You already said! I’m picking you up at six! I’ll get Tori last!”

“Nooo,” Jade had said again, but then she had to run away from Cat to catch her bus.

Jade’s mom hadn’t been home all week, which was a great thing. Jade hoped it would last into the weekend. She cleaned her dishes from last night and picked up the living room a little, in case Cat forced herself into the house for some reason. She went into her room and did her English homework, put her math stuff aside to make Robbie check at work tomorrow.

She put on a clean UCLA hoodie and her new plaid skirt. She should be saving up for college stuff, but it had been on sale, and you had to treat yourself sometimes. She redid her eyeliner, then checked the little safe under her bed where she kept all her tip money. It was in a panda backpack and her mom hadn’t found it yet. She pulled a basket out from her closet and went through her brother’s CDs. Everyone had PearPhones and iPhones now and no one ever bought CDs anymore, but Wyatt had died seven years ago, in 2007, and he’d had a lot of CDs. Jade had got to keep them and some of his t-shirts, and she liked going through them.

She put a Nixons CD on her shitty radio stereo and sang along as she straightened her hair. _Sister_ had been Wyatt’s favorite song, _but not because you’re my sister,_ he said. She felt good when she could listen to music her brother had liked, even though she knew that probably made her weird.

She was lucky that Wyatt’s mom had let her keep this stuff. Wyatt had only been her half-brother, Dad’s kid from his first marriage.

Jade let herself listen to five songs off of _Foma_ and then she turned her stereo off. She felt kind of anxious about going out tonight. Cat was probably hoping she’d be nice and not scream at people. It was so hard not to scream, sometimes. Jade put even more eyeliner on so she’d feel less anxious.

Cat didn’t try to force herself into the house, which Jade appreciated. She’d never actually been to Jade’s house aside to pick her up from school. She was always surprised that Jade didn’t drive. True to her word, she picked up Tori last, so Jade only had to suffer with her in the car for about twelve minutes. There were two other girls that Jade didn’t know, but Cat had her sit up front with her.

Robbie and Andre were waiting for the girls at the food court. Cat ran ahead of them to meet the boys. Cat and Andre were good friends, had been since before Hollywood Arts. Andre was Djing at the Christmas Festivus, Cat had told her. Jade tried hard not to make a face.

Jade ended up walking at the back of the group with Robbie. She didn’t like to think that they gravitated towards each other, but they probably did. Coworker solidarity or some bullshit. Robbie was wearing a different shirt than he had been at school, too.

“Did I know you’d be here?” Jade asked him. She guessed it was okay that they were walking together. Definitely not ideal, but okay. They already worked together and ate lunch at school; they’d eaten together at a diner last Friday after his sister’s play and had gone to Red Robin just two nights ago. People’d seen her getting into his car at school at least six times. Once Beck had seen, and glared at them. It had made Jade happy, even though she was just with dorky Robbie.

“I didn’t even know I’d be here,” Robbie said. “Cat told Andre to text me, and I was just wasting away at home since I don’t work with you tonight and couldn’t buy you food.”

“You can buy me food now,” Jade told him graciously. She also told him, “You look very eighties.” He was wearing a polo shirt with weird bright blocks of color on it, a big wristwatch, and his hair was very frizzy.

Robbie looked pleased (and also eighties). “Thank you,” he said.

“Wasn’t a compliment."

Robbie smiled at her anyway. Then his smile turned into one of his goony faces, like he was going to ask her something he was nervous about. How he’d looked the first time he’d asked her to come to his house. She hated that she knew what his nervous face looked like – his eyebrows got all funny. “ _You_ look like a teenaged goth witch from the nineties,” he told her. “I have seen _The Craft_ forty-six times. Ten out of ten.”

Jade felt oddly charmed. “Thank you,” she said too, surprising herself. “Even with my UCLA hoodie?”

“Oh, it’s all about the face. You redid your eyeliner.”

Jade felt more charmed, which was disgusting. Robbie Shapiro should not be able to charm her by talking about _The Craft_. “I did.” Twice.

They kept trailing behind everyone else. Andre was laughing and goofing up ahead with Cat and Tori, and Robbie didn’t know the other two girls either. He made a corny joke in the PearPad store and the girls looked at him weird, though Cat laughed loudly. Jade did not bother to look up from the game trial she was playing. It was some abstract game where you swam around the ocean looking at shit.

Robbie sidled up beside her instead of telling more stupid jokes. He watched her little diver character swim after a blue whale. “I bet you’d kick ass at Ecco the Dolphin,” he said.

“These words you’re saying … “ Jade said, still not looking up. “They don’t make any sense coming out of your mouth. Are you having a stroke?” She could see Robbie’s dorky face grinning at her, reflected in the screen. She rolled her eyes at the reflection.

Everyone went back to the food court after Cat had them look at makeup for thirty-five minutes. Robbie and Andre made Jade laugh, looking at eyeshadow colors. “No!” Robbie said as Andre came at him with a brush. “I’m too washed out for rose gold!”

She sat between the boys at the food court and ate pizza. Cat was across from her, smiling away, which was all right. Tori was talking and talking at Robbie about something that their teacher had done in history class.

“Yeah,” said Robbie. “Yeah. Yeah, that was funny.” He kept looking at Jade. Jade glared at him, because she was eating. People shouldn’t be so rude as to look at you when you’re eating, especially something messy like pizza. Robbie was clearly enthralled with how much she looked she was from _The Craft_. He was so sad. Jade wiped pizza grease onto her skirt.

As they left there was some confusion over who was taking who home. Andre had got a ride with Robbie, but he wanted to go to Cat’s house, and Tori was freaking out because she had to be home by eleven. Andre also wouldn’t fit in the car with Cat and four other girls.

It made Jade feel kind of weird. Or bad. Whatever. She’d never came out with Cat before, so she was the extra person. It’s not liked she cared about Tori getting home on time or anything, but she was taking up the extra space in Cat’s car. She felt like a leftover puzzle piece. She always did; it’s why she never hung out with people. “I can take the bus home,” she said. It ran til midnight.

“No way!” Cat said immediately, which made her feel good. “The bus terminal smells like feet!”

“I can drive you home,” Robbie offered.

“Oh,” said Jade. Everyone immediately turned to stare at her like a badly scripted teen show. Will the young lady accept the ride? “Yeah, whatever.”

They didn’t talk too much on the drive home. Jade felt tired. It had been hard to contain herself all night and not scream at Tori for being prettier than her, or to tell Robbie how stupid he was. She told him all the time at work and he didn’t mind, but Cat might not like it.

Robbie was probably holding in all his lame jokes to tell her at work tomorrow. “Are you saving up for a car?” Robbie asked her.

Jade was looking out the window. “I can’t drive.”

“Oh,” said Robbie, surprised. “Oh, well, that’s okay. Lots of people can’t drive.”

“Yes, I know that.” Jade rolled her eyes. She didn’t need Robbie of all people to tell her what was normal.

Her house was still dark when they pulled up. Jade told Robbie, “My mom hasn’t been home since Tuesday.”

“Oh, I’m sorry. Will you be okay?” Robbie was looking down her dark driveway all mistrustfully.

“Are you kidding me? I’m thrilled.’

Robbie kept hesitating. “You sure – sure you’ll be okay alone?”

“Oh my God,” said Jade too loudly. “I’m not in your Urban Friends Foundation. I don’t need you to be my _mentor_ and give me badges. I’m fine alone in my house.”

Robbie smiled like she was being funny and not a bitch. “It’s not Boy Scouts, there’s no badges. Also, speaking of my _mentees,_ ” he said in a stupid voice, “do you want to go to the Jurassic Technology museum with us on Sunday? Julio’s never been!”

“Robbie. I _hate_ middle schoolers,” Jade reminded him. Robbie’s face fell so fast it almost made her laugh. It also made her feel kind of bad. Robbie was a huge dork and a drip, but he’d been nice to her too, giving her rides, buying her food she didn’t deserve, letting her tell him he was stupid and his harmonica skills sucked (they did). She unclicked her seatbelt very briskly. “Look, ask me again tomorrow, okay? I’ll see how I feel after I’ve suffered with you for eight hours.”

Robbie beamed at her. “Okay!”

“See you at work.”

“Want me to pick you up?”

“Yeah, sure.”

Robbie waited in his car until Jade got to her door and opened it, his stupid headlights bathing her in light. Jade flipped him off as she unlocked her door. Robbie honked at her, something not-that-smart to do in Jade’s neighborhood. She tried not to smile.

Jade got inside and stood looking out the glass pane of the front door, watching him drive away. Then she just stood there for a little while longer, just thinking. Not about anything important.


	7. Chapter Seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> > Robbie’s mom was washing her hands off in the sink. She looked up and smiled at Jade. She was small and had dark curly hair like Robbie, greying at the roots. She was wearing a blue cardigan and looked like a mom. “Are you Jade?” she asked, smiling. “I’ve heard so much about you!”
>> 
>> “No she hasn’t,” Robbie said loudly to the ceiling. Jade smiled.
>> 
>> Robbie’s mom dried her hands off and came across the kitchen, bumping into the table, to shake Jade’s hand. She was so small and cute. Jade couldn’t get over it. “It’s nice to meet you,” she said. She turned and looked at Robbie. “She does look like Robin Tunney.”
>> 
>> “Do I?” Jade said.
>> 
>> Robbie made a face that looked like he’d just swallowed a whole sour lemon. “What? I never even said that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the reviews and kudos on this fic. It’s exciting to be writing something new again! You guys are the best.

**Chapter Seven**

 

After a lot of soul-searching and eating a bowl of Ramen for breakfast, Jade decided to go to the dinosaur museum with Robbie and his latino children. Sunday was always depressing, so she might as well spend it looking at a bunch of dead things. Robbie had bused all her tables at work last night, trying to get on her good side.

Robbie looked happy and waved at her as she ran down the driveway and got into his car. “Should I wear my work apron so the kids remember me?”

Robbie laughed nervously for some reason. “Um, they remember you,” he said. Jade glared at him until he put his seatbelt on. He drove them to the kids’ neighborhood, which was worse than Jade’s but not by much. Julio and Victor were waiting on Victor’s porch and wearing matching blue Friendship Foundation shirts.

“Drat!” said Robbie as he parked. “I should have worn mine!”

Jade managed not to make a face. The kids did remember her. Victor gave Robbie a high five, making Jade roll her eyes. Robbie talked to Victor’s grandmother on the porch while Jade and the kids walked to the bodega across the street and bought apple sodas. “Augh!” Robbie yelled like Charlie Brown as they came out. He was standing down the street in Victor’s yard like a goon with his big hair blowing in the wind. His backpack was huge. “Hold hands as you cross the street!”

Jade and the kids looked at each other. The looks on the kids’ faces said that they thought Robbie was as much a weirdo as Jade did. They all held hands as they crossed the street.

Robbie looked pleased. “I thought we could take the subway,” he said. He pulled a giant piece of paper out of his jeans. It hit him in the face. “I brought a map!”

“Oh my god,” said Jade.

The Metro was four blocks away. Robbie put their apple sodas in his huge backpack, grumbling, and Jade and the kids all held hands the whole way to the subway. They weren’t as annoying as the toddlers Jade had had to watch at the community center during sophomore year. They kept laughing at Robbie as he shook his map out.

Jade looked around as they went down the steps into the subway. There was lots of graffiti on the walls; they probably painted over it every few months like by her house. “How can we all get through the turnstyle holding hands?”

“You guys are trying my patience,” Robbie said. He shook his map again.

Jade laughed at him. She used her Metro pass to get the kids into the station for free as Robbie looked around nervously for transit cops. “Is it worth going to jail over four dollars and fifty cents, Jade?”

“Don’t be a baby, Robbie,” Jade said. She slid her Metro pass to get him into the station too. Robbie huffed.

Jade sat next to Robbie on the subway car and the boys sat in front of them, talking loudly and excited. She laid her head against the window and watched the lights and stations whir by. Robbie kept shaking his map out and saying ‘Oy vey,’ making her laugh.

She liked being on the subway. It was better than being on a car or a bus, safer. It was even better with Robbie sitting beside her, being totally stupid and shaking his map.

Jade had worried about the museum being too much money, the main reason she hadn’t wanted to go, but it was only eight dollars. Robbie paid for everyone anyway, pointedly not looking at Jade as she waved her wallet at him.

The museum didn’t even have any dinosaurs, which Jade felt was misleading. It had lots of old history stuff.

“We’ll have to go to the science museum next time,” Robbie said, as Victor and Julio looked disappointed over the lack of Jurassic dinosaurs. They stood patiently as Robbie loudly read out each display title. They all looked at a stone replica of Laika the space dog. Jade told the kids how the Russians had blown him up in a rocket ship and now there was a film company dedicated to him.

There was an event on blues music from the 1920s that started at seven. They went into the gift shop and looked at stuff for forever until it started. Gift shops were always the best part.

Jade bought Cat a necklace pendant with a little space man on it. Robbie read the display tag. “Ha, homo cosmonauticas,” he said. There was a Laika necklace that Jade really wanted, but it was a lot of money.

“One day,” she told Laika.

It cost extra money to get into the blues exhibit. Robbie paid again, pointedly not looking at Jade as she waved her wallet at him. There was free popcorn and hot chocolate.

Jade didn’t care about blues music, but the guy was impressive on his guitar. After the event ended, Robbie screamed about the time and they rushed back to the subway. Jade used her Metro pass again. It was the last day of November and it expired tomorrow, so she had to get some use out of it. She didn’t use it as much since Robbie mostly drove her to work now.

Walking back to Victor’s house, Jade bought everyone tacos from a food truck. She sat in the car eating her taco as Robbie stood on the lawn and talked to Victor’s grandmother, who was still on the porch. Probably she was eternally on the porch, glaring at kids and talking about the downfall of the neighborhood.

Robbie finally got into his car and smiled at her. Jade gave him his taco. She felt tired. She hadn’t felt annoyed or anxious or out of place once today, but it had still been a long day with Victor and Julio. She’d had to try real hard not to curse when she was explaining to them about Laika. Robbie had kept telling her not to call Julio ‘July,’ but the kid had liked the nickname. She glared at Robbie again until he put his seatbelt on.

“Can you not take the highway bacK?” she asked him.

“Umm. Sure. Let me consult my map.”

“Oh my god,” said Jade. Robbie laughed at her. He opened up the GPS on his phone.

They drove down the Boulevard, which wasn’t as bad as the highway. Robbie made a weird shape with his mouth, looking at her as he turned towards the exit. “Do you … “ he said and made another weird shape. “Want to come to my house?”

He was probably expecting her to say no. She’d never been to his house aside from after school.

“Sure,” Jade said, surprising herself.

Robbie looked really happy. “Okay, great!” he said.

Robbie parked on the street by his house and then made his eightieth weird face. “Um, I think my mom is home,” he said. “Sorry. She is usually at her book club on Sundays.”

“That’s okay,” Jade said. She kind of wished she hadn’t worn her shirt that said ‘CORONER’ in huge letters. She followed Robbie up his ninety million porch steps and into his house.

Robbie’s mom and little sister (Alice, which was a cute name) were in the kitchen making cookies. Jade looked around at the wholesomeness of it all. “Hi Jade!” Alice said.

“Hey,” Jade said.

Robbie’s mom was washing her hands off in the sink. She looked up and smiled at Jade. She was small and had dark curly hair like Robbie, greying at the roots. She was wearing a blue cardigan and looked like a mom. “Are you Jade?” she asked, smiling. “I’ve heard so much about you!”

“No she hasn’t,” Robbie said loudly to the ceiling. Jade smiled.

Robbie’s mom dried her hands off and came across the kitchen, bumping into the table, to shake Jade’s hand. She was so small and cute. Jade couldn’t get over it. “It’s nice to meet you,” she said. She turned and looked at Robbie. “She does look like Robin Tunney.”

“Do I?” Jade said.

Robbie made a face that looked like he’d just swallowed a whole sour lemon. “What? I never even said that.”

“Yes you did,” said Alice. She put their cookies into the oven. “Like six times.”

Robbie looked like he’d swallowed two sour lemons. “Why are you guys even home?” he asked, very grumpy from swallowing the lemons.

“My book club finished the book early,” Robbie mom said.

“Dad canceled on our movie,” Alice said.

Robbie looked like he’d swallowed twelve sour lemons. It was amazing how many lemons the boy could eat. “Oh, did he?” he asked. “That is so nice. That is so typical. You know – “

“Robbie, don’t start,” said his mom. She touched him on the shoulder, going past him. “Do you want something to drink, Jade? Robbie, why don’t you offer her something?”

Robbie sighed. Jade was smiling at him. She was so amused. “Jade, do you want something to drink?”

His mom was opening the fridge. “We have lemonade, milk, Robbie’s not-milk – which has gone up in price again, sad to say – “

“Mom! Don’t tell her I can’t drink milk!”

“He had two hot chocolates earlier,” Jade told his mom.

“Oh dear,” said Robbie’s mom.

Robbie was making the sour lemon face again. It was so good. “They were clearly instant. Probably water. I expected more from the Jurassic Technology museum.”

“We also have soda. Root beer, Coke, Orange Fanta – “

“I know what’s in the fridge!” Robbie said. “I was with you at the grocery store!”

“Aw, do you go grocery shopping with your mom?” Jade asked. “That’s so nice.”

“Augh!” said Robbie like Charlie Brown.

Robbie’s mom patted his shoulder. “Isn’t he a nice boy? Okay, I’ll let you serve the sodas, since you were there when we picked them out. I’ll leave you kids alone. It was nice to meet you, Jade!”

Alice cackled at him and went upstairs too. Robbie sighed. His face was going back to normal, though he was still very red. “Sorry about them.”

“It’s fine,” Jade said. She said, “Your mom is nice. Aren’t you going to get me a soda?”

“Yes, I’ll get you a soda. Do you want root beer?” She always drank that at work.

“Sure.” Robbie gave her a can. Cans were the best. She liked Robbie’s house more and more. He got a Coke and they went into the living room. Robbie’s house felt different with his mom home, but not bad. Robbie turned the TV on. The screen was blue because the VCR was plugged in.

Jade sat on the couch and laughed at him. “I can’t believe you still have a VCR,” she said. She’d noticed it before, but it had never been on.

Robbie was switching the cords back to the regular TV. “I’m very vintage,” he said. “I think every household should have a VCR still.” He looked at her and made a silly face. “What if I find a really good VHS, Jade?”

“Is there such a thing?”

“I mean, sometimes. There’s still old horror movies that haven’t been converted to DVD.” Robbie really loved horror movies, especially old gory ones from the 70s and 80s. He especially liked vampires, Jade was partial to zombies. Robbie gave her the remote. “Before my dad turned totally evil, he used to take me and my sister to the big flea market in Santa Monica. You can find really good stuff there. I have a copy of Halloween 3 on VHS.”

Everyone hates Halloween 3, Robbie’d told her before. Jade clicked to the Syfy channel, which would make him happy. “My dad used to take me to the flea markets too,” she said. He hadn’t really turned evil, though. Just didn’t like her anymore.

Robbie smiled at her and then gasped. “Oh, _Candyman_ is on at eleven. Have you seen it?” He looked sad. “You should probably go home before then.”

“I probably should.” Jade felt kind of sad, reading the synopsis. “I haven’t seen it. I don’t have cable at home.”

“Really?” Robbie made a face. He looked like he was going to say something, then didn’t. “I have it on DVD.”

“Not VHS?” Jade said, making fun of him.

Robbie rolled his eyes at her. “You can take it with you. Then we can talk about it at lunch! Cat hates horror movies, I never have anyone to talk to them about.”

“Sure, okay.” It would be nice to have a new movie to watch. Jade had left a lot of her stuff when she and her mom had moved out of her dad’s house four years ago, being a brat. She regretted it now. Her dad still had a lot of her things, but she didn’t like going there.

They watched the end of _Bride of Chucky_ and then Robbie got her her DVD and drove her home. His mom appeared at the last minute to give her some of the cookies that had been baking earlier. It was pretty late.

“I hate school on Mondays,” Robbie said. “Do you want me to pick you up tomorrow?”

“Cat’s got her car.”

“Oh, right.”

“See you in Improv.” Jade waved the DVD. “I’m going to watch this now.”

“Okay! See you.”

Robbie waited until she got into her house like usual and then he drove away. Jade’s mom was finally back, sleeping on the couch. The living room smelled like cigarettes. Jade stole four from the pack, then covered her mom with a blanket.

Jade’s mom stirred on the couch. “Hey baby.”

“Hey,” Jade said. “Where did you go?”

“I sang at a club in Pasadena,” Jade’s mom told her. Jade’s mom was a club entertainer, a singer. She didn’t get as many gigs as she used to because she was always drinking and fucking up. She’d been pretty popular when Jade had been a kid. She used to have a house band. “For four nights. I got a discounted room.”

Jade didn’t ask about the other four nights that her mom had been gone. “I took some of your cigarettes.”

“You shouldn’t smoke,” her mom told her. She pulled the blanket up over herself and turned on her side. She smiled at Jade. “I got paid. You can go in my wallet if you need money for school.”

“It’s okay,” Jade said. She felt a little helpless for no reason. She loved her mom. She wished they could talk like they used to. “I’m going to bed. I have a movie to watch. Are you staying down here?”

“Probably. Love you, baby.”

“Night,” Jade said. She went upstairs and took a shower. The drain was getting clogged again. She put Cat’s homo cosmonauticas necklace in her backpack and then she turned _Candyman_ on on her little TV. She could hear her mom downstairs, singing songs to herself.


	8. Chapter Eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> > “The chick in this book is named Heaven,” Jade told him. “Which is the title, by the way. My mom was actually going to name me Heaven after this book, but my dad convinced her it wasn’t a good idea.”
>> 
>> “I think I like Jade better. Though, if you were named Heaven, I’d probably say I like that better too.”
>> 
>> Jade made a face at her phone. Was he flirting with her? Over a VC Andrews novel? Well, there was nothing she could do about that.

**Chapter Eight**

 

A week went by. Tuesday was shaping up to be a really crap day. Jade could feel the crappiness as soon as she woke up.

Improv with Cat and Robbie was okay, and she got an A on her English paper, which was great. During math they had a substitute and had to partner up to correct their homework problems.

Beck sat down beside her for some reason. They had barely talked for the whole semester, but he just smiled and handed her his paper. Jade felt weird and annoyed as she corrected his word problems – she was better at them now that Robbie had been helping her. Probably she’d be averaging a B by the end of the quarter.

“How have you been?” Beck asked her. He hadn’t asked her how she was all year. He looked handsome as usual, which was annoying.

“I’m okay,” Jade said.

“Saw you with Cat after school last week. It’s nice that you’re hanging out with her.”

“I guess,” Jade said. Robbie had been in the art room so she’d just spent a few minutes helping Cat put up her stupid Christmas posters. She didn’t need Beck checking up on her and making sure she had friends. She shoved his paper back at him.

After math class ended, Jade stalked through the courtyard at lunch, looking for Robbie. She spotted Cat and Andre sitting with him at their usual table and felt weirdly disappointed. She’d thought Cat would be in the gym doing her stuff for the Christmas dance.

Jade made a face at herself. Imagine, wanting to be alone with Robbie! Her life sucked. He’d given her _Reanimator_ to watch last night and she wanted to scream at him about it. She didn’t feel like screaming at him about it in front of Andre and Cat – it wouldn’t be as much fun for some reason. She slowed her stalk to a regular gait.

“Hey,” she said when she reached the table.

Everyone stared at her. Robbie’s face was red, and Andre and Cat looked solemn standing by the table.

“Hi Jade,” Cat said.

Jade felt weird. “What happened?” she asked. “Was your stupid dance canceled or something?”

“No, it’s … not the dance.” Cat kept staring at her. Then she looked at Andre, who frowned and rubbed his face. It made Jade feel even weirder.

Andre sighed with Cat looking at him. “Look Jade,” he said. “We just thought we should tell you. You know that Daniels kid is in English with me and Robbie.”

Awesome, great. She already knew it was something shitty. “What happened?”

“It ain’t nothing,” Andre said. “Cat’s the one who marched me all the way over here when I told her.”

“He’s a _jerk!_ ” Cat cried.

Jade sighed too and threw her messenger bag on the table. “He said something about me?”

Andre looked kind of uncomfortable. Robbie looked even redder and more upset. “Yeah, kinda,” Andre said. “I mean. Well you know how he went around all September and October saying dumb stuff like he slept with you.”

“Yep,” Jade gritted out. Rider was such an asshole. She loved talking about it. She added, “I _didn’t._ ”

“We know!” said Cat and Robbie.

Andre looked even more uncomfortable. “Well now he’s been saying you guys ain’t seeing each other anymore because you’ve been sleeping with all his friends.”

“WHAT?” Jade exploded. “No I haven’t!”

“Everyone knows it isn’t true, Jade,” Cat told her.

“I don’t even have _time_ to sleep with anyone!” Jade yelled. “I’m always at stupid work or with Robbie!” Then she scowled. That was probably worse!

“Yeah, Robbie here got all fired up on your behalf,” Andre said and chuckled. Cat glowered and poked his side.

“No I didn’t!” yelped Robbie. He was still red.

“Yeah you did,” Andre told him. Then he said to Jade, “Everybody knows it isn’t true. And me and Robbie told him to shut the fuck up. We just thought you should know. In case anyone says shit to you.”

“Thanks,” Jade said. She sat down at the table and felt angry and helpless. She couldn’t believe Daniels was spreading rumors about her. _More_ rumors. They’d only hung out three times over the summer. Why did he still care? She must have either given him a really great handjob or a really horrible one.

Cat and Andre were looking at her. They were standing over her like annoying biracial parents. Jade forced herself to stop thinking about the handjob. “Are you okay, Jade?” Cat asked.

“I guess,” Jade said slowly. She rubbed her shoulder.

Cat shifted her bookbag over her own shoulder. “We do have to go to the auditorium for the dance stuff. Do you want us to stay and eat lunch with you?”

“I’m fine.”

Cat and Andre hesitated over her for a few more annoying minutes and then trailed off back into the school. Jade sat, not eating her sandwich and chewing on her pen. Robbie stared at her nervously. “Are you really okay?”

“I’m fine,” Jade said again. She glared at him for good measure. “I _didn’t_ fuck his friends.”

“I know!” yelped Robbie.

“ _Or_ him!”

“I know!” yelped Robbie. He still looked red and frazzled. He cleared his throat and said, “So what – what are you going to do?”

Jade thought about it and then shrugged. “Nothing, I guess. What can I do? Run up and deny it and hit him? Then I’ll just look crazy and people will probably believe him even more.”

There was a time when she would have done that, ran and screamed and hit him. She was too tired now, and Rider didn’t matter. She didn’t know why he kept messing with her. But Cat and Andre and Robbie knew that the stuff he was saying wasn’t true, and that mattered.

Robbie made a sympathetic face and frowned at her. “No one believes him,” he said again.

Jade shrugged. “I don’t really want to talk about it,” she told him.

“Okay. What do you want to talk about?”

Jade thought about it. Then she remembered the movie and slammed her fist on the table. “Oh yeah. Robbie Shapiro! I have a bone to pick with you about _Reanimator_. What the fuck!”

Robbie turned bright red again and threw his hands in the air. Even so, he looked glad for the distraction. “I know, I know, Jade!” he yelled. “I forgot about the boob-licking, okay!”

The girls at the next table over stared at them.

“That was fucking gross, Robbie!” Jade told him. “Some things go too far. And how many times did they kill that goddamn cat?”

“I know!” Robbie said. “I’m sorry, I didn’t watch it for like five years. I forgot how gross it was! I don’t think I processed all that stuff when I was twelve.”

“God. Probably why you’re so weird.”

“I’ve _never_ even licked a boob!” Robbie told her loudly and then turned even redder when the girls at the table next to them stared some more. “Why do you make me say these things.”

Jade shook her head sadly at his lack of sexual prowess. “None of this is my fault, Robbie. Especially your lack of breast-licking.”

“Augh!” said Robbie, making her smile. He was still pretty red and probably regretting telling her that he’d never licked a boob. “Okay, please let’s stop talking about breasts!” He smiled too when Jade laughed. “I’ll find you a better movie tonight.”

“How can I trust you after this?”

Robbie looked deeply sorry. “I’m deeply sorry,” he said. He started listing other movies he had that she might like. Jade welcomed the distraction, putting her head in hands, elbows leaned up against the table, and listened to him talk about _Ginger Snaps_.

 

The day continued to suck after school ended. Jade had to go and see her father for their monthly meeting. Excuse her, monthly visit. She was really supposed to stay with him two weekends a month, but she hadn’t done that in a long time. She hadn’t seen him at all since she’d turned eighteen in July.

Jade met her dad at Starbucks. She sat across from him in the little booth by the counter, slouching on purpose.

Jade’s dad looked pressed and immaculate in his business suit as usual. “How have you been, Jade?” He said before she could answer, “You don’t answer my phone calls.”

Usually he was just calling to cancel on her. “I’m busy. It is my senior year,” she pointed out.

“How are your grades?” Dad asked.

Jade made an imitation of Robbie’s sour lemon face at him. “A’s and B’s,” she told him.

Jade’s dad looked impressed and surprised. “Even in algebra?” he asked.

“I have this dorky tutor friend now,” Jade told him. She had to take a second to reel at herself. She guessed Robbie really was her friend now. “I got him a job with me at the diner.”

Her dad nodded. He looked like he didn’t know what to say to her. “That’s nice,” he said. “I … spoke to your mother. I’m sorry to hear about you and Beck.”

“I’m over it. When did you talk to my mom?” Jade asked.

“I called her after you didn’t answer my phone calls all summer.”

Jade felt surprised that her mom had answered his calls, either. She and Dad had both wanted to get divorced and no one had cheated on each other, but they still weren’t on good terms. They’d had a lot of screaming fights for a long time because Dad didn’t want to pay alimony.

Jade knew that they’d gotten divorced over her. She’d gotten her brother killed and then spent two years failing and getting kicked out of two middle schools. She’d overhead her dad telling his coworkers that she was a problem child. She pretty much agreed.

Jade looked up. Dad was gazing back at her expectantly. Probably he’d been talking to her while she was thinking about getting Wyatt killed and becoming a problem child. “I’m sorry you can’t stay over this weekend,” he told her. “I tried everything to get out of the business trip, but it could only be this weekend.”

“It’s fine.”

“How’s your mother?”

“She’s fine.”

“Is she … ?“

Jade made a face at him. “What? Drinking?” She lied, “Not really anymore.”

Her dad looked like he knew she was lying. “That’s good,” he said. “I’m glad. I’m glad to hear that. What are you doing for Christmas?”

It was only three weeks away, creeping up on her. “I’m not sure.”

They sat and looked at each other for a while. Jade didn’t know why her father insisted on seeing her and then didn’t have anything to say to her. After an excruciating half hour she was allowed to leave. She bought another latte and got onto the bus. Dad said he would drive her home, but Jade said, “I’m meeting people.”

Jade took the bus downtown to a diner, not the one she and Robbie worked at. It was midway between her house and his, close to school. They’d eaten chicken fingers there last week after work and yesterday after school. Robbie had a rating scale for french fries that he said was too complex to explain, and he gave these ones a nine out of ten. They called it the not-work diner. It was their new spot, not that they’d had an old spot.

It was almost five by the time she got there. Cat and Robbie had wanted to hang out and meet her. Cat jumped up and waved when Jade came in through the diner door. The waitress nodded at her. She was the same one who’d served them on Monday.

Cat and Robbie were sitting in a booth at the back. Robbie showed Jade the new drawing he was working on. It was a tree but it was really a bunch of candles, dripping wax that looked like leaves. Jade didn’t know how to describe artwork, but she liked it. Robbie was a great artist. He was always drawing cartoons on the napkins at work.

“That’s really cool,” Jade told him. Robbie smiled at her. She said to Cat, “I got you a coffee.” She felt stupid, because they were at a diner.

Cat looked happy anyway. “Thanks!” she said. “How was your dad?”

Jade shrugged. “The same. Still thinks I’m the worst.”

Cat and Robbie looked sympathetic. Their waitress came over with a drink for Jade. “Root beer, right?”

“Robbie’s micromanaging you and ordered you the chicken fingers,” Cat told Jade.

“I’m not micromanaging her!” Robbie snapped.

Jade shrugged. “I do want the chicken fingers,” she told the waitress.

“See?” Robbie said to Cat. Cat hmmed loudly. They made stupid faces at each other. Jade tried not to feel weird that Cat was at the not-work diner with them. It wasn’t really their spot; they’d only been here twice. Cat and Robbie were friends. Jade didn’t have a monopoly on Robbie.

They all ate their food while Cat panicked about the dance. It was in two weeks and no one was finished their decorations. “SinJin is supposed to be building me an igloo!” Cat said, very loud because she got loud when she panicked about school stuff. “Then he told me today he can’t even use a power drill!”

Robbie was stealing Jade’s french fries. She was letting him because she knew he was paying. “There’s not room in the gym for an igloo.”

Cat looked dangerous. “Yes. There. Is. Robbie.”

Robbie paid for their food and Jade and Cat left the tip. “I can take you home, Jade,” Robbie said.

“It’s okay. I got a new Metro pass,” Jade said. He’d probably take Cat home first, and Jade didn’t feel like being on the highway. She should let them hang out.

“It’s fine,” Robbie said. “I don’t mind.”

“Nah, you guys go.”

Robbie looked like he wanted to protest. Cat pulled hard on his sleeve. “Don’t be a soccer mom, Robbie! She wants to take the bus.”

Robbie made his sour lemon face. “I’m not being a soccer mom!” He looked at Jade again. “Are you sure?”

“Yeah. I’ll talk to you later.” She thought about it, fiddling with the strap of her messenger bag. “Hey, will you draw me something?”

“Sure!”

“I want an elephant, I think.”

Cat said, “Those are the best!” Robbie smiled. He said, “One elephant you shall have.”

Cat laughed at him being dorky; Robbie scowled at her. Jade said, “See you guys at school.”

She sat on the bench waiting for the bus and watched Robbie and Cat slowly walk to his car. Cat was laughing and saying something to him. Robbie said, “Augh! No I don’t! Shut up!” He hit her over the head with his bookbag.

 

Jade’s house was empty when she got home; her mom was out again.

Jade tried not to feel disappointed. She didn’t hate her mom or anything, and she’d wanted to yell at her for answering Dad’s phone call. She did some laundry and then laid on her bed, reading. She thought about Beck’s stupid face at school today, then about Rider’s stupid face. She thought about Robbie’s slightly less-stupid face.

On cue her phone lit up. Jade answered it without looking. “Hello?”

“Do you like scary movies?” Robbie asked in a stupid voice.

“Gross,” Jade said and hung up on him. She tossed her phone back onto her bed and stared at it expectantly.

Robbie called her back immediately like she’d figured he would. “Ahh! You’re so incredibly rude to me!”

Jade was smiling. “What do you want?”

“I’m just calling to check that you made it home and weren’t assaulted or kidnapped. Are you assaulted or kidnapped?”

“Nope, untouched and bored in my house.”

“Okay, good. Is it … okay that I called you?”

“I guess so.”

“Okay.” Robbie sounded happy. “So what are you doing?”

“I’m reading this book my mom got me.”

“Hmm,” said Robbie like a soccer mom. “That is so nice. She leaves you alone for a week and buys you a book.” Then he said, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that. What book is it?”

“It’s a VC Andrews novel.”

Robbie laughed. “Oh my god, are you serious? My mom reads those.”

“Which ones has she read?” Jade demanded. She continued before he could answer her. “Ugh. I read _The Wildflowers_ series last year and it was so good. They just published a sequel and I can’t find it anywhere!”

“I’m learning so much about you,” Robbie said. “What is this book about?”

“Do you really want to know?”

“Sure.”

“Ugh. Okay. So this is the Casteel series. She actually wrote this one. She died like a million years ago and now there’s a – “

“Yeah, I know, a ghostwriter. My mom said he wrote the _Flowers in the Attic_ sequel.”

“The chick in this book is named Heaven,” Jade told him. “Which is the title, by the way. My mom was actually going to name me Heaven after this book, but my dad convinced her it wasn’t a good idea.”

“I think I like Jade better. Though, if you were named Heaven, I’d probably say I like that better too.”

Jade made a face at her phone. Was he flirting with her? Over a VC Andrews novel? Well, there was nothing she could do about that. “Okay, so Heaven is like living in poverty in the hills and she has a million little brothers and sisters. Her real mom died giving birth to her and, uh, there’s like an invalid grandfather and stuff.”

“Isn’t there always,” Robbie said. Jade laughed happily.

“And her dad is a huge creep and I think he slightly wants to rape her because she looks so much like her mom. He’s always beating the kids and disappearing on drinking binges and shit.”

“That sounds so horrible,” Robbie said. “Do you really like reading that stuff?”

“Yes, it makes me feel better. What about your gross-out horror movies?”

“Hmm. I guess you’re right.”

“It’s not all bad though! There’s this rich kid named Logan that’s in love with Heaven. He loves her even though she’s a poor barefoot girl from the hills. He’s always bringing her food and saving the family and shit.”

Robbie scoffed. “ _Typical_ rich guy move!”

“I know, right?”

“Is that the whole book? How does it end?”

“I’m only like halfway through,” Jade told him. “I’m so pissed, I’ll never find the other books. Ugh, it’s so good. Anyway. So Heaven’s dad is like fucking selling off her siblings to families that want to have kids for $500. He just sold Heaven to this family – “

“ _What_ time period is this?” Robbie demanded. He seemed very into her synopsis of book, which Jade appreciated.

“Supposed to be the sixties but it feels like it’s like 1910 or some shit. Artistic liberties.”

Robbie laughed. “Sounds about right.”

“So Heaven just got sent to this family and the mom is crazy. The fake dad is nice but he’s like, too nice. He keeps flirting with her and she’s like huh, wonder what’s going on. I think he’s going to fuck her!”

“Gross!” said Robbie. “Is it graphic?”

“Kind of.” Jade flipped back in her book and read him a passage.

“Whew, I feel really flustered,” Robbie said.

Jade laughed. “That’s my favorite part too, it’s okay.”

“Jeez, Jade!” Robbie said, and she laughed some more.

“Okay. Sorry. Sorry I just talked about a book for eight minutes.”

“It’s okay, I liked it. Um, not the rapey parts. I like talking to you.”

“Umm,” said Jade like an awkward cow now that she wasn’t reading VC Andrews sex scenes. She could hear the dryer going off in the basement, saving her. “Oh. My laundry is done. I have my good sweater in there, I have to go. Sorry.”

“Okay, I still have to do all the English homework. Let me know if Heaven fucks her fake dad.”

“I will text you immediately,” Jade said and hung up. She went down into the basement and folded up her clothes. She’d never heard Robbie say ‘fuck’ before. They were bringing out all kinds of new things in each other.

 


	9. Chapter Nine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> > Jade laughed at Robbie saying _Riot Girl._ Then she said, “Holy shit, Robbie, I didn’t know you had a girlfriend before!”
>> 
>> “Oh, yeah. Yeah. 2010 was my, uh, summer of love.” Robbie grinned like he’d told a joke. “We kissed like four times by the art cabin and I wrote her a love letter. It was three pages! It was like, romantic styles. I touched her boob for almost six seconds over her swimsuit.”
>> 
>> “Oh my god, that was like so sweet until you said the boob thing.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I've written enough to where I can start posting. I know, crazy fast. I'll probably upload a chapter twice a week until it's done. Probably be about 30 chapters? Just pretend it's a season of Victorious and each chapter is an episode. I'm uploading two now because, uh, I really love them.

**Chapter Nine**

The next day brought another eventful afternoon of hanging out at Robbie’s house. They didn’t have work that night, but Jade figured her mom probably still hadn’t come home, and she didn’t really want to be alone. Having seen her dad yesterday had really messed her up, and now she was thinking about shit she didn’t want to think about. She didn’t want to be alone, but she also just kind of wanted to lay in her bed and eat chips and think about her brother, miss her brother. She was trying hard not to do that anymore. Anyway, Robbie’d asked her over.

Jade sat on the couch while Robbie got them drinks and a snack (she had laughed at him when he’d asked if she wanted a snack) and then went into the laundry room. He had to fold his sister’s clothes because his mom was working late. Jade had a sneaking feeling that he always did it.

Robbie’s ancient and ugly cat Ginger jumped up onto the couch beside her. Ginger yowled twice so Jade patted her hesitantly. Ginger stopped yowling and curled up in a ball on the cushion next to her.

“I tamed the beast,” Jade told Robbie when he came back in with an overflowing laundry basket. She patted Ginger again. One cat-ear twitched.

Robbie smiled at her, a lot. It was weird, sometimes he looked sort of okay to her when he was smiling. “She likes you,” he said.

Jade liked being at Robbie’s house, probably too much. It felt like a home even when his mother wasn’t there, and there were lots of blankets. She liked Robbie, too, she had to admit. It was a terrible thing to admit, something she’d never thought she’d do.

He was a good person. She guessed she’d always known that.

Robbie turned on the TV while Jade clicked through his laptop, editing his English paper. He needed to get a ninety on it to get a B for the semester. _The Care Bears Movie II_ was on TV on the family channel.

“This was my shit as a six year old,” Jade told Robbie. Robbie’d made her a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and given her a plate of Oreos. She ate an Oreo as she sang along with the TV. She probably looked great. “Growing up, it’s something you can measure. Growing up, it happens every day.”

Robbie was folding socks like a soccer mom (actually folding them and not balling them up) and laughing at her. “I feel like I’m in an alternate universe,” he said. “Can you sing the whole song?”

“I can and I will,” Jade said. She could and she did. Robbie shook his head and laughed at her some more. “What, you never watched the Care Bears?”

“No, because I wasn’t born in the eighties,” Robbie said.

Jade glared at him. “There was a 2000s revival, Shapiro.” She watched the screen. “Oh my god, I had that Care a Lot Castle playset.”

“Jade,” Robbie said, laughing, “you’re saying so much incriminating stuff right now.”

“You wouldn’t use the Care Bears against me. You wouldn’t know how.”

Robbie looked at the screen. “Oh, wow, that cartoon cake looks so good.”

“I KNOW,” Jade said.

Robbie was smiling at her again, a lot. “Who was your favorite? Grumpy?”

Jade made a face at him. “Oh, because I’m so mean, right? I liked Cheer Bear.”

Robbie goggled at her. “Really?”

“She was athletic!” Jade scowled.

“And that … appealed to you?”

“I did sports stuff when I was a kid,” Jade told him. She almost said ‘My brother.’ Wyatt had used to pick her up from practice; he’d take her to the park sometimes and time her as she ran around the track. He had done track too, he was a long distance runner, number 3 in the county. Then she said, “I did track and field. For a little while. I was in junior cheerleading.”

Robbie raised his eyebrows very high. “Wow, _you_ did cheerleading? I’m trying so hard not to make a sexist leech comment.”

“I was like ten or eleven, so don’t.”

Robbie made his prune face, which made her laugh. “Gotcha.”

They watched _The Care Bears Movie II_ as Jade edited his essay. She felt secretly very happy that Robbie had kept it on. She hadn’t seen the movie in years. Getting trapped in the crystals was still scary. Robbie finished folding the clothes and got another soda for her. He stood staring at the TV. “That is actually really great animation,” he said. Dark Heart was holding Kristy, trying to wake her up. They were so in love, even though Dark Heart was an evil entity and Kristy was like twelve. Jade had always thought so. She told this to Robbie, it made him smile at her.

Jade scrolled through the music on his computer. She’d gone through his whole laptop the other week and sadly he had no gross porn on it for her to tease him about. He had a lot of digital artwork that he’d done; there was even a drawing of her and Cat and Beck, sitting in the courtyard at school. She couldn’t believe how good he was.

Robbie had a lot of music on his laptop. He liked a lot of typical gross boy stuff, metalcore and grindcore – she recognized some of the bands from when she’d dated Beck. He also liked some music she wouldn’t have expected. He liked some older stuff like she did, some nineties music her brother had liked. He really liked the Red Hot Chili Peppers (“Only with Frusciante!” he yelled, whoever or whatever the fuck that was), and Green Day. Green Day was probably his favorite. He was such a dork.

Jade played a No Doubt song. He had two Yeah Yeah Yeahs playlists, every Paramore album. “You got a lot of chick music on here, Robbie.”

Robbie was sitting in the armchair across from her. Ginger had migrated to his lap, and it made him look like a grandpa. He was wearing a checkered sweater with weirdly baggy sleeves so it was very grandpa. “Are you leading into some joke about me being a woman?” he asked. “Because I have to tell you, I feel that’s very unfeminist of you.”

“No, I wasn’t going to make a joke about you being a woman,” Jade lied, disappointed. She didn’t want to be unfeminist. “Jesus. How many Regina Spektor bootlegs do you _have?_ ”

“She’s my dream girl,” Robbie said. “Oh my god! I went to her tour when she came here two years ago. She looked right at me, Jade.”

“I’m sure she did.”

“I was screaming and crying and throwing my t-shirt at her, so.”

Jade laughed at him. “You were not.”

“I was slightly crying,” Robbie told her, grinning.

“Okay, I believe that. Also the screaming part I guess.”

Robbie laughed. He said stupid things and made her laugh as she looked through his music. _The Care Bears Movie II_ ended and _Peter Pan_ came on. “Ugh,” said Jade. The winter play was _Peter Pan_ this year. “So glad we work at a shitty job too much and didn’t have to do _Peter Pan_ this year.”

“I still can’t believe Beck got cast as Peter. I didn’t think he’d do it,” Robbie said. “I saw him in his costume last week. He looked like the Jolly Green Giant, but mini. Jolly jolly little stringbean.”

Jade laughed. “That’s mean to say about your best friend,” she said.

Robbie scowled exaggeratedly. “Beck is not my best friend!” he said. “Your best friend doesn’t abandon you at a water park to leave with a swimsuit model!” His voice went up at the end like he’d been fake angry when he was saying it and then got real angry. Then he flushed and frowned. “Uh, sorry.”

“I don’t care,” Jade said. She cared a little. “When was this?”

“Um, June I think. Right after school ended.”

“Oh,” Jade said. She and Beck had broken up at the end of May.

Robbie cleared his throat. He was pretty red again. “I guess I’d say Cat is probably my best friend,” he said.

Jade was watching the TV. “I never realized you guys were such good friends.”

“Ah, she’s all right.” Robbie said. He cleared his throat. “She was really happy that we all hung out yesterday.”

“Yeah, it was fun.” Jade didn’t know why she was feeling so weird about Cat and Robbie. Probably because they were both sort of good people and good friends, and they’d been good friends. She felt strangely jealous of both of them. She had history with Cat and Robbie, but it was mostly her screaming at them.

She looked through more of Robbie’s music to distract herself from feeling weird. She clicked on a Garbage song. “I can’t believe you know this.” She almost said ‘My brother’ again. Wyatt used to yell about how hot Shirley Manson was, making his girlfriend Kristen holler at him. “I know someone who used to listen to them.”

Robbie smiled. “I, too, am only happy when it ra-ains _._ ” Jade smiled back at him. He was still slightly red for some reason; she didn’t know why. She hadn’t even teased him about trying to kiss Cat before or anything. “I uh, you know, at summer camp when I was like thirteen. I had a sort of girlfriend, she was very into, um, chick rock. I guess that’s why I like that stuff. She was, as you say, a _riot girl._ ”

Jade laughed at Robbie saying _Riot Girl_. Then she said, “Holy shit, Robbie, I didn’t know you had a girlfriend before!”

“Oh, yeah. Yeah. 2010 was my, uh, summer of love.” Robbie grinned like he’d told a joke. “We kissed like four times by the art cabin and I wrote her a love letter. It was three pages! It was like, romantic styles. I touched her boob for almost six seconds over her swimsuit.”

“Oh my god, that was like so sweet until you said the boob thing.”

Robbie laughed. “Sorry, I always get real whimsical about it. Um, we wrote letters for like all of eighth grade. She lost a lot of weight, though, um, dumped me the first week we went back to camp.”

“Aww, no!” said Jade. She pouted.

“Yes. Yes, I was very sad. I still haven’t fully healed.” Robbie sat up, disturbing Ginger on his lap, who hissed at him. “Want to see a picture of her?”

Jade absolutely did. “I absolutely do.”

“Okay. It’s up in my room on the wall of shame, part two.”

Jade followed him up the steps. She’d been upstairs before to use the bathroom, but she hadn’t gone in his room yet. It was dark and surprisingly small with a million posters on the wall. There was a huge glass tank alongside one wall, part of why the room looked so small.

Jade made a beeline for the tank. She tapped at the glass because she knew it would annoy Robbie. “Ooh. What’s this?”

“Augh!” said Robbie. “Don’t tap on the glass! That’s Einstein.”

“What’s Einstein?” Jade asked, peering into the tank.

Robbie came and stood beside her and took the lid off of the tank. “Einstein is my turtle,” he told her. He reached into the tank and pulled out what Jade had thought was a flat rock. “He is a red-eared slider turtle! Isn’t he neat? My son.”

Einstein pulled his head and most of his legs into his shell. Robbie looked at him lovingly. “He’s very shy.”

“I bet,” Jade said dryly. She liked turtles all right, but had never spent any time wondering if they were shy. “I didn’t know you had a turtle. Learning lots of stuff about you.”

“I mean, he’s not very exciting. You haven’t been in my room before. Because!” Robbie gestured with Einstein. “The wall of shame is here!”

The whole wall that Robbie’s desk was against was covered in pictures. Jade went over to it, hoping for more baby pictures. There were a few.

“My mom gets really emotional and cries about my childhood if I ever try to take these down,” Robbie told her. “So I just keep them up and suffer. That picture of me in my headgear haunts me at night.”

It was going to haunt Jade, too. “Where’s summer camp girlfriend?” she asked.

“Oh.” Robbie put Einstein down on his desk. “Umm. I probably moved it in a fit of, uh, ahem, masculine sorrow.” He leaned over the desk, peering at the wall. Jade looked at Einstein. He was slowly pulling his head out of his shell. He blinked his little turtle eyes slowly. Pretty cute, Jade thought.

“Here!” Robbie said loudly. Einstein’s head zipped back into his shell. “Oh. Sorry! He has anxiety.” He handed Jade the picture.

“Oh,” Jade said. It was Robbie and another boy, standing next to a girl who was. Well. Not small. It looked like they’d all just been swimming. “Um. I can see why she’d want to lose weight.”

Robbie coughed. “That was actually after she lost the weight. Amy. Was her name.”

“… Oh!” Jade said. “I mean! Hmm. Okay.” She decided to refer to Summer Camp Girlfriend as Fat Amy in her head from now on, even though it was probably unfeminist.

Robbie sighed. “Like ten minutes after that picture was taken was when she did it, Jade. Dumped me. That was my last real smile at camp. And I never, I never went back. I never will.”

Jade couldn’t help laughing at him. He always said such silly stuff on purpose. “I can’t believe you have short hair in this picture,” she said. “Also.” She stared at the picture some more. “You have really weirdly small nipples.”

Robbie smiled. “They are exactly the size of a dime.”

“Not sure if I want to know why you know that.”

“Andre and I – “

“Nope! I decided! I don’t want to know!”

Robbie laughed a lot. In the dim light of his room, his smile was nice and his face looked angular. His skin was real pale. He didn’t look that bad, honestly. Fat Amy didn’t know what she was missing.

Jade smiled at him and tacked the picture back up on the wall. “Einstein is cool, Robbie,” she said.

“Thanks!” said Robbie. Einstein was slowly crawling over a pencil. “He appreciates it.”

It was getting late, so Jade reluctantly decided to go home. She went back downstairs as Robbie put Einstein away and washed his hands. _All Dogs Go To Heaven_ was playing on the TV now. Jade knew all the songs to that one, too, but she’d save that surprise for Robbie for another day.

Robbie put his hoodie on and walked her the three blocks to the bus stop, harrumphing a lot. “It is not a problem for me to drive you home,” he said.

“It’s fine,” Jade told him. “I have you for work, I have to make the most of my Metro pass.” She didn’t want to use Robbie for rides all the time like she had Beck. He’d told her once during her potato chip depression that she didn’t appreciate him.

Robbie put his hood up, looking silly. The bus was rumbling down the street towards them. “Will you text me when you get home?”

“Sure,” said Jade. Then she remembered and hit his arm. “Oh! I finished my book during Photo class today. Her fake dad did fuck her!”

“Oh my god!” said Robbie, instantly appalled.

“Right? So Logan found out and now he might not love her anymore. She isn’t pure anymore or some shit. It was a huge scene.” Jade stepped reluctantly towards the bus.

Robbie made a face. “What a fuckboy.”

“I don’t know how I feel about you cursing, Robbie.”

“What a putz,” Robbie corrected.

Jade smiled. She got on the bus, went to sit at the back. Robbie waved at her, goofy. “Text me!” he hollered.

Jade’s house was still all dark by the time she finally reached it. It was after ten. She got inside and flipped the living room light on. The room stayed dark. “Fuck,” Jade said. She fumbled her way to the kitchen, flicking light switches. None of them came on. Her mom probably hadn’t paid the electric in forever.

Jade gritted her teeth and counted to ten so she wouldn’t scream. She used the flashlight on her phone to make her way to her room. She only had eleven percent. She should have been smart and used Robbie’s charger.

She laid on her bed and looked at the dark ceiling for a long time. She called her mom’s cell phone, draining her battery, but it just went straight to voicemail. Jade tossed her phone onto the floor. She could hear the cars whirring by on the street; she couldn’t even listen to any of her brother’s CDs to make herself feel better. She kept looking at the ceiling.


	10. Chapter Ten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> > “Can I go in with you?” Robbie asked.
>> 
>> “Sure.” Jade got out of the car and Robbie followed.
>> 
>> “Hit my shoulder three times if you need me to make a scene in here. If I hyperventilate a lot I can trigger an asthma attack.”
>> 
>> “That is such a great talent,” Jade told him. “Can not understand how you’re still single. I think we’ll be all right.”

**Chapter Ten**

 

Jade woke up late and missed her 7am bus because she had no idea what time it was. The power was still out; it hadn’t magically came back on during the night. Jade had slept uneasily, waking up probably every hour or so.

At least the water was still on, though it was freezing cold. She thought that the gas was still on in the house, but the pilot light on the water heater had probably been kicked off when they’d shut off the power. She took the fastest and coldest shower ever and brushed her teeth.

She had to walk across the street to Mr Hernandez’s house to ask what time it was. She didn’t have to, but he was retired and was usually home. He was the only neighbor on Jade’s street that she was 100% certain wasn’t currently or hadn’t ever been a gangbanger. He had used to deliver their newspaper during her freshman year, early in the morning. She knew he’d be awake. He usually talked to her on the weekends; three times he’d gave her some weird flat cake he’d made that had honey in it. He waved at her from his window every morning as she got on the bus or into Cat’s car. He’d shake his head at her as she smoked her cigarette on the lawn.

Mr. Hernandez opened the door slowly. He was short and thin with a deeply lined, tanned face. His hair was white and hung down flat on either side of his face. He looked like a shaman, but was just Mexican. He opened the door more when he saw it was Jade.

Jade felt really stupid and like a little kid. “I’m sorry to bother you.”

Mr. Hernandez stepped outside. “You are late for school, kiddo,” he said.

It was dumb, but Jade didn’t mind being called kiddo by an old dude like Mr. Hernandez. “Um. Yeah. Actually I just wanted to know what time it was. Um. Our power went out, so.”

“No good,” said Mr. Hernandez sympathetically. He said, “Your mother home?”

Jade cleared her throat. Her hair was still wet, and the cold morning wind was whipping it around, making her freeze. “No. She’s uh. Out.”

Mr. Hernandez didn’t say anything for a few seconds. He stared at her house. Jade felt a little stupider. She hadn’t needed to come over here. She just didn’t want to wait for the bus forever, not knowing what time it was. “I just, you know. I don’t know what time the bus comes after seven-ten.”

Mr. Hernandez kept looking at her house. “Loud redhead is not coming for you?”

Jade wished that Mr Hernandez _was_ a shaman and that Loud Redhead could be Cat’s Native American name. “No. My cell phone’s dead.”

“Hmm.” Mr Hernandez shook his head. He had a deep voice. He didn’t really have an accent, but he spoke his words in a weird deliberate way. His ‘hmm’ had eighty thousand meanings to it. “I can take you to the school.”

“Oh. No. No, that’s okay.” That wasn’t what she had meant at all, coming over here.

“I am going for the market anyways.” Mr Hernandez leaned back through his doorway and pulled his keys off the wall. “Right, ah, now. The high school is on the way. With the big color block out front, that right?”

The fake Hollywood sign. “Yeah, that’s my school.” Jade shifted her messenger bag. “You really don’t have to.”

“Old man embarrasses you,” Mr. Hernandez said. He was stepping around her and walking down the porch steps.

“No you don’t!” Jade said. She followed him out to his pickup truck. It was old and maroon. She hoped he wouldn’t assault or kidnap her.

Mr. Hernandez drove down the Boulevard, the same way Cat and her brother went. He did not kidnap or assault her. It didn’t take long for him to get to Hollywood Arts, about ten minutes. Neither of them said anything the whole ride. Mr. Hernandez parked his truck alongside the sidewalk about a half-block away from school and put his hazard lights on. “Thank you,” said Jade. “I can get a ride home. Obviously. I wouldn’t ask you to come get me.”

“What you gonna do about the power?”

“Um. I don’t know. Hopefully my mom will be home soon.”

Mr. Hernandez looked at her. “I don’t know.”

Jade almost smiled, even though there was nothing to smile about. He could say so much in a few words. “Yeah, me either. Um. I have some money though.” She didn’t know how she was going to get all the way across town to pay the bill, though. It’s not like she had a credit card on her. She got out of the truck and walked slowly into school, thinking about what she should do.

She’d missed Improv but found Cat out in the hallway. “Hey!” Cat said happily.

“Hey,” said Jade. Cat gave her half a candy bar and they went into English together.

At lunch Tori was sitting with Cat and Robbie, making Jade feel grumpy. Robbie looked unhappy. He looked up when he saw Jade coming. “Hey!” he said loudly. “You didn’t text me.”

“Don’t have a coronary,” Jade told him.

“Micromanaging,” Cat said without looking away from her phone.

“I am not!” Robbie snapped.

“My phone died,” Jade said. “I forgot to charge it.”

“Oh.” Robbie still looked unhappy. “I was worried something happened to you.”

Jade rolled her eyes at him. She didn’t want to tell him about her power going off, certainly not in front of Cat and especially not in front of Tori. “Nope, I was fine.”

“Oh. Okay. Um. Sorry.” Robbie stared at her for a second, then turned his attention back to his sketchbook. Jade slouched at the table. Cat gave her a juice box. She was busy ranting to Tori about decorations for the dance.

The rest of her classes flew by because she didn’t care. Jade walked slowly to her locker after the last bell had rung. She actually didn’t have any homework for once. She saw Robbie at his locker and walked over. “Hey.”

Robbie looked up and smiled at her. “Hey,” he said. “Are you okay?”

“Sure,” Jade said. She stood next to him and chewed on her lip. “Sorry about earlier.”

“What? It’s fine,” said Robbie. “Did I – make you mad or something? Last night?”

“No,” Jade told him. “Um. Can I ask you something?”

Robbie closed his locker. “Yeah, sure.”

“Um,” Jade said again. She hadn’t thought she was going to tell him until she’d just walked over. She thought she could trust Robbie, though. “I didn’t actually forget to charge my phone last night. My power got shut off.”

Robbie stared at her. He looked surprised. “Seriously? That sucks, Jade. Are they going to turn it back on?”

“Probably not. My mom owes them a lot of money. She’s not home again.”

“Oh.” Robbie looked like he wanted to say something, but didn’t. He said, “I.” He made a face. “Do you ... need money?”

“No!” Jade said. “God. That’s not what I was going to ask you.”

Robbie turned red. “No, I didn’t mean – “

“I have money. I just wanted to know, I guess. Like. If you could drive me to PGES. I dunno how much the bill is, I probably have to go there.”

“Oh!” said Robbie. “Yeah! Yeah. Sure. Of course I’ll drive you.”

“Okay. Thanks.”

They walked out of school and into the parking lot towards Robbie’s car. Jade felt stupid. She should have brought her money to school. She hadn’t been thinking this morning, too grumpy and cold. “Um. Sorry, we have to go to my house. I have to get money.”

“Okay, sure.”

They drove to her house and Robbie parked on the street in front of it. Mr. Hernandez was outside, whittling wood on his porch like a shaman. He was smoking a pipe. Jade waved at him; he waved back. She walked over to the driver’s side of Robbie’s car. “You can come inside if you want,” she told him.

“Okay.” Robbie followed her inside her little house. “I’ve never been in your house before.”

“What, you don’t crawl into my window at night and stand in the corner, watching me sleep?”

“Ha ha,” said Robbie and made the prune face at her. Then he smiled at her. “Not to your knowledge.”

Jade laughed even though she still felt like shit, and felt even worse with Robbie in her house. It wasn’t that messy, but it smelled like cigarettes as usual, and Mom had left a bunch of dishes everywhere over the weekend. Jade folded up a blanket on the couch. She stared at the burnt out blunt that was in the ashtray on the coffee table. God, Robbie had probably never seen a blunt in his life. “Let’s go to my room,” she said decisively.

Robbie stood awkwardly in the middle of the room as Jade reached under her bed and pulled out her panda backpack. The panda backpack made Robbie smile. Jade opened up her safe. The combination was Wyatt’s birthday. She counted out her money. “Do you think $600 is enough to turn the power back on?”

“Um, Jesus. I would hope so. I, yeah. I think that’s enough.” Jade stuffed the huge mass of twenties into her wallet; Robbie stared at her.

“How much money do you _have?_ ”

“Umm. Like almost two thousand.”

“Jesus,” Robbie said again.

“Yeah. Sorry I always make you pay for my food. It’s for college and shit.”

Robbie said, “No, I don’t care about the food. I, I don’t think you should keep so much cash in the house.”

“I know. I need to open a checking account. The bank’s too far away.”

“We could go there too. I mean, might be too late today. We could go.”

Robbie drove her down to the electric company. They were only open until five, and it was after three-thirty. She and Robbie sat in the car and looked through the huge building window. It looked like a long line inside. They both sighed looking at the line.

“Can I go in with you?” Robbie asked.

“Sure.” Jade got out of the car and Robbie followed.

“Hit my shoulder three times if you need me to make a scene in here. If I hyperventilate a lot I can trigger an asthma attack.”

“That is such a great talent,” Jade told him. “Can not understand how you’re still single. I think we’ll be all right.”

The line didn’t take that long, a little less than an hour. Jade didn’t know their account number, she stupidly hadn’t looked for any of the letters at home. She had to give her mom’s name and address and their phone number. They were going to let her pay it since she was eighteen. “You guys were on a payment plan before, but it _was_ paid off over the summer,” the man at the desk told her, looking at his computer. He looked at the screen some more. “And then, uh, yep, looks like it hasn’t been paid since.”

Jade and Robbie winced. “How much is it?” Jade asked.

“Eight thirty-nine and forty two cents,” said the man. Jade almost fell over. Robbie put his hand on the small of her back, then moved it away. “You don’t have to pay that much today to get it turned back on. How much do you have?”

“I have like 600 dollars.”

“Okay. Well, you don’t have to pay that much either. Let me see what I can do.” The man typed into his computer. _Gary_ , his name tag read. “Can you pay three hundred? There’s a sixty-five dollar fee to have one of our guys come back out and turn the power back on, but I’m going to override that manually.”

“Yes, I can pay that. Thank you so much.”

“You’re going to have to pay extra each month until the bill is paid up, or they’re going to come back out and turn it off again. Sorry. I don’t control that.”

“That’s okay.”

“Can you pay an extra ninety a month for six months? Then the overdue will be paid off.”

Ninety seemed like a lot extra. Jade probably would have to start paying the bill herself. She hadn’t realized that her mom hadn’t been paying it for so long. It had only gotten shut off once before, a few years ago. “Yeah, that’s fine.”

“When can they turn her power back on?” Robbie asked.

Gary typed some stuff into his computer. “Our technicians are available to serve you 24/7,” he said like a robot. Then he said, “Holy shit, that came out completely on autopilot. Um. Well, they _are_ out all the time turning power on and off.” He typed more stuff into the computer, then scowled at it and typed more. He looked at Jade. “I’m going to put an alert out on your house so they get there quickly. You’re uh, fourth in line. Should be back on before nine pm.”

“Thank you so much,” Jade said again.

“Yep!” Gary took her money and typed more into the computer. He gave her a receipt and a new bill that had the balance and the account number on it. “You’re all set. Should be back on in a few hours.”

“Thanks,” Jade said. It had been easier than she’d thought. She’d thought it would take days to get the power back on, maybe not until after the weekend. She said to Robbie too, “Thanks.”

Robbie smiled at her. “You’re welcome.”

“That guy was pretty nice,” Jade said as they got back into the car. “I thought he was going to give us a lot more shit.”

Robbie gave her a Look. “Jade. He was nice to you because you look like a supermodel.”

“Umm,” said Jade. She didn’t feel like a supermodel. Her hair felt greasy even though she’d just washed it this morning. She rubbed at her shoulder. She knew she didn’t look as nice as Robbie thought she did; he didn’t see all of her. “Yeah, I obviously tried real hard this morning. Thanks for noticing.”

Robbie coughed. “Um,” he said too. “Uh. So do you want to go anywhere else? We have time to kill before your power gets turned back on.”

It was nice that he wanted to stay and hang with her until her power came back on. Jade couldn’t think of anything for them to do. “Oh,” she said finally. “Sorry this is lame. But can you take me to get groceries? I always go and get stuff on Wednesday when we aren’t working. There’s like literally nothing at my house right now.”

“Sure,” said Robbie. He started his car up. He didn’t say anything for a while. He kept pursing his lips and making faces. Jade turned Pandora radio on and sang along to some songs. Robbie waited until she was finished singing the Toadies song. “So,” he said. “Uh, does your mom, like, not buy groceries either?”

“Sometimes she does. She buys herself stuff.” Robbie made a face, so Jade said, “I mean, she used to buy me shit, obviously. I have a job now. I’m eighteen, I don’t need her to buy me food.”

“But still,” Robbie said. “She’s your mom, she’s supposed to – “

“Robbie,” Jade interrupted him. She really didn’t want to get mad at him. “We don’t all have parents like yours, okay.”

Robbie turned red. “I – I know. Yep. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean anything by it. I just wish you had, had a better – “

“My mom’s okay,” Jade said. “She’s just not like yours.”

“Okay,” said Robbie. An awkwardness settled over the car. She could tell he didn’t know what to say to her.

It got better once they got to the grocery store. Robbie had taken her to Whole Foods, which was more expensive than the place she usually went to. But she hadn’t had to pay as much as she’d thought to get the power back on, so it was okay. She guessed she could splurge on food for once.

They spent a lot of time in the grocery store, way over an hour. Robbie kept grabbing things and saying stupid stuff. He shook a bag of Fritos at her. “Want to cut calories? Put it in a salad!” he said like a commercial. Jade laughed at him. She didn’t know why he could make her laugh so much. He was so corny, almost not even like a real person. She put the Fritos in her cart next to her chicken and potatoes.

They looked at the desserts for a long time. They were super expensive here at Whole Foods. Robbie read the display tag over a cheesecake. “Ultimate Plain,” he read. “Wow, look, me as a cheesecake.”

Jade laughed at him again. “You’re not that plain,” she said.

Robbie smiled at her in a really nice way. “Thanks,” he said. He drove her home and took the most complicated back way ever, killing time. They drove for over an hour. _Gone Away_ by The Offspring came on the radio. Jade switched past it. Sometimes she couldn’t listen to certain songs.

When Robbie pulled up by her house all the lights were on from her flicking switches last night. “Looks like your power is back, yay!” said Robbie. He looked so happy for her that she didn’t even make fun of him for saying yay. He carried her groceries into the house for her.

“Hey, do you know how to light a pilot light? It went out on the boiler thing,” Jade said.

“Yeah, sure, I can do that.” Robbie followed her into the basement. Jade gave him her lighter and he stretched out on the floor, flickering the light under the tank until the flame caught. He got up and dusted himself off. “Good to go.”

“That was actually kind of manly,” Jade said, walking him out. It was a little past nine.

“Oh my god, you are full of compliments tonight,” Robbie told her, grinning. “Not that plain, and kind of manly. I’m going to get a swollen head at this rate.”

“Shut up,” Jade said, laughing. They stood in front of his car. “Thanks for doing all this stupid shit with me. I’m sure it wasn’t your idea of a great day.”

“Ummmm,” said Robbie. He squinted and smiled at her. “No, I didn’t mind.”

“Okay, well. Thanks.” Jade thought about it. “Hey.” She put her hand on his arm for a second, then took it away, because that was weird. That was weird, right? “Let’s, like, uh go out in the actual public this weekend and do something fun. Something that’s not, like, standing in line at the electric company.”

Robbie was looking at his arm where she’d touched him. He looked back up at her and smiled. “Yeah. Yeah, great! The actual public.”

“Oh!” said Jade. She was getting excited. “I can cook you dinner too.” She was a good cook; most people didn’t believe her. “I want to make a lemon chicken. You saw me buy everything. It’ll be good.”

“You – sure!” Robbie said loudly. “Uh, yeah, yeah that’s – that’s great. That’d be great.” It was pretty dark out in the yard, but she could tell he was blushing pretty hard. She felt really weird for a second – God, it kind of sounded like she was asking him on a date or something. Jade pushed the thought away. A friend could make a friend chicken, couldn’t they? “Okay. Yep. So I, uh.”

“I’m going to put my groceries away,” Jade told him. She was still trying hard not to feel weird. “I’ll see you at school. You’re working tomorrow, right?”

“Yep! Yes. I am.”

“Okay. Me too. So I’ll see you.”

“Okay.” Robbie stood there stupidly, then went to walk around to the driver’s side of his car. “Good night, Jade.”

“Night. Thanks again.” She watched him drive away.

Mr. Hernandez was still out on his porch, bathed in weak light from the overhead lamp. He looked down the street at where Robbie’s car had gone, then made a very stupid face at her. Jade made one back.

  



	11. Chapter Eleven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> > “I love screaming at people,” Jade said as she got into the car.
>> 
>> “I love you screaming at people,” Robbie said. “It’s so hot. When you yelled, _Who the fuck is supplying the goddamn entrees,_ I had to go to the bathroom and splash cold water on my face.”
>> 
>> Jade laughed. “You did not. Dude, you need to stop fucking flirting with me.”
>> 
>> Robbie turned a little pink and smiled. “I can’t help it, I love commanding women.”
>> 
>> He was still flirting with her. “I’m really not that commanding, I just act like it.”

**Chapter Eleven**

  


At school one day the next week Jade was sitting with just Cat during lunchtime. Andre was off being Andre and getting chicks; Robbie was in the auditorium talking to the head of the art department about something. He was probably not getting chicks.

Cat was much calmer today. The Christmas Festivus was only a week away, and they still weren’t remotely set up, but Jade had promised Cat that she’d go to the auditorium with her after school and scream at people until they did what Cat wanted. Cat had great faith in Jade’s ability to scream at people.

Cat and Jade had pooled all the change in their purses and bought seven huge cookies from the lunch truck. There were only two days left of school before holiday break, and it was the last day the truck was serving food. She and Cat were laughing about an annoyed impression of Sikowitz that Robbie had done before running off to the auditorium.

“Hey, how come you never went out with Robbie?” Jade asked her. She’d been wondering for a while. “Like really went out. He’s not that bad.”

Cat grinned and then made a huge goofy face at Jade. “Not that bad, huh? Wow-wee! Something going on with you two? Romance blossoming on the Savannah?”

Jade was reminded that she actually hated Cat and her numerous obscure Lion King references. “Ugh, gross. Nevermind, I actually don’t want to ask you any questions ever.”

Cat laughed happily. “I’m just teasing you, Jade!” she said. “Robbie’s the best, he’s like my best guy friend. I feel really bad for leading him on last year. We kissed twice, but I just couldn’t do it.”

Jade made a face.

“Ew, not _that!_ ” Cat said, and threw a cookie crumb at her. “I mean I couldn’t go out with him! Robbie’s great but he’s so obsessive, like a, a helicopter mom, a soccer mom. You see how he treats you with rides and stuff. God, if he dated someone, he’d never leave them alone! It’d be terrible!”

Jade, who was always alone when not with Cat or Robbie and hated it, nodded slowly. “Yeah. Terrible. You’re totally right.”

Cat ate her cookie. “Anyway he doesn’t like me anymore. He likes _someone else._ ” She made another huge goony face.

“Ugh, gross,” said Jade. “No he doesn’t.”

“Doesn’t he?” said Cat, annoying. “He told me all about your _amazing night._ ”

Jade scrunched up her face. She and Robbie had hung out this weekend. They’d gotten Craig to let them work Sunday night and they’d went out Saturday. Jade had made him and his sister an early dinner at his house – Mom’s gross boyfriend had been back at hers – and then they’d gone to the punk rock flea market in Pasadena. It hadn’t been that punk rock. There’d been a petting zoo. Jade had ran back through the stalls and bought Robbie secret Christmas stuff while he’d been distracted holding a baby llama.

“Oh my god, did he? He didn’t tell you it was a _date,_ did he?” Jade demanded. “Who else did he tell?”

“No one, just me! He told me not to blab my mouth everywhere.” Cat frowned. “Which, do I do that? I so don’t do that. He had a lot of fun with you, he always does. He thinks you’re super funny and the best best.”

Well, that was nice. Jade was the best best, also super funny. It was nice to be appreciated. “We’re just friends, though,” she told Cat.

“Okay, okay, I know,” said Cat unconvincingly. Jade glared at her. Cat smiled and stuffed a giant piece of cookie in her mouth.

Robbie was walking up to the lunch table with his huge backpack and a bunch of papers. “Hey guys!” he said. He looked happy.

Cat grinned at him and then coughed and sprayed cookie crumbs on the table. “Hey there, Mr. _Not That Bad!_ ”

Jade rolled her eyes heavily. Robbie grinned. “Wait, what? Who said that?”

“No one!” Cat said loudly.

“What’s with all your papers?” Jade asked him.

Robbie beamed and showed her. He had nice teeth; the headgear had worked. The papers were photocopies of a sketch he’d been working on. It was a landscape with whales swimming in the sky. “Mrs. Contellini told me she wanted to use my drawing for the cover of the school’s literary book!”

The girls exclaimed over him. Cat said, “Oh hey, wow!” and Jade said, “Shit, Robbie, that’s awesome!”

Robbie sat down and showed them the photocopies. It was actually three different pictures, not just the whales. The tree one was there too, as well as the elephant he’d started for Jade, which had become a huge thing he was working on. The elephant had a parachute and a mechanical eye. “I have to pick which one’s the best. The book gets entered into some contest every year; if we win, the ten contributing students get like a scholarship or a two thousand dollar check or something.” He gave Cat and Jade a Look. “There are still two slots open, you guys should submit your stories.”

“Robbie, don’t make me do extra work!” Cat said. Jade didn’t bother to answer. She slid Robbie a cookie. She’d told him she liked to write before, but it’s not like she was actually any good at it. She was certainly no VC Andrews.

Robbie gave Jade another Look, but he seemed to be able to tell not to bug her. “Do you need a ride to work? You’re staying with Cat after school, right? I can wait for you.”

Cat gave Jade a look that said: _soccer mom._ Jade ignored it. Robbie was a little obsessive and overbearing, but he was mostly nice. There were worse things than a guy making sure you had rides or food all the time. “Okay, if you want. I’m going to be screaming, like a lot, though.”

“Screaming Jade is my third favorite Jade,” Robbie told her. He ate the cookie.

  


Robbie sat on the bleachers in the auditorium after school while Cat organized the dance meeting. She had a pink clipboard and kept grabbing Jade’s shoulder, running around. Jade hollered a lot and terrorized the underclassmen; it was a great time had by all. By the time they finished at four-thirty, two girls were crying, and Cat was happy with all the decorations done. The igloo was half-built, SinJin was in the nurse’s office, and they had a finished menu of snacks. “Thanks a lot, Jade,” Cat said as Jade and Robbie walked to his car.

“I love screaming at people,” Jade said as she got into the car.

“I love you screaming at people,” Robbie said. “It’s so hot. When you yelled, _Who the fuck is supplying the goddamn entrees,_ I had to go to the bathroom and splash cold water on my face.”

Jade laughed. “You did not. Dude, you need to stop fucking flirting with me.”

Robbie turned a little pink and smiled. “I can’t help it, I love commanding women.”

He was still flirting with her. “I’m really not that commanding, I just act like it.”

“A vulnerable side is also very appealing.”

Jade rolled her eyes at him. He was impossible. Robbie turned the radio up and drove them to work. He took the boulevard like she wanted to. _Welcome to the Black Parade_ came on, and they both sang along dramatically. Robbie got to the Marburn before the song ended, and he kept his car on so they could finish the song. Jade wasn’t crazy about My Chemical Romance, but you _had_ to sing when _Welcome to the Black Parade_ was on.

Emily was sitting outside on her break, drinking a juice box. She was rolling her eyes at them. “You guys are so stupid together.”

“Robbie brings out the worst in me,” Jade said. Robbie preened like a dork. He went over to Emily, digging in his huge bookbag. He handed her a little wrapped present. “Happy almost-Christmas. This is the last time I’ll be at work until the 26th.”

Emily smiled up at him. “Thanks, Robbie.”

Jade tried hard not to feel weird. She hadn’t thought that Robbie and Emily, who was a junior at Northridge, knew each other well enough for him to get a Christmas present for her. Robbie turned back to Jade. “I have your presents in my trunk,” he said. “I can give them to you tonight if you want. I, uh, dunno if I’ll see you until after Christmas.”

Jade wasn’t sure either. She’d told Cat again at lunch today that she wasn’t going to the Christmas Festivus, which was on Christmas Eve, and Robbie’d looked weirdly disappointed. She didn’t think he liked school dances either, not like it’d make sense for them to go together. Or whatever.

“Is this presents, plural? I like presents with a plural.”

Robbie grinned at her. “Yeah, it’s more than one.”

Jade felt better about Emily getting a present, then. They all went into the back and Jade and Robbie clocked in while Emily told them about the stupid shit that had happened so far on her shift. Craig had hired a new night manager and Maria was pissed because she’d been waiting for four years to be night manager. She had yelled forever in Spanish.

“How can she be night manager?” Jade said as she put on her amazing green apron. “She is always at the hospital with her son now, she can’t do management right now.”

“I think he actually went home yesterday,” Emily said. “The whole thing is so insane, I can’t believe her kid almost died from the swine flu.”

Maria’s son had been in a medically-induced coma for almost two weeks. She was getting piles and piles of medical bills. “We should start a, like, GoFundMe for her family,” Jade said. She thought about it. “Also send her a Christmas card.”

Robbie smiled at her for some reason. “Can you do that?” Jade asked him. He was better with website stuff than her. “We’ll tell you what to write. The GoFundMe, not the Christmas card.”

“That’s actually a really good idea,” said Emily.

“Yeah, I can do that,” said Robbie. Craig loomed in the doorway to glare at them and they all rushed out onto the floor before he could start guilting them about mooching company time.

Work went by quickly; it was busy since it was close to Christmas and everyone felt like eating out. Jade was in a good mood and so she was able to be nice to most of the customers. She made almost $200 in four hours, which was an insane amount for the shitty food the Marburn served. She’d had a lot of tables, though, way more than usual; she felt really tired when she and Robbie walked out at night.

They decided to get food and then Robbie would drop her off at home. Jade felt glad that he hadn’t asked her to come over. She loved being at Robbie’s house, but she was tired and hungry and wanted to eat two McDonald’s burgers obscenely fast and then lay on her bed like a coma patient. Sometimes you had to be gross in your own house.

Robbie was in a good mood, too. Blues Traveler came on the radio as they reached McDonald’s and he turned it up loudly, laughing at Jade’s face. “Feels like we’re back at work.” He sang along loudly, then stopped and turned the music down to give their orders at the drive-through screen. Jade kept laughing at him. Robbie being a huge Blues Traveler fan was hilarious to her and Emily.

“Please stop singing, you are so terrible,” Jade told him.

Robbie turned the music way up again. “Please keep commanding me, I am so turned on!” he said. He turned his steering wheel to pull up to the food window and turned the music up even more. “HEY BABY LET’S KEEP IN TOUCH,” he bellowed.

The food attendant at the window looked appalled and almost dropped their sodas onto the ground. Robbie turned bright pink and quickly turned the radio down. “I am so sorry, oh my god,” he said. “I’m sorry, it – it’s Blues Traveler, ma’am.”

The food attendant gave him a dark look and handed him their bags. Jade thought she was actually going to choke to death laughing.

“IT’S BLUES TRAVELER, MA’AM!” she said as they pulled away and cracked up again.

Robbie was still bright red and glaring at her. He tossed her bag onto her lap. “Augh! You’re the worst!” he said. He rapidly shoved two chicken nuggets into his mouth to calm down. “Why do you make me do these things?”

Jade was still laughing at him. “I don’t make you do anything.”

Robbie finished chewing his chicken nuggets. He smiled at her a little bit. “I like to make you laugh too much, I do stupid things and look like an asshole.”

“You already look like an asshole,” Jade told him kindly. Robbie laughed.

They reached her house too soon, even though she did want to go inside and lay around and be fat and eat. She was having a good time with Robbie. It was stupid, they weren’t even doing anything.

“Do you want your Christmas presents?” he asked her.

“Sure,” Jade said. “We can totally hang out before Christmas, too.” She guessed it was okay to say, “I got you something too.”

Robbie beamed at her. He got out of the car and ran around to his trunk. Jade followed him. Robbie opened up the trunk and a huge pink stuffed animal arm bonked him in the face. “Augh!” he said.

Jade laughed at him. “ _What_ is that?”

Robbie hefted it out of the car. “Your favorite school spirit bear.” It was a giant Cheer Bear. She was at least four feet tall and very fat.

“Holy shit!” Jade said. “She is _massive_. I can’t believe you remembered this.” She held Cheer Bear as Robbie rummaged around in his truck. He turned around with a big wrapped package.

“The other thing. Oh. Uhh.” They did an awkward not-quite dance where Robbie tried to give her the present, Jade tried to shift the giant Care Bear around in her arms, before they switched. Robbie looked amazingly silly holding a four foot Care Bear.

The present was super heavy. Jade tore the wrapping paper off. “Oh my god, are you kidding?” It was the whole Casteel series by VC Andrews, in hard-cover. They weren’t new but they were in really good condition.

Robbie had a pinched look on his face. “Do you, do you like it? I know it’s just books.”

“ _Yes,_ ” Jade told him, because he was an idiot. Just books?! “Holy shit, thanks! I’m like dying waiting to know what happened to Heaven. They don’t make VC Andrews ebooks.”

“I told my mother that you were wanting to read the other books and she immediately got excited and drove me to a used bookstore in Fresno,” Robbie told her. “They have like every book ever, if you want to go. Also my mom stole these and read them all in a week. I yelled at her not to crease the pages. She said she needs you to read the second one pronto and talk to her about it. She really said the word pronto. She was very insistent.”

Jade was smiling. “I can do that, yeah.” She looked up. “Thank you, Robbie,” she said.

“Ah, no problem.”

“I still have to wrap your stuff. I’ll give it to you later.” The Green Day poster she’d got him and the VHS of _The Last Shark_ seemed stupid to her now.

Jade put the books under one arm and took the Care Bear back from him. Robbie handed her her burgers, too. “I’ll see you at, um, maybe I’ll call you over break,” Robbie said. “If that’s okay.”

“Sure,” Jade said. “Thanks again. Have a good night. See you at school tomorrow.”

“Bye Jade.”

Jade felt stupid and happy carrying her massive Care Bear into the house. Her mom was home, on the couch in a blanket as usual. Jade could tell right away she wasn’t drunk, which was good. They’d had a huge argument about the power bill last weekend and her mom had thrown away most of her alcohol.

Mom sat up and said, “Holy shit, what the fuck is that?”

Jade laughed, going by her. Her books were about to fall out from under her arm. “It’s a Care Bear, what do you think.”

Mom gave her a knowing look. “From a boy,” she said.

“Ah, maaaaybe.”

“Not Beck.”

“Nope!”

“Hmmm,” said Mom. Jade went into her room and put Cheer Bear down on her bed and her books on her desk. She opened her McDonald’s bag. The fries were still kind of warm. She walked out of her room again.

“Do you want some fries?”

Her mom just looked at her for a second. She looked surprised. They hadn’t seen each other since Jade had screamed her head off over the weekend and then stormed to work. Then her mom smiled. “Sure, Jade. Will you come and sit with me?”

Jade sat on the couch with her mom. They watched South Park together. Jade thought about it, then texted Robbie. He sent her three messages back right away.

 


	12. Chapter Twelve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> >   
>  She already knew where she was going to go. Jade hunched her shoulders and started down the sidewalk towards Robbie’s house.

**Chapter Twelve**

 

Christmas break sucked as usual. It had been sucking pretty badly since Jade’s brother had died, but she felt like it was especially craptastic this year.

Jade hated school and getting up early for school, but at least at Hollywood Arts she could see Cat and Robbie, and before she’d had Beck. She had no one to talk to at home. Jade’s mom had been going out to parties all week and slept during the day; she’d yelled at Jade four times to be quieter.

It was pretty lonely. Cat had called her twice and that was okay. Cat’d freaked out some more about the dance and teased Jade about Robbie. He’d given her a lot of movies to watch over break and she was already running low, four days in on Christmas Eve. Robbie was an enthusiastic texter but Jade had only sent him a few messages since school had been out.

She was being weird and moody about him; she knew she was doing it. She was worried that he liked her too much or something. She didn’t want to lead him on, she didn’t know how she felt about him. She’d been feeling weird about him for a while. She kept thinking about Cat telling her that Robbie’d said she was the best best. Sometimes she felt like the best best, but mostly she didn’t. She was a problem child with a temper and she couldn’t drive. It would be super bad of her to lead Robbie on.

It was raining on Christmas Eve, making Jade feel even more down. She was in a real bad mood. Mom’s boyfriend #3 – Danny, his name was Danny, and he was the worst, always making comments to Jade about how hot she was when her mom wasn’t around to hear – had been over since last night. He’d brought booze and pot and now Mom was drunk and high and pissing Jade off. Every time Jade’s mom decided to stop drinking, one of her gross boyfriends came around and fucked it up.

Jade laid around in her room for most of the day, avoiding Danny and her mom. She sneaked down the hallway and took a shower. She ate a candy bar in her room. She’d already finished _Dark Angel,_ the second book in the VC Andrews series. She was so bored. She couldn’t believe she missed school.

By seven o'clock she was really hungry. Reluctantly she got up and made her way to the kitchen. She regretted it right away. Danny was in there, leaning on the counter for no reason. Their kitchen and living room opened up into one big area; Mom was on the couch watching TV.

Jade scowled and went by Danny towards the fridge. “Hey there sweetheart,” Danny said. He raised his voice. “Your recluse daughter finally emerged from her room.”

“Hey baby,” Mom said. She was encrusted on the couch like usual in her stupid blanket. She was so drunk and high. Jade hated her right now.

Jade took her lunch meat out of the fridge and stalked over to the counter, the part furthest away from Danny. She took out the bread and started making her sandwich.

Danny was drinking a beer. “You’re not gonna talk to me?”

Jade didn’t look up from her sandwich. “Why would I?”

Danny chuckled. “You don’t gotta be like that.” He shuffled closer to the fridge once Jade moved back towards it, making it hard for her to open the door.

“Ugh. Could you not?” Jade scowled and hit his arm. Danny laughed and moved back a pace. Then he reached out and grabbed her ass as she walked by again.

“DUDE, WHAT THE FUCK!” Jade exploded and shoved him into the counter. He roared with laughter. “Mom, what the fuck, your fucking boyfriend is grabbing my ass over here!”

“ _What?_ ” Mom was getting up off the couch in slow motion, like she was underwater. ”Danny, what the fuck?”

“She’s lying, Sara. You know she don’t like me.”

“Fuck you!” Jade said.

Mom came and stood against their shitty counter island. She looked uncertain. She never liked to disagree with whoever she was dating. She sure loved to disagree with Jade. She sure loved to disagree with Jade’s dad. “Jade, don’t talk like that! You don’t need to get upset … “

“Fuck you!” Jade said again. Her mom never took her side in anything. She was getting really angry and her face felt hot. It was starting to feel like she couldn’t breathe. “He did it right the fuck in front of you, you’re too doped out to notice!”

“Jade!” Mom said. “Don’t talk to _me_ like that!” She gestured with the bottle. Since she was fucked up and drunk, it slipped out of her hand, sailing across the room. It shattered on the floor at Jade’s feet.

Sharp glass stabbed at her leg. “Oh my god, you  _drunk bitch!_ ” Jade exploded. She jumped back from the glass, storming towards the front door. She’d been smart to wear her flip-flops. “I can’t deal with you assholes!”

“Jade!”

Danny was storming across the room towards her, kicking glass out of the way with his heavy work boots. Jade felt a real flare of panic. “Don’t talk to your mother like that, you little bitch – “

“Leave her alone, Danny!” Mom yelled.

“Fuck you guys!” Jade yelled too. She wrenched the front door open, ran out in the rain. She’d left the door open and she could hear Mom and Danny screaming at each other.

Jade stomped down the street with as much dignity as she could in her flip-flops and her short shorts. She was wearing her brother’s A Perfect Circle T-shirt. She didn’t have her purse or any money, but by some miracle she had her Metro pass in her back pocket. She stomped to the bus stop, head spinning. She felt like she couldn’t breathe; the heavy rain wasn’t helping. The bus was already at the curb but the driver waited for her, giving her a tight smile and a nod as she climbed on.

Jade sat at the back of the bus, shaking with rage and trying to breathe. She watched the stops fly by. She wasn’t sure where she was going; she wasn’t even sure if she was on the 95 bus or the 68. After a while she calmed down and recognized the routes. She got up and got off at a stop that she knew.

She stood out in the rain like an asshole, chewing on her bottom lip. She could walk three blocks to the not-work diner and hang out there; she knew they were open. She could walk five blocks to Robbie’s house. It was after eight now and she wasn’t sure if he was home. Cat might have convinced him to go to the Christmas dance. He’d probably go for Cat; they were best friends.

He might be home, though. She didn’t even have any money for the diner, and she hadn’t brought her phone.

She already knew where she was going to go. Jade hunched her shoulders and started down the sidewalk towards Robbie’s house.

She started second-guessing herself right away. She wasn’t thinking straight. It was Christmas Eve. Robbie might be at the dance, or he might be out with his family. She was being stupid. She knocked on his door anyway. She was soaking wet and freezing. She wanted to see him.

Robbie’s house was all dark and it stayed dark for a few minutes after she’d knocked. She felt really stupid standing there. She was about to turn and head back down the million porch steps when the kitchen light suddenly turned on. Jade knocked again. She could hear Robbie’s voice through the door; he was yelling at someone. “No, no I don’t!” he yelled. “I don’t understand you! How could you _do_ that?”

Jade felt very weird. She’d never heard Robbie yelling at anyone. Then the door opened and Robbie stood there staring at her. He was wearing his red hoodie that said LIFEGUARD on the back that she and Cat laughed at him for and plaid pajama bottoms. He was holding his PearPhone up to his ear. He looked very surprised to see her.

“Hey,” he said, staring at her. “What are you doing here?” Then he screwed up his face and snapped into the phone, “No I’m not talking to you! Why would I say hey!” Then he said to Jade, “Sorry.”

“Uh, it’s okay,” Jade said, very awkward. She felt like a drowned rat standing out on the porch. “I got into a fight with my mom and her boyfriend.” She didn’t say, I didn’t have anywhere else to go.

“Oh!” said Robbie. “God, I’m sorry. Sorry! Come in.” He stepped aside so she could walk past him into the kitchen. He made an annoyed sound. Jade leaned against the counter and watched him on his phone. “Oh my god, it’s my friend Jade from school.” He made another annoyed sound. “Nope, she’s not my girlfriend!” he yelled. “Surprise, I still don’t have one! I’m still a loser just like you said!”

Jade made a face and raised her eyebrows very high at him. Robbie turned red and scowled. Then he frowned at her, like he was really seeing her. “Oh my god, you are soaking wet,” he said. “Augh! You’re going to get sick. I probably have some clothes you can wear.” He dashed past her into the laundry room. She could hear him grousing and snapping to whoever was on the phone.

Jade stood and dripped onto the kitchen linoleum. She looked down at her leg; she had a long thin cut on her calf from Mom’s stupid glass bottle.

Robbie came back out holding a bundle of clothes. His face was all red. “I’m sorry, I am on the phone with my horrible, adulterous father,” he said. “It’s a very important call.” He screwed up his face again. “Oh, what do you care!” he said into the phone. He said to Jade, “You can get changed in the laundry room if you want. Or the bathroom. Or my room.”

He screwed up his face again. “OH MY GOD. SHUT UP DAD!” he yelled. He stormed out of the kitchen.

Jade was torn between feeling slightly amused and mostly bad for him. She settled on the bad part. She went into Robbie’s tiny laundry room and got changed. He’d given her a Martin the Martian shirt and his Dawn of the Dead hoodie to wear. She zipped the hoodie up and wandered back through the kitchen. She sat down on the couch and waited. She could hear Robbie upstairs, stomping around in the hallway and snapping at his dad.

“OH MY GOD!” yelled Robbie again from upstairs. “I DON’T CARE, I DON’T CARE ABOUT THAT! ALICE WAS _WAITING_ FOR YOU! SHE’S ELEVEN!”

Jade raised her eyebrows very high again.

Robbie yelled some more. “NO, I DON’T WANT TO GO TO YOUR STUPID, STUPID HOUSE! AUGH! I’M NOT GOING! I’M NOT GOING TO DO THAT TO MOM! GO – GO KISS YOUR SECRETARY IN THE BAY WINDOW!” There was the sound of something falling over – Robbie’d either walked into something or maybe kicked something. His house was crowded; they had a ton of bookshelves and stuff lining the hallways upstairs. Jade sat on the couch, feeling weird.

After a few minutes Robbie came back down the stairs. His face was bright red. “I’m sorry you had to hear that,” he said. His voice sounded weird.

“You were really going,” Jade said. Robbie laughed in a weird way. “Why is your dad’s house so stupid?”

Robbie turned even redder. He sat down next to her on the couch. He wasn’t looking at her. “I,” he said. Then he said, “It was supposed to be _our_ house.”

“What do you mean?”

Robbie made a face. He said, “I, you know, my dad, he cheated on my mom for years. He cheated on my mom since Alice was a baby. She never, she never flipped out about it. Whenever I’d find out and I’d get mad she’d say it was the last time he was gonna do it.”

Jade stared at him. “I’m sorry,” she said.

“I was, anyway, I – look, I know my house is really small, but I like it. My dad, he’s like a business manager, he finally got a raise. My mom worked all the time at the dental office; they were so excited, we were gonna finally move into a big house that wasn’t, like, a duplex. My mom had the one she wanted all picked out. She was so excited. She said it was gonna be, like, our fresh start. And then four years ago my dad moved out and he told her he wanted a divorce. And then he, he fucking bought, bought the house that my mom wanted, and then he, he moved his secretary in there with him.”

“Oh my god, are you fucking serious?” Jade said. “What a fucking asshole.”

“He is a fucking asshole,” Robbie said. “Alice is still a stupid kid, she loves him. He told her, like, that they were going to go to Santa Monica and see those stupid lights they have up, those Christmas trees? She took the bus there all by herself after school today and he, he never showed up. My mom is out there getting her now.”

“God. What a fucking dickhead.”

“He is a fucking dickhead too,” Robbie said. “He, he’s always hated me, he has never liked me. He always hated that I liked art and stuff and didn’t do sports. He always tells me I’m a, I’m such a disappointment, I’m such a loser.”

His voice cracked. Jade looked at him. His face was still red and sort of splotchy and his eyes were red too.

“Your dad made you cry,” she said.

Robbie laughed again in his weird way. It sounded like broken glass. “My dad always makes me cry,” he said. “Because I am such a disappointment and a loser.” He turned slightly on the couch and looked at her. He looked so sad. “Are you going to make fun of me now?”

Jade frowned at him. “Do you think I would?”

“No. Maybe. It might make you feel better, you don’t look like you had a good night either. Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” Jade said. “My mom is drunk and high and stupid. But I’m okay now.”

“Okay,” said Robbie. “Okay. I’m glad you’re okay.”

“I really thought you’d be at the Christmas dance.”

Robbie made a little face, scrunching up his nose. “Why would I go to that? You weren’t going.”

Jade stared at him. His face was back to normal, but his eyes were still red. His Dawn of the Dead hoodie fit her well. She thought about it, thought about him. Thought about him making her laugh at work and giving her rides and not taking the highway because she’d asked him to. She thought about him drawing the elephant for her; thought about him saying Beck’s new girlfriend wasn’t smart like her. She thought about him giving her movies to watch and saying she looked like Robin Tunney and taking her to get her power turned back on and flirting with her about VC Andrews.

She shifted a little closer to him on the couch. Robbie was looking at her. “I’m not going to make fun of you,” she said. She leaned over and kissed him instead.


	13. Chapter Thirteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> > The thing with Robbie, the kissing thing, kept happening. It happened four more times. Jade always started it but Robbie was happy to comply, she hoped at least. She didn’t know why she kept doing it. She liked it which was why she kept doing it. Robbie was a great friend to her and he was funny and stupid and he looked great when he smiled. She didn’t know when he had started to look great and it was easy to kiss him after he said something funny; it kept happening because he was always saying something funny.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm uploading a triple-threat today. I planned to probably upload two at a time, but ch 14 is sad so I didn't wanna leave it like that for however many days before I do the final edit on the next bit. Enjoy!

**Chapter Thirteen**

 

Jade and Robbie kissed for a long time. It didn’t feel like a long time; it felt like forever. They kissed for almost fifteen minutes.

Robbie froze for two seconds when she leaned in and kissed him and then he kissed her back. He was really awkward for a few seconds; after about a minute he started to kiss really good. Jade thanked Fat Amy for kissing him four times in front of the art building and probably showing him what to do. Robbie put his hand on her waist. Jade moved closer to him on the couch, she half-crawled on top of him. Robbie’s mouth felt good against hers and he tasted like a candy cane, fitting for the holiday season. He made a noise when she curled her tongue into his mouth. His hand twisted around in the Dawn of the Dead hoodie she was wearing.

Jade was trying not to freak out at herself. Mostly she was just enjoying kissing Robbie and touching Robbie. It had been a long time since she’d kissed and touched someone she knew and felt comfortable with. The last few months with Beck, the last six months of them being together really, things had been difficult and she hadn’t really even felt like she’d known him anymore.

She really liked kissing Robbie; she wasn’t thinking about Beck. Robbie was a really good kisser and he didn’t try to stick his whole tongue in her mouth. He didn’t seem to know what to do with his hands. He kept putting them on her waist and then taking them away. When he tried to move his hands away again Jade grabbed his forearms and held him there. Robbie smiled into her mouth.

Everything was really good and Jade’s head felt spinny. She was half-sitting on Robbie’s lap and she could feel his erection pressing into her thigh. She could feel it a lot since he was just wearing pajama bottoms. She’d never thought about Robbie getting turned on before, even though he’d joked about her turning him on by screaming about entrees. She didn’t know what all she would have done to him if the kitchen door hadn’t opened and then his sister and mom were coming into the house, yelling out greetings.

Jade and Robbie jumped apart on the couch. Robbie turned bright red again and Jade cleared her throat twice. She fixed her hair. Robbie’s mom and sister came into the living room. Robbie’s mom didn’t look that surprised to see Jade sitting on her couch on at past ten on Christmas Eve, wearing Robbie’s t-shirt and his hoodie. “Hi guys!” she said. She was shaking out her umbrella onto the rug. “Jade, it’s nice to see you.”

“Hi Jade!” said Alice. She looked pretty happy for a little kid whose dad had abandoned her in Santa Monica. She was holding a lot of shopping bags, which probably had something to do with it.

“Hey, Alice,” Jade said. She tried hard not to sound shaky and like she’d just been making out with Robbie. She said, “Hi Mrs. Shapiro.” God, was she still Mrs. Shapiro? Jade felt stupid.

Robbie’s mom just smiled at her. “Did you guys go to that Christmas dance? Cat called here four times earlier you know, Robbie.”

Robbie was still red. “Do we look like we went to the dance, Mom?”

“I don’t know what you kids are wearing nowadays,” his mom said lightly. She was smiling but she looked tired; she had huge bags under her eyes that hadn’t been there the other three times Jade had seen her. “I’m sorry to be a bore, kids, but I am really tired. I’m going to go to bed. Have fun, guys. Merry Christmas, Jade.”

Alice held all of her shopping bags and looked critically at Robbie. “Are you still mad about Dad, Robbie? Mom got me lots of stuff. I finally bought you a Christmas present!”

Robbie rolled his eyes. “I’m always mad about Dad, Alice. You should be mad at him too.”

Alice looked at him like he was dumb. “But Mom bought me stuff, Robbie.” She flounced upstairs too.

It was awkward now, now that Robbie’s mom and sister were home, and he and Jade weren’t passionately kissing anymore. It really had been pretty passionate; she felt surprised at Robbie. “Um,” she said. “Thanks for letting me crash here. But I should probably go home.”

Robbie sat up. “You can’t go back to your house,” he said. He instantly looked like a grandpa again. He looked even more like a grandpa than, like, Mr. Hernandez, who was actually someone’s grandpa maybe.

Jade rolled her eyes at him. “Yeah, I know that.” She didn’t actually know that. She looked down at their hands, close to each other on the couch, and thought about it. “I guess I could call my dad. He always wants me to go there for Christmas. He is a huge dickhead, but not as bad as yours.”

Robbie smiled at her. “Okay.” He gave her his phone and went and made himself busy getting her shirt out of the dryer as she called her dad.

Dad sounded surprised to hear from her and not that disappointed. He said of course she could come over for Christmas, he said yes she could come tonight. He asked her if she wanted him to come and get her but Jade said she would meet him in the city. She didn’t want him to know that she wasn’t at home.

Jade hung up with her dad and Robbie came back into the living room with her shirt. “You can keep my hoodie if you want,” he said. “Do you want me to drive you to meet your dad?”

“Were you eavesdropping on me, Shapiro?”

“No,” Robbie said and smiled. “Okay, I totally was.”

“If Cat was here she would say that’s you micromanaging me.”

Robbie turned a little red again. “I’m sorry.”

“I don’t care. It’s okay. Yes, you can drive me to meet my dad.”

“Okay.”

Robbie drove her to the Starbucks where she’d met her dad a couple weeks ago. It was right in the middle of LA and on a street that was weirdly not that busy, not that far from her dad’s house in the suburbs. Robbie parked and then he and Jade sat in the car for a minute, awkward.

Jade sighed. She guessed she had to say stuff to him now. “Sorry about earlier, you know, attacking your face and all.”

Robbie turned pink and smiled at her. “That’s okay. I wasn’t, I wasn’t, I didn’t mind.”

“Umm,” Jade said. She felt bad; she didn’t want to disappoint him. “Look, you’re -“ she thought about it; she guessed she could tell him the truth. “You’re great and all, but that’s probably not going to happen again. I mean, I don’t know. I don’t know what I want.”

“Okay,” said Robbie immediately. “That’s, that’s okay. Whatever you what to do. I’ll, I’ll take what I can get.” Jade almost smiled at him. “I just, um, can I say. Uh, that I really like you. I really like you even if we don’t, um, if you don’t attack my face again.”

“Thanks,” Jade said. She felt really touched and surprised. That was really sweet. “Um, I guess I like you too. I mean you’re all right.”

“Please don’t make me blush.”

Jade laughed. She leaned over and kissed him on the cheek. She guessed it was okay to do that. “Thanks Robbie. I’ll call you later. I have to tell you about the next VC Andrews book.” She got out of the car and ran out through the rain to meet her dad.

 

Christmas at her dad’s house was okay but awkward. Dad’s ex-wife, his first wife, came over on Christmas day. She had a present for Jade; Dad must have called her at like one AM and told her Jade was coming. She and Jade’s dad had had a really amicable divorce and they only lived a few blocks away from each other. Jade’s mom had always hated her; even now she talked about how Dad was going to get back with his ex-wife one day. When Jade had been growing up Wyatt had always been over at Dad’s house, laughing and watching her.

Wyatt was a lot older than her and he’d been 23 when he died. Jade had thought he was the best. He had thought Jade was the best. She had been a cute kid and was a chick magnet for Wyatt.

It was so hard to be at Dad’s house and to think about Wyatt. Jade went into his old bedroom and sat for a long time. Most of his stuff was gone. Dad came in and sat with her for a few minutes. They never talked about Wyatt; Jade knew that Dad blamed her. Even so, Dad said, “Cora gave me a lot of old tapes and DVDs. Do you want the ones your brother took of your cheerleading competitions?”

Cora was Wyatt’s mom. Jade did want the tapes.

The rest of school break went by quickly. Jade was still glad to go back to school.

The thing with Robbie, the kissing thing, kept happening. It happened four more times. Jade always started it but Robbie was happy to comply, she hoped at least. She didn’t know why she kept doing it. She liked it which was why she kept doing it. Robbie was a great friend to her and he was funny and stupid and he looked great when he smiled. She didn’t know when he had started to look great and it was easy to kiss him after he said something funny; it kept happening because he was always saying something funny.

It happened on New Year's Day when they were sitting together on his couch and watching  _ The Last Shark, _ which Robbie had been ecstatic about. He kept smiling at her and it made her want to kiss him. They made out in Robbie’s car after work and once Jade pulled him into the stockroom at work and they made out there, too. Stella walked right past them, carrying a huge can of pea soup, and didn’t even notice them. Jade had been laughing so much and Robbie had to cover her mouth with his hands.

School started again and they made out in Robbie’s car in the back of the parking lot on the third day back. Jade was unzipping his jeans but Robbie turned red and said, “We better, we better go in. We’ll be late and Sikowitz will make us do something really stupid again.”

Jade had been about to give him a blowjob but she really didn’t want Sikowitz to make them do something stupid again. She tried not to feel weird about Robbie not wanting to get a blowjob. “Okay, yeah, let’s go.” They made it in right before the bell rang, but Sikowitz made them do something stupid anyway.

After school Jade felt silly and goofy. Rider Daniels was absent today, he hadn’t been in study hall to stare at and bug her. No one had bugged her today and that was crazy because someone always bugged her.

She felt good. She was in the art room with Robbie, looking at everyone’s paintings and flirting with him. He kept blushing and laughing at her. Jade loved it; he was so cute. She didn’t know when she’d started thinking he was so cute. She hadn’t flirted with anyone in a while and it was so much fun. She’d never been able to make Beck blush and laugh that much, he was so cool.

Robbie was sitting at his art desk in the back of the room. He was finishing her elephant drawing. Jade leaned over him, too close. She put her chin on his shoulder for a second; Robbie laughed. “So what are you gonna do? What did you pick for The Redwood?” The Redwood was their school’s literary magazine. She and Robbie both though it was a stupid title.

“I don’t know yet. I’ll probably let you and Cat pick.”

Jade stopped leaning on him. “Shit, I actually have to meet her.” It was only January 5 th , but Cat was already freaking out about her next school activity, the dreaded Valentine’s Day dance.

Robbie smiled at her. She knew he liked her and Cat being better friends. “Okay.”

“See you later, stud,” Jade said in a stupid voice. Robbie laughed and blushed at her. God, he was so fun. It was so great. Jade tugged on his belt and then left the art room.

She ran into Beck down the hall at the main entrance, in front of the Black Box Theater. “Hey Jade,” he said. He was wearing his green Peter Pan shirt already. He was holding the little green hat.

Jade felt less good immediately. “Hey,” she said.

Beck walked over to her. “Can I talk to you?”

“I guess so.”

Beck just stood looking at her for a minute. She couldn’t read his expression; she never could. “I, uh, saw you and Robbie just now. In the art room.”

Jade felt even less good. Beck was a filthy little spy, and the worst Peter Pan. “Okay, so?”

Beck raised his eyes at her. “Robbie’s my friend, Jade. Don’t, you know, don’t mess with him, okay?”

“Excuse me?” Beck still had the great ability to make her furious in two seconds.

“I saw you in there, flirting with him and leaning all over him. Just don’t lead him on, okay?”

Jade felt really mad. She wondered if Beck would think it was leading him on if she’d told him how much she’d wanted to give Robbie a blowjob this morning. He’d love hearing that. “I’m not leading him on!”

Beck looked exasperatingly patient. “Okay,” he said. “Look, Jade, Robbie’s had a really tough time the last couple years. Don’t hurt him, okay? Don’t let him, like, think he has a chance with you.”

His words made her want to scream and cry really suddenly. She wanted to say,  _ I’ve had a tough time, too.  _ Didn’t he know her? She said instead, “Maybe he does have a chance with me.” She added, “You big - you big jerk!”

She stormed out of the hallway into the theater and went to find Cat. She felt stupid for calling Beck a big jerk. She was definitely spending too much time with Robbie; her insults were getting weak and dorky. She would have to kiss him some more to keep him from talking. 

 


	14. Chapter Fourteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> > Robbie stared at her. They were idling in the McDonald’s parking lot under the huge yellow arch. “I never knew you had a brother,” he said.
>> 
>> “I don’t,” Jade told him. “He died when I was eleven. It was a car accident.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning for dead brothers and self harm. RIP CHESTER.

**Chapter Fourteen**

 

Jade had to work a long shift at work on Thursday night; Craig had called her and she took the bus there right after school. Maria was still mad at him for not making her night shift manager and she’d called out to stay at home with her family. Robbie came in at five-thirty and started helping her and Emily clear dishes.

“Hey,” Robbie said to her as he went past her, carrying a huge stack of plates. Jade smiled at him; she felt glad to see him. It was stupid because they’d just been at school together. He smiled back at her, a lot.

They stopped and got food after work on the way home. This time it was Jade being silly and singing along loudly to the radio. _Sister_ by The Nixons was on on Pandora.

Robbie was smiling and laughing at her. They were smiling at each other a lot, it seemed. It was so gross. “I have never ever heard this band in my life,” he said. “Why do you know all these old songs?”

It was the second or third time he’d asked her why she liked this kind of music. She didn’t know if it was because he just forgot, or because he really wanted to know.

Jade opened up their bag of fries and looked down into it, thinking. She thought that maybe she could trust Robbie. He was a good friend, probably her best friend, really. They’d made out five times now – she’d gone over to his house later the other day after Beck had lectured her and attacked him in the living room – and she’d felt his dick like three times through his jeans. He’d even touched her boob last night for a couple seconds and she hadn’t killed him. She could trust him. He wouldn’t make fun of her or think she was a terrible person, tell lies about her like Rider had.

“This was my brother’s favorite band,” she said. “One of them. He was a lot older than us, so he liked all that grunge shit. He’d be, um, twenty-nine, no, thirty now.”

Robbie stared at her. They were idling in the McDonald’s parking lot under the huge yellow arch. “I never knew you had a brother,” he said.

“I don’t,” Jade told him. “He died when I was eleven. It was a car accident.”

“Oh my God,” said Robbie. He instantly looked really surprised and upset. “I am so sorry, Jade.”

“Thanks,” said Jade. She took a few minutes to do her breathing. Sometimes her throat got really tight; if she didn’t know better she’d think she had asthma. It was so hard to talk about Wyatt; sometime she couldn’t at all. “Sorry, I get weird sometimes. Um. I can’t talk about him. Sometimes.”

“It’s not weird,” Robbie told her. “You can talk about him to me if you want.”

Jade thought about it. “My brother, he was, um, I was close to him, I guess. He was a lot older than us, he was in college by the time I was like six. So we never really, you know, got on each other’s nerves. He was my half-brother.”

“What was his name?”

“Wyatt. When I was really little I called him Wally. Stupid.”

Robbie smiled. It was a really sweet smile. “Wally West?” he said. “Your brother was Kid Flash!”

Jade laughed. She hadn’t thought she felt like laughing. “God, you would know about those stupid comics. Yeah, he said that too.”

Robbie smiled at her again, but he looked sad, too. She didn’t want him to feel sorry for her. “I’m so sorry, Jade. Do you miss him?”

“Of course I do,” Jade said, almost snapped. “It was, um, it was really hard. When he died. It was a truck. There was. I had.” She didn’t know what to say; she didn’t want to tell him. She couldn’t tell him. She couldn’t really think about it, all that happened. She didn’t want him to know she’d been in the car too. “My dad blames me for it. Wyatt was coming to get me from my cheerleading practice.” It wasn’t a lie.

“I don’t think he blames you, Jade.”

Jade shrugged. “I don’t want to – sorry, I actually don’t want to talk about this right now.”

“Okay,” Robbie said immediately. “Of course. I am so sorry.”

“It's okay.” Jade thought about it. “Um, you know, I. My dad just gave me all these old DVDs that he had. It was back in 2007, it was like a huge deal to have a DVD camera.” Robbie smiled. Jade said, “My brother used to video tape my cheerleading competitions, he is in some of the videos.” She chewed on her lip. “Maybe, maybe you could watch them with me sometime.”

“Sure, I would love to do that,” Robbie said. He sounded like he really meant it. “I’d love to see your brother. I would also love to see Baby Jade in a cheerleading skirt; it would super help out my fantasies of Current Day Jade in a cheerleading skirt.”

Jade laughed at him. “Okay, loser. Come on, my fries are getting cold.”

“Right!” Robbie turned the car back on. He turned the radio up. Things were awkward for a few minutes as he drove. He kept looking at her; Jade kept not talking. Robbie turned the radio up a little more. Linkin Park was on and _Bleed It Out_ was playing. Robbie surprised her, making her laugh. He could sing all the rapping parts in perfect time to the music.

“I can’t believe _you_ know _that_ song,” Jade said. She was still smiling.

Robbie smiled back at her, her laughing at him. “Great song,” he said, whimsical and silly. “Great, great album. The first album I ever self-harmed to. Really popular back in the day. I always thought – ”

Jade stopped laughing. “Wait, what?”

“What?” Robbie turned red. “Nothing. I’m sorry, that was so stupid. I was joking. Sorry.”

“Really?”

“I don’t know why I said that. Sorry. That’s not funny.”

“No, it’s not.” Jade looked at him skeptically. He was blushing so hard and was hunched over the steering wheel, looking at the road. She could tell he was embarrassed and that he was lying. “I can tell you’re lying,” she told him. “You get a certain shade of red. You can tell me if you do that stuff.”

“I’m sorry. I don’t know why I said it. I, you were supposed to laugh.”

“Why do you want me to laugh at you?”

“I don’t know. I don’t. It’s embarrassing. I don’t know why I said it.”

Jade watched him some more. “So what do you do?” she demanded. She was really curious. “Like, some people punch themselves and shit. We watched a documentary about it last year in my Psych class.”

“Great, that’s so great.”

“Do you cut yourself or something?”

“I don’t do anything anymore,” said Robbie. He was still really red and gripping the steering wheel. “I, I don’t want to talk about this.”

“No way, you can’t say shit like that and then not tell me!” Jade cried. She added, guilting him, “I told you about my brother.”

“I know you did,” Robbie said. It was working; he looked horribly guilty. He cleared his throat three times. Jade kept staring; she narrowed her eyes at him. Robbie yelped. “Oh my god, do you really want to know!”

“Unfortunately I sort of care about you for some reason,” Jade told him and then made a face at him. “I’m still trying to find out the reason.”

“Ha ha.”

“I’m serious, Robbie. You can tell me. Come on, I want to know.”

“Fine!” Robbie yelped out. He flushed a new crimson color. “Fine. Okay, fine. I don’t know. Um.” He bit his lip; he stared out at the road. He turned off the boulevard to take the back way to her house. “Okay. I guess I can – okay, do you remember, like, ha ha, when you were telling me about Heaven in the VC Andrews book. And I said, do you really like reading that horrible stuff, and you said yes, it makes me feel better.”

Jade felt surprised that he remembered that. “Um. Yeah?”

“Okay, well, I guess that’s why I, um, I like horror movies so much. They’re so gross, they make me feel better.”

“Okay ...” Jade said. She gave him a Look. Him talking about horror movies didn’t explain to her what kind of self-harm he did, had used to do. Robbie gave her a Look back.

“Okay!” he snapped too. “I’m trying to tell you. God. This is so stupid. Okay, when I was little, like ten, eleven, twelve, that’s when my dad started really hating me. I was not, I was too, he said my mom influenced me too much. He wanted me to do more boy stuff, he hated me liking music and drawing and not, like sports. He used to, he made me sign up for this little league team, he used to get so mad when I didn’t want to go to practice. He used to make me practice with him in our small stupid backyard which was super fun. He would lecture me all the time about how much I sucked. Call me stupid, can you even catch a ball Robbie, are you scared of it. It really made me feel messed up. I’d get so mad and I couldn’t do anything. I felt like I was going to explode.”

“That is so shitty,” Jade said. “Did he hit you or anything?”

“Of course he didn’t hit me, he is too dignified for that. That, that’s why it’s so stupid, I wish he’d have hit me. He did like shove me once, in our garage. I shoved him back and eighty tennis balls fell everywhere. Of course Alice saw that, me, me shoving him, and thinks I am, like, a terrible horrible person, and not our shitty dad!”

Jade frowned hugely. She knew he cared about Alice a lot. “God, of course.”

“I know. I am so terrible.”

“She doesn’t really think that.”

“I know. I know.” They were at a stop light; Robbie took his hands off the wheel and rubbed his face. He put his hands back on the wheel. “Am I done talking?”

“Nope,” Jade told him. “Need more info.”

Robbie sighed and looked at her. Then he looked away, back towards the road. “Okay. Fine. So, like, I used to get so upset all the time. It was partially because of my dad and stuff but mostly me. How I am. I was, I started, this is so stupid, I started cutting myself. Like a little at first, then a lot.”

“Where did you do it? How old were you?”

“Um. I was like. I think I was thirteen. It was mostly in eighth grade. I think it was mostly when my parents were getting divorced. I did it, I mean, it’s so stupid, I feel like sometimes people want you to see their cuts, I didn’t want anyone to see. I did a lot of, wow I had this razor that I really loved. I did it a lot on my legs, like my upper legs, I guess my stomach. It’s really gross.”

Jade stared at him. Him saying _wow I had this razor I really loved_ was probably the weirdest sentence she’d ever heard, especially in reference to what to what they were talking about. It made her feel really sad and a little sick. “I never knew.”

“You can’t see them when I have my clothes on. I mean maybe, maybe some, if I took my shirt off, like if we were at the beach I felt like being risque.” Jade smiled a little bit; she didn’t know if she should smile. “I mostly did it there because I never wanted my mom to see. I mean, she is not going to inspect my thighs or my lower stomach.” He glared at her suddenly, trying again to be funny. “She only gave me that tick bath one time!”

“I know she only gave you that tick bath one time,” Jade soothed him. “How come you stopped?”

Robbie shrugged. They were in front of her house now; she didn’t see herself getting out of the car anytime soon. “Oh, I was, like, embarrassed. And I cut myself really bad once, I knew I had to stop. I was, um, do you remember my summer camp girlfriend?”

Fat Amy. Jade would never forget her. “Yes.”

“Well, well she, um, so I did it a lot during eighth grade, I wrote her, like, a lot of really depressing letters about my parents getting divorced. I really bummed her out. When we met again at camp, right before we started school here, um, she saw the – the, the cuts on, on my stomach, she told me I was really messed up. It’s part of why she broke up with me. She said, she said they were really gross.”

“Oh my god,” Jade said. “What a fucking bitch, Robbie. You can do so much better than Fat Amy.”

Robbie laughed at her. He was still really red, but it wasn’t as bad as it had been. She wasn’t worried he was going to blow a blood vessel in his brain anymore. “Don’t call her that. And she is right, it is really gross. I didn’t realize how much I did it. It is really gross, I look horrible. I did it, I guess I did it for a little freshman year; Cat and I went to the pool once and she freaked out and yelled at me. She told me, ha ha, she told me to stop ruining my swimsuit body.”

“You’ve got great shoulders,” Jade told him.

“Thank you,” Robbie said automatically. “Really? So I felt really bad about making Cat see, I really stopped then. I just, whenever I’d want to do it, I’d like, watch a horror movie where someone got chopped in half or something, I guess that’s really fucked up too.”

“Not really,” Jade said. She didn’t know if it was or not.

Robbie glanced at her. “Are you like really freaked out?”

“No,” Jade said. She wasn’t. She was a little freaked out that Robbie had hurt himself, but she didn’t think it was that gross. Wyatt’s girlfriend Kristen had been a cutter; she had marks all down her arms. Jade had been eight when she saw them. Wyatt had told her to never never mention them. She thought about it. “I’m not freaked out. Can I see?”

“No!” yelped Robbie and turned really red. “I told you, it’s really gross. You don’t want to see it.”

“I totally want to see it. Robbie, I love gross.”

Robbie made a face at her. He hesitated for a moment and then shoved his sweater sleeve up. “I was, when I first did it, I was really stupid, I did it on my arm. Just three times. You can’t really see.” He showed her his arm; on his inner elbow there were three dark lines, a little upraised.

“Robbie!” Jade poked his arm hard. “You idiot, there’s a vein there.”

Robbie rolled his eyes at her. “Yes, I know that now. There’s veins everywhere, Jade.”

Jade wisely chose to ignore his smart tone. “Did they bleed a lot?”

“No. Not those ones. I didn’t do it too deep. I didn’t get my good razor yet.”

“Okay, that’s kind of weird, that is, you talking about your good razor, when I know it is not for shaving your face,” Jade said.

“Sorry! I don’t have it anymore.”

“Okay, good. So you really don’t do it anymore?”

“No, not for like three years. Can we, can we stop talking about this?”

“Sure.” Jade thought about it. She guessed she had enough info. She looked at Robbie; he looked really miserable still. She wondered if she should make out with him; that might make him feel better. It had certainly made him feel better at Christmas, she hoped at least.

She didn’t want him to think that they were making out because she felt weird or bad for him, though. Also, she was still kind of thinking about Wyatt; it would probably be bad to kiss Robbie while she was thinking about her dead brother.

She didn’t know what else to say to him. It was weird, she always had dumb shit she wanted to say to him. They sat there for a few minutes, not really talking. Robbie looked pretty unhappy but she didn’t know what to say to him. They sat there for a while until Mr. Hernandez pointedly turned on one of his porch lights. “Oh my god,” Jade said, annoyed. “We are not even fucking doing anything.” She rolled her window down and raised her voice. “WE’RE NOT EVEN FUCKING DOING ANYTHING!”

Mr. Hernandez pointedly turned on his other porch light  Robbie smiled a little; Jade looked at her phone. It was after eleven. “Okay, shit, I probably should go.”

“Okay.” Robbie looked even more nervous and miserable. “Are we still okay? Do you think I’m weird?”

“You are the weirdest person I know, it is the best,” Jade told him firmly. She leaned over and kissed him on the cheek, then wished she had kissed him on the mouth. “See you at school. Will you pick me up?”

Robbie smiled at her, a little bit. “Yeah. Okay.”

 


	15. Chapter Fifteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> > “Shit. Goddamnit. Fine, let’s go to a stupid goddamn party, ya bitch.”
>> 
>> “You are so nice, you make me feel so loved,” Cat told her.

**Chapter Fifteen**

 

Jade’s mom was passed out on the couch again when she came in from her spill-your-personal-trauma session with Robbie; Jade covered her with a blanket even though she was still pretty mad at her. Mom had told her after Christmas that she and Danny had broken up; now it was less than ten days into January and he’d been back over at the house three times. Jade never knew when he’d be there; she just tried her hardest to never be home now.

School the next day was okay. Robbie had to go to the art room to talk to Mrs. Cortellini, but he waited outside of Jade’s math class for her and walked her to the courtyard for lunch. Beck had been in class with her; he watched them as they walked down the hall. “Hey!” Robbie said to Beck.

“Hey man,” said Beck. He looked surprised to see them together. Jade glowered at him. She put her hand on Robbie’s arm with the little razor cuts and dragged him down the hall before Beck could yell stupid shit at Robbie like she was leading him on.

Cat was already sitting at their usual table. Jade sat down too and Robbie stood with his hands in his hoodie pocket, a little awkward. He was being shy with her today; he was probably still scared that she thought he was weird. He’d only made like three corny jokes this morning as opposed to his usual nine billion. She wished she could ask him what he was thinking. “I’ll, I’ll try to come back before the period’s over,” he said to her.

“Okay. Try hard,” Jade said. She felt really surprised at herself. Two months ago, she would have screamed at him that she barely tolerated sitting with him at lunch, and they’d even been friends then, too.

Robbie smiled at her. “See you.”

Cat was doing a late English write up and didn’t look away from the table top as Robbie walked away. Then she said, “I can’t believe you guys haven’t told me that you’ve made out  _ five times.” _

Jade spit out her soda. “WHAT?” she yelled. “Did he tell you? Do you have secret cameras everywhere?”

“Nope!” Cat said. “I’m just really good at reading body language. I have been studying you two since Christmas break. Are you guys going to go out for real or just keep making out in secret?”

Jade blinked, four times. Cat was so insanely weird; she’d never realized the depths of Cat’s weirdness. “It’s not really a secret. I don’t know, I don’t know if he wants to go out or whatever.”

Cat gave her a flat stare. “Have you ever talked to Robbie about anything ever? Wait, yes you have, and made out five times. Of course he wants to go out!”

“Well, I don’t know if I want to.” It was a big deal, having a boyfriend. It was a big deal when they yelled ‘I’M NOT HAPPY WITH OUR RELATIONSHIP’ and dumped you in front of all your friends. She didn’t know if she wanted to deal with that; she wasn’t even a hundred percent sure about how much she liked Robbie.

Cat frowned. “Oh. Really? You guys are my OTP though.”

“That’s weird,” Jade told her. “You’re weird.” She said, too, “It’s not like I  _ don’t _ want to go out with him. I don’t know. He’s so different than Beck. He is a huge dork, and I am a bitch. Maybe we wouldn’t even be good together.”

“You’re not even a bitch!” Cat said. Then she said sweetly, “I guess you’ve made out five times because you’re trying to get good at it. It must be so hard on you.”

Jade rolled her eyes at her. “It is, it is traumatic each time.” Cat laughed. “I can’t believe you fucking know it was exactly five times.”

“Do you want to keep dating the same type of guys?” Cat asked her. “Do you want to go out with Beck again?”

“Of course not!”

Cat smiled at her. She was thinking her Cat thoughts. “I think,” she said slowly, “that I want you to go to a party with me tonight.”

“No way,” Jade said. It was Friday night and she wanted to be with Robbie. She wasn’t a hundred percent sure about him, but she was at least seventy-six percent sure, even with a bunch of weirdo scars. That was a good margin.

“Yes yes! What else are you doing? You know Robbie’s going to his dad’s with his sister.”

“Oh yeah.” Jade frowned. She’d forgotten that he’d told her that earlier in the week. She thought about all the stuff Robbie had told her about his dad and frowned even more. She didn’t want him around that jerk.

She realized that Robbie being at his dad’s house meant she would be totally alone, or stuck at her mom’s house with Mom and probably maybe gross Danny. The weekend sucked. “Shit. Goddamnit. Fine, let’s go to a stupid goddamn party, ya bitch.”

“You are so nice, you make me feel so loved,” Cat told her.

  
  


Jade didn’t have time to hang out with Robbie after school. He had to be at his dad’s by four-thirty, and Cat was already trying to drag her off to the mall. Jade gave him a hug in the parking lot. “You’ll be fine,” she told him.

“I know, Mom,” he said. “Sorry, I did not mean that, in absolutely no way do I equate you with my mother.”

Jade rolled her eyes at him, trying not to smile. “Bye.”

“See you later. Have fun at the party.”

Cat dragged Jade off to her car. They drove to the mall and Cat spent forever picking out a new shirt. She tried to get Jade to buy one, too. “Don’t you want a new outfit for the party?”

“No, I’m good.” She was wearing Wyatt’s A Perfect Circle shirt again and Robbie’s zombie hoodie. She had on her plaid skirt, she looked like a tough alternative chick. She wanted to say that to Cat but she didn’t want to explain about wearing her dead brother’s t-shirt.

“Fiiiiine,” Cat said. They drove to Cat’s house and Jade spent a lot of time doing Cat’s makeup. It was fun to do someone else’s makeup. She hadn’t done it since before the car accident when she’d still had friends, before she’d become a problem child. She and her friends’d been so young then that it was mostly just putting their mother’s lipstick on each other, though.

The party was at one of Cat’s rich friends from film class; he had six rooms with TVs in them and a weird artsy film playing on each one. There was a bunch of people in each TV room, actually watching the movie like hipster losers. There was also a bunch of people in the den and kitchen, drinking and doing normal-people party stuff.

Jade took a wine cooler and followed Cat around as Cat talked to people. She clicked through her phone. Robbie had texted her a few times already, like a soccer mom.  _ Are you having fun? Don’t let Cat drink too much, last year she casually told me she came home from a party wearing a different bra than she’d worn to go to it in. Is it at that loser film guy’s house? What are you doing? _

Cat looked over her shoulder at her phone. Jade allowed her to read the messages; it wasn’t anything too incriminating. “Crazy obsessive Robbie, sending four obsessive texts just like I thought he would.” She laughed. “Also the bra I came home in was way better than what I started out with; I looked it up and it cost 79 dollars at Macy’s.”

Jade laughed at Cat because Cat was such a weirdo. She also didn’t think four texts was that bad, that obsessive. Maybe she was just really needy. She had always wanted more and more and more from Beck. Sometimes he gave it to her; usually not. She texted Robbie back.  _ Yes it is at the loser film guy’s house. I’ll make sure Cat keeps her personal underwear on this time. I’m not having that much fun.  _ She thought about typing, I’d rather be with you, decided that was way way too corny, especially for her.

Cat handed her another wine cooler. “So have you decided whether or not you want to seriously date Robbie and let him micromanage you?”

“He doesn’t micromanage me.” Jade made a face. “You are not really making a great case for him, dude. I didn’t decide yet.”

“Robbie is great, I’m just teasing,” Cat said. “Mostly. 85% teasing, 25% serious.”

“That’s more than a hundred percent,” Jade told her.

Cat ignored the rules of math (she usually did). “I’m more than a hundred percent.” She made an annoying Cat face. “You know what. Let’s gooooo and! Talk to Beck. I bet he is watching  _ Donnie Darko. _ ”

Jade bet he was, too. Stupid Beck. Also. “Noooo,” she said. “I don’t want to talk to Beck.”

Cat dragged her through the house and into one of the dark living rooms. Jade couldn’t believe how crazy big this place was.  _ Donnie Darko _ was indeed playing – how did Cat know? Maybe she’d gotten a list from artsy film guy. Cat led her right to Beck; a dark shadow in the back of the room. “Hey Beck!” she said.

“Shhh!” said eight film students in front of them. Jade and Cat both made a face.

Beck smiled up at them. “Hey guys,” he said.

“Shhh!” said eight film students in front of them.

“Hey guys,” Beck staged whispered. Cat giggled quietly. She shoved Jade very unexpectedly, sending her flying onto the couch beside Beck.

“What the fuck!”

“Shhh!” said eight film students in front of them.

Jade scowled. “Oh my god,” she whispered. Beck grinned at her.

“Sorry Jade!” Cat whispered. “I’m so drunk! I have no balance!”

Cat was the worst friend, a liar, and a loud redhead. She hadn’t drank a single thing yet.

Cat did a little dance in front of them. “I’ll let you guys talk!” she whispered. “I have to pee so bad, see you later Jade!” She disappeared.

“Umm,” Jade said. “I should probably actually follow her – “

“Shhhh!” said the eight film students.

“ _ Oh my god, _ ” Jade whispered. Beck was laughing silently, shaking his shoulders.

“Have you seen this movie?” he whispered.

“No,” Jade whispered back.

“You would like it. I know you like Jake.”

Jade didn’t answer him. She didn’t just like movies because there was a hot guy in them. There also needed to be a clichéd love interest and a tragic backstory. Like  _ The Care Bears Movie II _ , she thought, briefly cracking herself up.

They watched the movie in silence for a few minutes. Jade didn’t know why she wasn’t getting up. She could feel Beck’s shoulder pressing into hers. After another few minutes of them not talking, Beck leaned over and whispered to her again. “I’m sorry for what I said to you about Robbie,” he whispered. “It’s none of my business.”

“No, it’s not,” Jade whispered back. She sounded a little snotty. Beck smiled. He was always so cool, almost always, even when she was being a bitch.

“If you really like him, I’m glad for you. I just wanted to tell you that. I think you’re both great.”

Jade felt surprised – it made her feel warm inside. She looked over at him and let herself smile. “Thanks,” she said.

“Shhh!” said the eight film students.

Jade and Beck rolled their eyes. They sat and watched the movie. Beck actually didn’t look at her again; he was seriously into it, he was seriously at a weird art kid’s party in high school, watching  _ Donnie Darko.  _ Jade was there too, but not by choice, sort of. She and Robbie would be laughing their asses off if he was here and they’d be making fun of  _ Donnie Darko _ so bad. Robbie would be saying eighty thousand stupid things and getting even stupider to try and make Jade laugh. The eight film students would be apoplectic. 

Jade looked at Beck as he watched Donnie Darko; if he noticed she was staring at him he made no indication of it. He was so cool, and not a spazz like Robbie. Beck would never turn red and yell at the lunch table, “I know, I know, Jade! I forgot about the boob-licking!” like Robbie would. He’d never be on the subway shaking a huge map eighty times while she laughed at him or accidentally bellow some Blues Traveler lyrics in front of a food service worker. He wouldn’t ever have the family channel on TV in the first place so that she could marvel over  _ The Care Bears Movie II _ . He was great in a lot of other ways, but he wasn’t as fun to her, not anymore.

Jade suddenly saw what Cat was trying to do. Stupid Cat.

She pulled her phone out of her purse and looked at her messages. Robbie had sent her a couple more texts. His dad had taken him and Alice mini golfing and Robbie was disappointing him as usual by being terrible at it.  _ What are you doing now? _ he asked.

Jade tapped at her phone.  _ Don’t let him bother you,  _ she said.  _ Cat stuffed me into a room with Beck and we’re watching Donnie Darko with eight film students. _

The little cursor thing popped up right away. It said Robbie was typing for forever. Finally he sent the message.  _ Oh okay. _ It said he was typing for forever again.  _ Okay, I hope you’re having fun. _

Jade tapped at her phone to respond.

“Oh my god, can you put your phone away?” hissed one of the eight film students. Beck nudged her arm a little. Jade scowled at him and put her phone away.

She sat and watched  _ Donnie Darko _ some more. She had no idea what was going on; it felt so long. It would never end. Beck would say something annoying like ‘Does any film ever end?’ Finally she stood up. “I’m going to find Cat,” she said to Beck.

Beck nodded. He finally managed to pull his gaze away from the amazing movie and smiled at her. “It was nice seeing you, Jade.”

“Yep.” Jade darted out of the room before the eight film students could hiss at her.

She wandered around for a while looking for Cat. She talked to a couple people from class, trying to be social. If Cat didn’t think she was a bitch, maybe not everyone else in the school did either. Finally she found Cat in the kitchen.

“Have fun with Beck?” Cat asked.

“You’re the worst,” Jade told her.

Cat beamed away. “So? Any sparks?”

“Nope.”

“Whatcha gonna do?”

Jade shrugged. “Go ask Robbie out.”

“YAY!” Cat hollered and threw her arms out in the air. She hit a girl standing behind her in the face. “Oops! Sorry!” Then she frowned. “But actually I wanted you to sleep over my house. But I can drop you off at home if you want so you can call, call or text, Robbie in private. If you want.”

“I don’t have to ask him out  _ tonight, _ ” Jade said, rolling her eyes. She was kind of dreading it; she was still only eighty-four percent sure of him. She needed to be a hundred percent, she could not get dumped again. A little part of her, the part that cared about what people thought and would say, was screaming hysterically at the thought of even considering asking out Robbie Shapiro. “You really want me to sleep at your house?”

“If you want to. I’ve never had a sleep over before or slept over someone’s house.”

“Are you serious?” Jade stared at her. “You have like a million friends.”

Cat laughed at her, but not in a mean way. “You think I’m way more popular than I am, Jade. I don’t know why. You and Robbie and Andre are probably my closest friends.”

“Oh.” Weird.

“So? Do you want to come over!”

“Sure.”

“YAY!” said Cat. “Let’s go now! I do have to pee and I can’t do it in public. Or at other people’s houses.”

Jade laughed at her. “Maybe why you’ve never been to a sleepover.”

“Maybe.” Cat looked thoughtful. Then she grabbed Jade’s arm and they ran out of the house.

Cat drove like a crazy person on the way to her house; it made Jade really nervous. They stopped at Taco Bell and got the huge taco box. The rest of the way to Cat’s house was back streets so Jade felt a little better. They sang along to some Ginger Fox songs on the radio.

Jade had been to Cat’s house a few times to do projects for Improv; she always forgot how huge it was. Cat gave her pajamas and went into one of the many spare bedrooms to get extra pillows. Jade looked at her phone. “I forgot to text Robbie back,” she said.

Cat looked at the, sigh, pink cat clock in her bedroom. “It’s after midnight. When he is not hanging out with you and trying to impress you, he goes to bed at like 9pm like a grandpa.”

Jade laughed. “He is like a grandpa.”

“Text him tomorrow. Do you want to watch a movie?”

“Sure,” Jade said warily.

Cat smiled at her. “Have you ever seen  _ All Dogs Go To Heaven? _ ”

  
  
  
  
  



	16. Chapter Sixteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> > Robbie made a frustrated face at her because she was not following his train of thought: apparently she should be following his crazy train of crazy thought, since he was a crazy person.

**Chapter Sixteen**

 

The girls slept in the next day and didn’t get up until past ten. Cat’s bed was comfy. After they woke up they went downstairs and ate cereal. Cat’s dad was outside, being loud and working on his motorcycle. He looked older than Jade expected. Cat ran outside to give him some cereal.

Cat was still in a great mood from last night; she’d been so happy that Jade knew all the songs from _All Dogs Go To Heaven_ too. They’d sang You Can’t Keep a Good Dog Down together, they were a good duet team.

Cat drove her home and Jade tried not to panic when Cat got onto the highway. She hated to be on the highway; she’d rather do anything but be on the highway. When they got to her house Jade glared at Danny’s Chevy that was parked in the driveway.

“I’m gonna climb into my bedroom window because my mom’s boyfriend is here and I hate him,” Jade told Cat.

Cat looked sympathetic and also a little bit concerned. “Is he the worst?”

“My mom’s boyfriends are always the worst. I hate being home.”

“You can just come back to my house if you want.”

“It’s okay.”

“Okay. I’ll drive away right away so you don’t have to feel weird about me watching you climb in through your window.”

“Thanks,” Jade said. Cat drove away right away and Jade crawled through her window.

Her house was a rancher so everything was on the first floor; it was the only floor aside from the basement. She always kept her bedroom window unlocked on the off chance she needed to get in that way or make a quick escape. Once she had needed to, last year when her mom and one of her other boyfriends had gotten really fucked up on bad coke. She thought it had been coke. She should probably stop leaving her window unlocked; she had all her money hidden in her panda backpack in her safe. The only other important thing was Wyatt’s stuff, but Jade didn’t think anyone would want a bunch of scratched up numetal CDs or some old band shirts and his UCLA hoodie.

She checked her safe and her CDs once she got into her room. Everything was still there. She looked at her phone and thought about Robbie; she wanted to see him. He hadn’t texted her any more last night. Probably he’d gone to bed. They had work together at five; it was past noon now.

Jade texted him. _Are you back from your dad’s yet?_

It said he was typing for forever again. _Yes we came back early._

Jade wondered if that was good or bad. She asked him if she could come over. Robbie said  _Sure if you want_. Jade wanted. She sneaked down the hallway again and took a quick shower. She put on her comfy work clothes and climbed out her window again. She took the bus to Robbie’s.

Robbie smiled at her and let her in. It was a weird smile, it didn’t look like his normal one. Jade followed him into the living room. Alice was laying on the carpet in front of the TV, coloring on a huge drawing pad with colored pencils. She was a cute kid; she had bouncy blonde hair and big brown eyes like Robbie, their eyes were so bright. She was improbably small; Robbie said she spit up her Flintstones vitamins.

“Hi Jade!” said Alice.

“Hi Alice,” said Jade. She sat on the couch next to Robbie. “How was your dad’s?”

Robbie grunted. Alice said, “I ate two ice creams!”

“Awesome,” Jade said. She liked Alice, she didn’t know how to talk to kids though or teenagers under fourteen. “That is a great amount of ice creams.”

Robbie smiled at her and then went back to looking weird and sulky. He looked kind of cranky, really. She’d only ever seen him really cranky last year after he and Cat had kissed two times and then Cat spent ten days literally dropping her books and running the fuck away every time she’d seen Robbie in the hallway. It had been a great time in Jade’s life; now that she herself was kissing Robbie, she felt the book dropping and running the fuck away had been a little much on Cat’s part.

“We played mini golf and Robbie whacked his ball all the way into the next course instead of the dinosaur’s mouth. Dad said he is the worst player,” Alice told Jade.

“Thank you, Alice!” Robbie said, very cranky.

“Welcome!” Alice kept coloring. She was watching old Degrassi episodes on TV.

Jade watched the TV for a few minutes. She used to watch Degrassi as a kid with Wyatt’s girlfriend Kristen; he used to make fun of them for getting into it. She still remembered when JT got Liberty pregnant. Robbie sat beside her, being weird and not saying that much.

“Sorry I forgot to text you back,” Jade said.

“That’s okay,” Robbie said.

“I slept at Cat’s house. She is surprisingly less annoying in the morning.”

Robbie sounded weird. “Oh. So you, you slept at Cat’s?”

“Yes?” said Jade. “Am I not supposed to do that?”

“No, it’s,” said Robbie. “I mean, ha ha, yes, you can do what you want.”

He was turning red for some reason. Jade looked at him weird. “What?”

“What?”

“What’s up with you?”

“Nothing!” Robbie said. He was a little redder. “You - why, why did you come over here?”

Jade stared at him. He was kind of being a dick to her, she had no idea why. “We … have … work?” she said.

“Oh. Okay. Okay.”

“What the hell’s wrong with you?” Jade asked him. “You didn’t have to say sure if you didn’t want me to come over!”

“I do want you to come over,” Robbie said. “I was, I am not looking forward to this conversation. You didn’t have to come over here to tell me you’re getting back together with Beck.”

Jade stared at him some more. “ _What?_ ”

Alice stopped coloring. She was clearly well-versed in the fact that her brother was an insane crazy person. “Oooooh nooooo,” she said.

Jade felt like saying Oh no too. Robbie was still really red; it was making Jade feel annoyed at him. “What are you doing, why are you talking about Beck?”

“It’s okay if that’s what this is,” Robbie told her, not answering her question because he was a jerk and a crazy person. “I don’t, I didn’t think, I figured this would happen. I know you feel bad for me - “

“Pleeeeease speak in normal sentences,” Jade begged of him. “What the fuck are you talking about, why the hell would I feel bad for you?” Robbie had a great house and a great mom and sister and a cool turtle and he was all talented and shit; why would she feel bad for him?

Robbie made a frustrated face at her because she was not following his train of thought: apparently she should be following his crazy train of crazy thought, since he was a crazy person. “You, come on, you kissed me after I was crying about my stupid dad, you kissed me after I told you about my, my -- you know -- “

“EW!” shrieked Alice. She grabbed her coloring pad. “I don’t want to hear about you guys’ relationship!”

Robbie turned even redder; he was at almost maximum red. “Thank you Alice!” he said.

Alice went upstairs. Jade looked at him and then slugged him very hard in the arm. “What is wrong with you?” she asked him. “You are being such a huge asshole to me right now! When have I ever been nice to anyone I felt sorry for?”

“Well - “

“Actually,” Jade said over him, “when have I ever felt sorry for anyone? I don’t know how to do that emotion! I don’t give out pity kisses, you total freakshow. Also!” She slugged him again (“Augh!” said Robbie). “We kissed and shit in between those times, four other times! What about that?”

“Well - “

“I can’t believe you are making me say all this shit to you,” Jade told him angrily. “I actually really like you, you stupid shithead.”

Robbie turned a totally different hue of red; this was his embarrassed and overwhelmed red instead of his I’m crazy and cranky red. “You, you, you do? I’m sorry, I just thought you and Beck - “

She thought he knew to not mention Beck to her unless it was to make fun of him for being Peter Pan. “Why would you think that?”

“I was, I thought, you texted me that you were with Beck.”

“And eight film students,” Jade reminded him pointedly.

“I thought that was you saying, I’m with Beck right now, go away, Robbie.”

Jade frowned. He was so weird; his thought process was so weird. He was truly a demented, crazy person! She had always known!  “I thought you would laugh at the eight film students! Beck doesn’t care about me, he was super watching _Donnie Darko._ ”

“Oh my god,” said Robbie. “I’m sorry, this is so stupid. Sorry.”

“You are _really insecure,_ ” Jade told him.

“I’m sorry. I just, I’ve been waiting, I don’t know if you really like me, I’ve been waiting for Beck to see that he is stupid and want to get back together with you. You guys are like Dawson and Joey, you don’t give up Joey.”

Jade stared at him. “Do not reference shows you clearly haven’t seen,” she told him. Dawson gave up Joey like eighty million times, and then crashed a boat being stupid over her. “Dawson and Joey don’t even end up together. She goes out with Pacey, who is Dawson’s loser best friend.” She had not even seen all of the show and she knew that.

Robbie stared at her too. He didn’t look like he cared that much about Pacey, but Jade did. “Oh,” he said.

“But Pacey is actually awesome. And they have sex at the ski lodge. Then he buys her family restaurant. But not in the same season.” Okay, she had seen most of the show.

“Umm. Okay.” Robbie looked uncomfortable. “So is that, is that like an analogy, are you not getting back together with Beck? Because I would be, I am that loser friend.”

Jade wondered if he wanted to have sex with her at a ski lodge. It would be pretty sweet; she had only seen snow once in her life before. “I’m totally not getting back together with Beck.” She was making a horrible face. It was terrible to say. “I like _you_ , Robbie.”

“Oh. Okay.” Robbie was still blushing and he looked unsure of himself. “Okay. Okay. I am so sorry. I like you too, obviously. I have always liked you. I don’t know, I don’t know what we’re doing.”

“Cat _forced_ me to watch _Donnie Darko_ with Beck,” Jade told him. She didn’t know how to tell him that Cat had made her watch the movie with Beck so that she would see that Robbie was so much better than Beck.

Robbie looked miffed. “Cat _betrayed_ me?” he said.

“Who cares about Cat? I was going to ask you out, you stupid jerk!”

“You were?” yelped Robbie.

“I was, now I’m mad at you,” Jade told him. She had gotten up to being 90% sure of him; now it was back to 85%. “I don’t know how to ask anyone out, I never had to before. I thought we had, like, a thing, I thought you thought we had a thing.”

“I do think we have a thing!” Robbie said. “I really like you.”

“How much do you like me?” Jade asked. It would be nice to know. She honestly didn’t know how to do this stuff. It had been so different with Beck; he had just come up to her after they’d done a project together and said “I think you’re really cool, want to be my girlfriend.” She didn’t know what Robbie meant saying I have always liked you.

“A lot.”

Jade narrowed her eyes at him. “More than Cat?”

“You, you, yes, of course.”

Jade thought about it. “More than Regina Spektor?”

Robbie turned red and smiled. “Don’t, don’t make me do that.”

Jade smiled too. “We totally have a thing,” she told him.

“Okay. I was hoping.” They smiled at each other; even though she felt mostly good it still felt awkward. Jade didn’t know if he wanted her to clarify what their thing was. She was still a little annoyed at him.

“Are you done being a crazy person?”

“I think so,” Robbie said. “Do you, do we really have a thing?”

“I think so,” Jade said. “I am not asking you out now though, you are really mean to me.”

“I’m not mean!” yelped Robbie. “Oh my god, was I really really mean?”

Jade thought about it. “For you, being Robbie, it was mean.”

“I am so sorry. I was, do you think, okay. You don’t have to ask me out, we do not have to do all, all that stuff. I’ll stop being a crazy person. Do you, do you want to celebrate our thing-ness by playing a video game with me, Alice made me set up our Playstation 2 this morning.”

Jade thought she could handle that level of commitment. “Okay. Yes, I do, I accept your proposal of video games.”

“Okay,” Robbie said too. “Do you want to play Sly Cooper, or Crash Bandicoot? I also found ATV Offroad Fury.”

“Don’t insult me,” Jade said. It was Crash all the way.

“Okay, that means not Sly, right, I hope?”

“Yes it means not Sly. Also I want a soda.”

“Okay!” Robbie said. He got her a soda and they celebrated their thing-ness.

  



	17. Chapter Seventeen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> > Mom got one of her stupid looks on her face; Jade knew she was about to start screaming about how shitty men were. “Never rely on a guy, Jade,” she said. “You can never know what they really want. They usually really only want one thing.” She fixed Jade with a significant look.
>> 
>> “Oooooh my god,” said Jade, rolling her eyes.

**Chapter Seventeen**

Jade stayed late at Robbie’s house after work on Saturday night, the same night they declared their thing-ness. Robbie had broke two plates smiling at her at work; Craig made stupid comments and joked, maybe not joked, that Robbie was putting them into the red breaking dishware.

At Robbie’s they made nachos in his kitchen and Robbie yelled at Alice, who kept popping in to talk to Jade, to go to bed. He was back to his usual self, saying a thousand stupid things and making Jade laugh. His mom was finally home for once and she stayed up until past midnight with them. They stood around the kitchen and she and Jade talked about VC Andrews.

“Heaven’s stupid drunk dad,” Jade said. “Oh my god. I cannot believe there was an actual tiger in that book.”

“I know, I know. It was a little wild, but it was the sixties after all. I think. I’m still not over the death of Tom,” Robbie’s mom said.

“Mom, you read it like a month ago!” said Robbie. He was being ignored at the table and was sulking a lot.

Jade and Robbie’s mom continued ignoring him. “God, Tom! He was like the only not-creepy male in the book,” Jade said.

Robbie’s mom thought about it. “He’s probably one of the only not-creepy males in all of her books, really.”

“Steve was pretty sweet,” Jade said. Steve was Star’s boyfriend in _The Wildflowers_.

“Oh my goodness, Steve!” Robbie’s mom gasped. “Forgot him. RIP. He was a sweet boy.”

“They always die,” Jade said.

Robbie kept making amazing faces at the things they were saying; Jade felt sorry for him. He didn’t appreciate literature.

By the time they ate their nachos they were cold, then Robbie drove her home and kissed her goodnight. They didn’t really make out, though she wanted to. “I cannot process cheese, I have to get home quickly,” Robbie told her. “Sorry, this is very dangerous, being in the car with you right now.”

“You’re such a goddamn romantic, you know just what to say to me,” Jade said. Robbie laughed. Her house was all dark so she did not feel the need to crawl into her window. Danny and her mom were there, passed out on the couch like losers.

On Sunday she hid in her room, avoiding her mom and Danny by actually doing horrible homework. Someone knocked on her door but she had it locked. She went to the not-work diner with Cat and Robbie and Andre around six. She held Robbie’s hand for a little, just a couple minutes, since it was just Cat and Andre. Cat grinned so much that she could not eat her chicken sandwich properly. Andre laughed at her with lettuce falling out of her mouth.

She had a dream that night about her brother. It was the same dream as usual. She hadn’t had it in a while; probably talking about him to Robbie a couple days ago had done it. Got him in her head again, made her upset.

Jade hated the dream. She was at her dad’s big house where she’d grown up as a kid and she walked past Wyatt’s room. Wyatt was in his room; he called out to her, ‘What’s up, brat.’ He was covered in blood and his leather jacket was in shreds over his arm. His arm, what was left of it. Jade went into his room and then they were in his car. He was still covered in blood. His face was crushed and his eye was hanging out of his skull. The blood bubbled out of his mouth; it was almost black. He said, “Oh my god, shit, Jade.” She felt blood running down her back.

Jade woke up. She felt like she was having a hot flash even though she was too young to have a hot flash; she could not breathe. She never knew if what she was dreaming had really happened or not. It had been so long ago. She could still feel the blood running down her back. It made her want to rip her skin off. Her heart was beating like crazy; it was going to bang up out of her chest.

She got out of her bed and stood up. Mom and Danny were passed out on the couch together again; she could not even go out to the living room or kitchen to calm down. She put her jeans on and crawled out her window. It was four am, but Mr Hernandez still had his porch light on. She sat in her front yard in front of her window and smoked her mom’s cigarettes until the sun started to come out. She could hear some gun shots, far away, heard her neighbors down the street having a screaming argument. It was still better than being inside.

 

She was tired at school that day and didn’t say too much during Improv or at lunch. “Are you okay?” Robbie asked her.

“Yeah, I didn’t sleep good.”

Robbie frowned. “Sorry,” he said.

Jade didn’t want him to worry about her. “I was, like, still haunted by the thought of you not processing cheese and what was happening in your car after I left on Saturday.”

“Ha ha ha,” said Robbie. “You’ll never know. Are you really okay?”

“I’m fine.”

They had work again since it was Monday and they usually worked Mondays. Jade went to Robbie’s after school and they watched _Ghost Ship_. She thought about the stuff he had told her; she felt gross right now and it did kind of help watching a gross horror movie. It was great watching people get cut into pieces. She felt a little better by the time they went into the Marburn; she was able to wait her tables without even screaming at anyone.

She went to Robbie’s house for the next couple of days, making sure she got home late so that she didn’t have to talk to her mom. Thursday Cat came over so they could all study for their first big English test of the quarter. Robbie took them home around eight, early for him and Jade since Cat was there. He dropped Jade off first so she didn’t have to go on the highway with them.

Jade’s mom was home and Danny wasn’t there for once; her mom was making pasta at the stove. Jade marveled at her mom actually cooking something for once even though it was just pasta.

“Where’ve you been, babe?” Mom asked. “Feels like I haven’t seen you in forever.”

Jade leaned against the kitchen island. “I’ve been around,” she told her mom. She didn’t tell her, you were mostly unconscious on the couch. “I’ve been hanging out with Robbie.”

“Oh my god, that little kid with the glasses?”

“Yep,” Jade said shortly. He wasn’t even little anymore; Mom had seen him for like two seconds in September during their freshman year. It was the one and only play Mom had ever managed to drag herself to.

“You’ve been with him a lot then,” Mom said. It made her feel weird.

“It’s not that much.”

Mom got one of her stupid looks on her face; Jade knew she was about to start screaming about how shitty men were. “Never rely on a guy, Jade,” she said. “You can never know what they really want. They usually really only want one thing.” She fixed Jade with a significant look.

“Oooooh my god,” said Jade, rolling her eyes.

Mom ignored her tone. “I’m just saying. I’m just telling you. You spend too much time with the same guy, then one day you wake up and you’re stuck.”

Mom was so stupid. “It’s not like that,” Jade said, she hoped with finality. “Can I have some of those noodles?”

She still felt weird the next day nonetheless, sitting at Robbie’s again after school. They had hung out five days in a row, even more if you counted the weekend. Maybe she was being too much, even though he’d been the one asking her over.

“Am I over here too much?” Jade asked him. They were sitting in his living room.

Robbie was staring at the tv screen. His mouth was open slightly and he looked very attractive. They were watching the old _The Hills Have Eyes_ , which was one of his favorites. It was a VHS classic; Robbie had laughed a lot when she’d said that. “What? Huh?”

“I don’t have to come over like every day if you don’t want me to.”

Robbie stared at her for a moment and then started smiling. He rolled his eyes. “You, yeah, you found me out. I hate having a smart beautiful girl in my house that kisses me and watches my shitty movies with me. What are you even doing, can you go home already?”

“Okay,” said Jade. She got off the couch and stood up.

“Jade!” Robbie yelped. “I was just kidding!”

Jade laughed at him. “I’m just getting a soda.”

“Oh, god, okay.” Robbie looked relieved. She got her soda and came and sat down, Robbie took the soda from her hand and put it on the coffee table. He put his arm around her and leaned in and kissed her. It was probably the first time he’d really kissed her first, aside from kissing her goodnight and shit.

They kissed for a while and it was good. Robbie’s mom was at work and Alice was at her girls’ hockey practice until six; they didn’t have to worry about anyone coming in. Jade liked the way Robbie kissed her. It felt like he would swallow her up. She threaded her hands in his stupid hair. “You are the best,” Robbie told her. “You are so, so - “

“No talking!” said Jade. He said really soppy sappy shit at times and it was embarrassing. You would think they were engaged or something. You’re so pretty, you’re so wonderful, you’re so beautiful. Jesus. She was none of those things. They kissed and touched each other through their clothes for a little bit, it was going great until Jade started to undo Robbie’s belt again. Then he got weird again. She could feel his body tensing up and feel him closing off. He put his hands over hers on his belt and said, “You, you, we should, we should probably - “

“You’re going to give me a complex, dude,” Jade told him. She was trying to make a joke, even though she did feel that way a little, but he just frowned. She instantly felt bad.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I know I’m so, it’s not that I don’t want to do anything. I just, I’ve never, I don’t want you to freak out.”

“Is your penis deformed or something?” Jade asked him. “I probably wouldn’t even care that much, as long as it still kind of worked.”

Robbie turned very red. “That is – actually weirdly kind, but no it is not deformed, it is very depressingly average. It is the rest of me that is deformed.”

Jade rolled her eyes. “I don’t care about your stupid scars.”

“Ha ha, you will.”

Jade rolled her eyes again. “No I won’t.” She wouldn’t; he didn’t know everything. She didn’t feel like having an argument or making him feel bad, though. She was trying not to get worked up about Robbie not wanting to get jerked off or get a blowjob. It wasn’t like you even had to be naked or whatever to do that stuff. He was so stupid. She just liked him and wanted him to feel good. “It’s fine anyway, it’s whatever.”

“I’m sorry.” Robbie looked really miserable. He rubbed his hands on his face. “I’m sorry I am so weird, I will get better, we can, we can do stuff.”

“Robbie, it’s fine.”

“No, I am fine, it’s fine, we can start over.”

Jade gave him a Look. He was obviously not fine and looked very uncomfortable. “Dude, look. I am not actually like fainting away wanting to give you a blowjob, it is seriously fine, I understand. We’ve only been together or whatever for like five minutes, it’s cool. Let’s just watch your movie.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Stop apologizing.”

“Sor – uh, um, sorry. Okay sorry,” Robbie said for the eightieth time. Jade sighed heavily at him; he just frowned and turned red. Jade threw a pillow at him. Then she laid on him so that he’d know she wasn’t mad and drank her soda. She was still laying on him an hour later when his mom came in with Alice and two pizza boxes.

“Jade!” she said. “I was hoping you were here. What have you guys been doing?”

Not having intercourse, Jade wanted to say. She honestly thought Mrs. Shapiro (she did still go by Mrs. Shapiro) might laugh at that; Robbie probably would not. Alice ran past them before she could answer. “We got extra cheese so Robbie could be extra miserable!”

“Thank you, Alice,” said Robbie.

“I think I will be going home early tonight,” said Jade thoughtfully.  Robbie’s mom laughed, a lot. Alice already had like three slices of pizza stuffed in her mouth.

She did go home early even though Mrs. Shapiro said she should stay. Once she got home she sat at her small shitty desk and actually did her homework on a Friday night like a loser; she had plans for the weekend. She laid in her bed that night thinking about Robbie. She felt like she was in a teen movie, laying in bed and thinking about some guy all deeply again. It was kind of nice, kind of gross.

She guessed she really did get it and she shouldn’t have a complex. She already knew that Robbie was being weird about his cuts or whatever and that it wasn’t about her. She didn’t know how bad they were and she was so curious. She knew he felt like she was making fun of him when she said she wanted to see them. He was so insecure and it was annoying.

Robbie was more complicated than she had thought. It was a little depressing but instead of being off-putting it made her like him even more. She didn’t know how he could annoy her and make her like him so much. She was probably pretty fucked up, too. She knew she was. She knew more about him now than he knew about her.

She _looked_ fucked up too, from her car accident with her brother. She had a huge scar on her back and another one on her ribcage. She didn’t want anyone to see how she looked either. She deserved it for kicking at Wyatt’s seat and making him get into the turn lane and getting him killed. Robbie didn’t deserve it, he was just messed up and sad. He very likely hadn’t even gotten anyone killed.

Well. Maybe he’d killed someone from boredom when he’d been doing an act with Rex or something.

That was a good train of thought, Jade thought. She didn’t want to have another nightmare about Wyatt. She thought instead about how much she hated Rex and how glad she had been when Cat’s brother broke him tossing him out the car. Robbie had talked about wanting to get him fixed once or twice in November. Jade now knew that Alice had hidden Rex deep in their basement, under some of their dad’s old camping equipment. Robbie was scared of the basement and hated his dad as well as camping; he’d never find his stupid dummy. Jade fell asleep thinking about Rex being roasted over a campfire.


	18. Chapter Eighteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> > Jade turned back to Alice. “You’re not going to the science museum with us?”
>> 
>> Alice turned the stove off and gave Robbie his pancake. She was making a face about the museum; Jade didn’t blame her. “Robbie talks to me about fossils a lot already, there’s an iCarly marathon on today,” Alice said. Jade nodded. Fair enough. She silently commended Robbie for never once having talked to her about fossils.

**Chapter Eighteen**.

 

She woke up wanting a hot dog; it was that Rex as campfire kindling dream. It was a great dream.

Mom must have gone out after she’d gone to bed. The house was empty and Jade felt happy. She took a long shower and dried her hair, curled it. She even put on some makeup, which was a big deal for her. It was the weekend and it didn’t matter what you looked like on the weekend. Robbie worked at 9 on Sunday, tomorrow, and she worked at 3; they wouldn’t even see each other. Craig was probably punishing them for mooning over each other and breaking dishes.

It was Saturday today though. Robbie was doing his Urban Friendship Foundation thing; he’d asked her if she wanted to go out with him and the kids again earlier in the week. They were really going to the science museum this time. Robbie had bought all the tickets in advance on Tuesday like a big dork. He was very excited.

Jade called him up instead of texting. “Do you want me to take the bus to your house?”

“Hm? Jade?” Robbie said. He sounded very groggy and sleepy, it was kind of cute.

“Are you still sleeping?” Jade demanded. She was already showered and ready and beautiful, sort of beautiful, whatever. She was ready for the day and wanted a coffee.

“A little, hi.”

Jade rolled her eyes and tried not to smile. She could humor him for one minute. “Hey.”

“I’m still in bed. I was dreaming about you.”

Oh God. The minute was over. “Please stop, I don’t want to throw up.”

Robbie laughed. “Sorry.”

“It’s after nine,” Jade pointed out.

“Nine is, is very early.”

“Not when there’s no school!”

Robbie sounded like he was smiling. “God. You’re really cute.”

“Okay, gross, I am taking the bus, you are clearly inebriated or some shit.”

“What? Oh. Oh. Okay. You still, you still want to go today? To the museum?” Now he sounded less groggy and moreso weird and hesitant.

“Why wouldn’t I?”

“Oh. Okay, good.”

“If you could not be in your Harry Potter pajamas when I get there that would be really great.”

“They don’t even fit me anymore!” Robbie squawked loudly. “Oooh my god, I only even told you about them because –“ Jade hung up on him, laughing.

Alice let her in when she got to Robbie’s house. Robbie was sitting at the kitchen table, not in his Harry Potter pajamas. “Hi,” he said, smiling at her.

“Hey,” Jade said. She was wearing his Dawn of the Dead hoodie and was hoping he wouldn’t be a super dork about it. It was unlikely because he was a super dork about everything.

Robbie didn’t say anything about the hoodie, though. He said, “Augh! Alice, do not burn my pancake!”

Alice closed the kitchen door and rushed back to the stove. “I’m not burning it!” she exclaimed. She got on her little stepstool (Jade managed with great effort not to say anything) and flipped the pancake that was sizzling on the stovetop.

“It needs to be golden brown and not burnt,” Robbie told her. “Also, why is it sizzling like that?! Jade, do you want a pancake? I am forcing Alice to cook for me, because I am a manly man-type man and cannot be bothered with such things.”

The girls ignored Robbie being a super dork. “I’m only allowed to use the stove when Mom or Robbie supervises me,” Alice told Jade. “Last week Robbie showed me how to make crepes.”

Jade sat down at the table. “You never made me crepes,” she said to Robbie.

“You have never had breakfast here,” Robbie said. “Maybe if you slept over or something.” Then he turned his brilliant shade of embarrassed red.

Jade wouldn’t mind sleeping over. “Yeah, maybe.” She observed him becoming more red. She turned back to Alice. “You’re not going to the science museum with us?”

Alice turned the stove off and gave Robbie his pancake. She was making a face about the museum; Jade didn’t blame her. “Robbie talks to me about fossils a lot already, there’s an iCarly marathon on today,” Alice said. Jade nodded. Fair enough. She silently commended Robbie for never once having talked to her about fossils.

Robbie walked Alice through using their coffee machine and Alice very proudly served Jade a coffee. She drank it as Robbie called Victor and July to confirm times. Then Jade heckled him until he put his sneakers on and got ready to go. They said goodbye to Alice and went to his car to go pick up the kids.

They met them at Victor’s house again. The kids ran to the car as Victor’s grandmother (on the porch once more) shouted at them in Spanish. July seemed subdued and had a big fading bruise on the side of his face, trailing down his cheekbone. Jade and Robbie exchanged a look; it might be nothing. Robbie said, “You guys ready to go?”

“Yes,” said the kids with varying degrees of excitement.

Robbie drove them to the museum. Jade decided to be nice for once and let him play his music, his Pandora playlist that had his weird chick rock on it. She called it Robbie Radio in her head. “Regiiiiiinaaaa,” Robbie said. He turned the radio up. He said to Jade, “This song reminds me of you.”

Jade rolled her eyes. It was only eleven-thirty and he was starting with his soppy shit. “God, not in front of the children, Robbie.” Robbie grinned.

The museum was four floors; they started first floor and worked their way up. Jade and the kids suffered as Robbie lead them through the geology room. “Ready to see my favorite rock?” he said. “Surprise – it is not actually a sedimentary type like I alluded to last time! It’s … a metamorphic! Any guesses?”

“Oh my god,” Jade said softly. “He is such a loser.”

“Oh my god,” said Victor and July. “We know.”

“You guys are really very rude,” Robbie said crankily. “It’s serpentinite, by the way.”

The second floor was amphibians and insects; the kids had fun looking at lizards and turtles. Jade flirted with Robbie a little and then they all stopped at the cafeteria and got ice cream. Robbie was dripping ice cream onto his red Vans, looking at the museum signs with his mouth open. Jade pushed his ice cream so it wasn’t dripping on his shoes anymore. “Oooooh,” he said. “Who wants to go into the butterfly dome with me?”

Victor made a face. “Huge gross nasty beetles? No thanks.” He stood outside the dome and made faces at them through the glass as the three walked in.

Jade looked around. There were huge flowers and ferns everywhere; the ceiling was painted pink with stars and tinkly ambient music was playing. Robbie was reading out names of butterflies out to Julio, who actually seemed interested. Jade had had more hope for him. Robbie looked up at Jade looking at everything and smiled.

“Cat would love it here,” Jade said.

Robbie looked surprised and then smiled again. “Yeah, she probably would.”

“You never took her here?”

Robbie laughed. He still looked surprised. “Um, no? You, you’re the only girl I ever took anywhere.”

“Oh.”

A butterfly with huge blue wings landed on the sleeve of Jade’s hoodie; she looked at its shiny iridescent wing pattern and smiled a little. Then she looked at its long, huge, gross nasty beetle body and its huge unblinking soulless bug eyes and stopped smiling. No thanks, she said like Victor in her head. “Ooooh my god, Robbie, get it off me.” She shook her sleeve. Victor was laughing at her through the window.

Robbie laughed and batted at her sleeve; the huge nasty flying beetle flew away. Jade grabbed Robbie’s hand. “July, are you good? Let’s go.” She grabbed Julio too and led the boys out of the butterfly dome.

She dropped July’s hand but not Robbie’s; both the kids were staring at them. Robbie slowly began turning red. The kids looked at each other and then back at Jade and Robbie.

“Are you guys going out for real now?” Victor asked.

“Going, going out?” Robbie yapped in a high voice. He was so attractive and suave. Jade felt really lucky. “We always go out. What’s, what’s the big deal? You guys are going out too.”

The boys rolled their eyes; Jade did too.

“He liked you for forever,” Victor told Jade. “He talked about you all the time before we went into that weird diner and saw you working there.”

“Then he talked about you even more,” July said.

Jade looked at Robbie; he was very dark red. She worried about the blood vessels in his brain again. What if he collapsed right here? How would they get home? “That’s interesting,” she said, raising her eyebrows at him. “I was not told this before.”

“Ha ha,” said Robbie. “They lie so much, it’s disgusting.”

“Are you like boyfriend and girlfriend now?” July asked.

“Ha ha,” Robbie said again. He didn’t turn any redder because it wasn’t possible. “I mean. I don’t, I wouldn’t say, I don’t want Jade to have to - “

Jade took pity on him. “Yep, we are boyfriend and girlfriend now,” she said casually. She was still holding his hand.

“REALLY?” Robbie said. He was so surprised he dropped her hand. Then he grabbed it again. “I mean, really. I was being modest.” He turned to the boys. “We are boyfriend and girlfriend now. Didn’t, didn’t, didn’t know how to tell you guys, very big development in my life.”

July and Victor looked deeply unimpressed by him. “So did you buy her any jewelry?” July asked. He was very serious. “That’s what you are supposed to do when you have a girlfriend. My mom said.”

“Ah,” said Robbie. “Um. I, no, I have not. You see, this is very new for me, I don’t think that Jade, Jade wants – “

“No, I do, I totally want jewelry,” Jade said. She was so amused by him. “Why haven’t I got any jewelry, Robbie?”

July and Victor looked even more deeply unimpressed by Robbie. “Why hasn’t she got any jewelry?!”

“Oh my god,” said Robbie. He was still really red; it was great. “Do you, you really want jewelry?”

“You should take her to the gift shop,” Victor said. “They have expensive stuff there.”

“You should take me to the gift shop,” Jade told Robbie. “They have expensive stuff there.”

Robbie laughed. “Oh my god,” he said again. “You, you, okay, fine.” Jade and the kids dragged him to the gift shop. Robbie trailed behind them, looking pinched and nervous as Jade and the boys wandered around and looked at the displays. Museum gift shops always had so much cool jewelry for some reason. It was mostly real silver and shit, too. “Do you, should I, should I like be involved in this decision? Do you want me to pick something out for you?”

“Nope, I’m good,” Jade said. Robbie was a sweetheart but he was a dork and had horrible taste. He was wearing a pink t-shirt right now under his red LIFEGUARD hoodie; she almost couldn’t believe she had held his hand for like twenty minutes in public already today.

Robbie laughed. He still looked nervous. “Okay. Okay. I have like two hundred on me in cash, you can get whatever you want.”

“Dude,” Jade said. That amazing Laika brooch at the shitty Jurassic technology museum had been like two hundred. “Calm down, at least save something for our one month anniversary. I am not going to drain all your money at once.”

Robbie looked pleased instead of horrified at all the money he was going to potentially spend dating her. “You really think you’ll like me for more than a month?”

“Oh my god,” Jade said. She couldn’t deal with him and his insecurities when they were in an amazing gift shop. She wandered away from him. July kept holding necklaces up to her neck and looking critical; it was making her laugh way too much. She had to remind herself that kids were annoying.

Jade picked out a mood ring; it didn’t cost that much, only $25. She would probably spend that much if she was buying it for herself. It had little stars engraved in the band. “You don’t actually have to pay for it,” she told Robbie as an afterthought.

“Yes he does!” said Victor. He looked very personally offended.

Robbie laughed. “I don’t mind,” he said. He paid for the ring and also sodas for July and Victor. Jade put her ring on. It instantly turned black.

“Wow!” said the kids.

“It’s because I’m a witch and also undead,” Jade told them. “Also I have really cold hands.” July smiled. Jade waved her hand in Robbie’s face and then put her hand in her hair. “What do you think?”

“It completes your, your teenaged goth witch from the nineties look,” Robbie said. He looked a little embarrassed but was smiling. “I always, I always wanted a nineties goth witch girlfriend.”

“You got so lucky.”

“I know.”

They went through the rest of the museum; the life-sized dinosaurs were really cool. They spent a long time in the dinosaur room, which was the whole fourth floor. Robbie kept being a total dork and quoting Jurassic Park. “Life, finds a way,” he said loudly for the eighth time as they stood and watched an animatronic triceratops eat fake grass.

They stayed at the museum until it closed at six. Robbie and Victor headed down the eighty million stairs, laughing and talking about Victor’s grandmother. July had stopped at the second floor. He was standing in the huge archway and looking at the big butterfly dome again. It was lit up because it was nighttime now; pink and blue lights danced off the ceiling. It was really beautiful even though the threat of gross nasty butterflies loomed.

Jade stood beside him. “Hey. You all right?”

“Yes,” said July. He kept looking at the lights. “This was a really good day,” he said in a small voice. “I had a lot of fun today.”

“I agree,” Jade said. “I did too.” She stood there, chewing on her lip. “How’d you get the huge bruise?” she asked him.

July turned back towards the steps. He didn’t answer her question.  “I’m ready to go,” he said.

“Okay.” Jade followed him down the steps. Robbie was yelling something dorky in the lobby.


	19. Chapter Nineteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> > “Don’t you want to see Devon Sawa?” Robbie asked.
>> 
>> Jade was fiddling with the hem of his stupid Green Day shirt. “I want to see you, my boyfriend of almost a whole week,” she said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is 62% sex. You've been warned!

**Chapter Nineteen**

Another week went by. Nothing changed that much.

It was so weird. She was kind of surprised the world hadn’t imploded, even though that was so stupid. She and Robbie were actually going out now. Nobody even made fun of them, aside from Sikowitz one time at the end of the week.

On Monday Cat had jumped up and down a lot and then jumped onto the bench at their lunch table, making the whole thing shake. Jade had just told her in a text before lunch period started.

“I’M SO EXCITED,” Cat said. “Did you guys tell people? Am I the first person?” Jade rolled her eyes; it’s not like they were engaged to be married or something.

Robbie rolled his eyes too. “Cat, you are like literally the only other friend we have.”

“Hey!” said Andre, who was sitting next to Cat and eating a sandwich.

“Oh, sorry! You are too.”

“Oh my god, well, can I tell people? Certain people,” Cat said, at Jade’s horrified stare. “Select people. Oh my god, I love telling people stuff. Please. Can I tell them, Jade?”

“Ummm.”

“I already told Andre and it went great!”

“Yeah, congrats guys,” said Andre. “Was a long road getting here.” He was still eating his sandwich.

“Thanks,” said Jade.

“He teared up,” Cat said.

Jade sighed; Cat and Robbie were both looking at her. Cat was biting her lip in excitement. “I don’t care. You can tell _select people_ if you really feel the need to.”

“YES,” said Cat. She got her serious face on. She took out her pink patterned notebook and started making a list. Jade and Robbie looked at each other, disturbed. Cat said, “Also, we should all go out after school and get food. To celebrate. And get food.”

“Okay,” said Jade. Robbie looked quietly overjoyed; she tried not to roll her eyes at him.

 

Even though her mom was an idiot, Jade kept thinking about what she’d said last week. She didn’t believe all guys only wanted one thing: Robbie was basically terrified of sex; he clearly did not only want sex. She also didn’t really think that one day she’d wake up and be stuck with Robbie. That was unfeminist. But she remembered her mom saying she’d been spending a lot of time with him. She didn’t want Robbie to get sick and tired of her. She did actually really like him; she was disgusting herself.

On Monday she and Robbie and Cat and Andre went out and got food. They did not actually celebrate Jade and Robbie being boyfriend and girlfriend because no one aside from Cat was twelve (she wasn’t actually twelve. She would be eighteen in April). Tuesday Jade went home after school and took a really good nap.

Wednesday and Thursday Jade and Robbie had work, and Cat made Jade stay after school with her. Cat had the Valentine’s Day dance to freak out about, even though it was still January. Robbie restrained himself very much on Wednesday and Thursday; he only texted Jade five times each day before he came to get her for work.

Friday night Robbie drove her to her house. Jade sat in his car and looked at her house; she was dreading getting out. She’d been dreading it the whole ride here. Probably since last night, really, when she’d gotten home from work. Mom had been passed out on the couch and Danny’d been there, eating all their food.

Jade sat in the car. Robbie was looking at her. “Are you okay?” he asked. It was after seven; they’d seen a movie.

“Sure,” Jade said. She looked at her house. “My mom’s boyfriend is here.”

“Is he here a lot?” Robbie said.

“Kind of. Yes.”

“This is, is this the same guy she was seeing at Christmas?”

She hadn’t told Robbie much about it, but she’d told him a little. “Yeah.”

Robbie frowned. “Oh. Okay. Well.” He looked at her house too. “You don’t have to, to go in. We could hang out some more.” He hesitated. “You could, you could sleep over if you wanted.”

“Oh,” said Jade. She was kind of surprised.

Robbie smiled at her in a nervous way. “I promise not to take, um, advantage of you.”

“As if. You wish.” Robbie laughed. Jade chewed on her lower lip. “I don’t want to be at your place all the time bugging you.”

“You don’t, it is impossible to bug me. Even Alice doesn’t bug me, and she is an annoying sister and not, and not a, a, a girlfriend.”

“Hmm,” said Jade. Robbie seemed to have trouble with that word; he looked like he expected her to beat him.

“You don’t have to,” Robbie said quickly.

Jade thought about it. “No, I do want to. I’m just sad that you won’t take advantage of me.”

“Ha ha ha,” said Robbie, going red.

“Will you go in with me so I can get clothes?”

“Sure.”

Robbie followed her awkwardly into her house. Jade’s mom was passed out on the couch; Danny was next to her watching some gross sport on the TV. He looked at them and didn’t say anything, probably because Robbie was there. Robbie was not very intimidating but he did have broad shoulders and was taller than Danny, who was gross and squat and fat. Robbie followed her to her room. He looked around while Jade picked out her clothes.

“You know, I always expected you to have more stuff up in your room.”

Jade was looking at her pajamas; she hesitated before pulling out her favorite tank top. “I don’t really do that stuff anymore.”

“Hang posters?”

“Yeah.”

“Oh.”

They drove to Robbie’s house; Alice was alone in the living room watching TV. Robbie spent a few minutes berating her for not locking the top lock on the front door. Then he said to Jade, “Do you mind if I take a shower, I got very sweaty during the sex scenes in the movie.”

“Oh my god, ew,” said Alice.

“It’s your house, go ahead,” said Jade. They had seen _Gone Girl_ , it was a lot of sex and a lot of blood and monologuing. Ben Affleck was still pretty bland. Jade and Alice heated up a pizza in the oven while Robbie showered and maybe did gross boy stuff. Jade figured Alice could use the stove if she was supervising.

Robbie came back downstairs; he was wearing jeans and an American Idiot shirt as if it was 2005. “My mom said you could stay over,” he said to Jade. Mrs. Shapiro was at work and then she was going to her second job. “She said you could use her bathroom if you want.”

Alice gasped. “Mom does not even let me use her bathroom.”

“Jade is a grown up woman,” Robbie told her.

Jade tried not to feel weird. “You told your mom? Did you tell her my mom was passed out on the couch?”

Robbie frowned. “No, of course not.”

“Why was your mom passed out?” Alice wanted to know.

“She was drunk,” Jade told her. “She is always drunk.”

Alice and Robbie frowned and Alice looked confused. “I’m sorry,” said Alice.

Jade felt bad; maybe she shouldn’t say things like that in front of a kid. She looked at their pizza. “Can you even eat this, Robbie?”

“Ha ha,” said Robbie. Then he looked doubtfully at the pizza as well. “Maybe I’ll just eat some Spaghetti-o’s.”

Jade and Alice got their pizza and Alice let Jade commandeer the TV. Dawson’s Creek was on on the POP! network. Jade loved the POP! network; they also played 90210. Jade was very into 90s TV. She guessed she was vintage too. She had loved all the TV channels in Beck’s RV; probably for the last six months of the relationship Jade had just stayed for the TV channels.

Jade and Alice and Robbie watched Dawson’s Creek. Pacey was having sex with his English teacher; Dawson had recorded it somehow because he was an asshole. It wasn’t important but Dawson was an asshole. “Look, it’s you,” Jade said.

“That is so not me,” Robbie said. They watched Pacey and his clearly forty year old but playing a thirty year old teacher writhe around. “Is that him and his teacher?”

“It is his English teacher. Miss Jacobs.” So she had seen all of the show, so what?

“I would never have sex with Mr. Bellmont, I think his standards are too high.”

Jade laughed a lot. Alice was really into Dawson’s Creek. They watched two episodes and then Alice went to bed. Jade and Robbie went up into his room; it felt kind of weird because Jade was going to be sleeping there. She looked at Einstein for a while in his huge tank, then looked at Robbie’s movies that were on a bookshelf by his bed. They were all out of order; she felt the strong need to organize them but stopped herself. For now. “Should we watch something in here?”

“Sure, if you want.” Robbie was sitting awkwardly on his bed.

Jade looked through the movies. “What’s _The Descent?_ ”

“That is actually my favorite monster, sort of monster movie,” Robbie said. Then he frowned and made a face. “But actually, actually you probably wouldn’t like it, maybe pick something else.”

“Hmm,” said Jade. She tactfully didn’t mention that she hadn’t really liked a lot of his other favorite monster, sort of monster movies. “ _Final Destination_?”

“Classic, classic cinema.”

Jade put the movie on on his little TV. She went and sat on Robbie’s bed with him; his bed was narrow but comfy. She kissed him for a while as the credits were rolling. “Thanks for letting me stay over,” she said.

“Sure. Of course. I want you here.”

They kissed for a little more. They didn’t really care about the movie; the movie was a buffer. Jade was kind of waiting for Robbie to get weird and tense up again. He was doing pretty good so far. “Don’t you want to see Devon Sawa?” Robbie asked.

Jade was fiddling with the hem of his stupid Green Day shirt. “I want to see you, my boyfriend of almost a whole week,” she said. She was being a little sarcastic but also serious.

“Ha ha,” said Robbie. “I didn’t, we don’t have to do anything. I mean, that’s not why I wanted you to sleep over.”

“You wanted me to sleep over because you feel sorry for me because my mom’s a drunk,” Jade said.

“No!” said Robbie. “I didn’t, I wasn’t, okay, we can do stuff if you want.”

“You sound really enthralled,” Jade said dryly.

“I am enthralled with you,” Robbie said. He had a look of dread on his face, like he was at the dentist. Jade rolled her eyes; she was all about enthusiastic consent. She wanted Robbie to enjoy this, and not look like he was at the dentist.

“Are you okay?”

“Yes. I really am really enthralled with you, I want to keep going.”

“Okay.” Jade rolled on him on the bed and kissed him until he was making little noises in her mouth. He really did love commanding women. She kissed his neck and then when he started saying her name eighty times she kissed him on the mouth again. He was so sappy and they hadn’t even had sex or anything yet. She rubbed at him through his jeans; he was really hard.

“We don’t have to do anything,” Jade said.

“I know that. I do. I do want to.”

“Okay,” said Jade. She kissed him a little more. Robbie put his arms around her. He gathered her hair up at the nape of her neck and put his other hand on the back of her neck; it was really hot for some reason. She bit his lip hard. He could probably see part of her big scar if it wasn’t so dark in the room. The only light in the room was Einstein’s little sunlamp; it would be kind of romantic if they couldn’t hear Einstein splashing away in his little pond. Jade started unzipping Robbie’s jeans.

“Oh god,” said Robbie. “Okay. Oh god oh god.”

Jade started laughing at him and he smiled back at her. “This would go so much better if you didn’t talk, I think.”

“I can never not talk, oh god,” said Robbie.

Jade pulled his jeans and boxers down and pulled his shirt up a little, she shifted down on the bed. Robbie’s dick was bigger than Beck’s; she could not wait to tell Cat.

His scars were really bad. There were a lot of them; she hadn’t expected it to look that bad. They were all over his lower stomach below his belly button. He had some on his hips and above his pubic bone. There were so many some of them crisscrossed each other. It kind of looked like a horror movie. In the dim light they shone white.

They didn’t really bother Jade. She touched him for a while, real slow. She licked one of the scars, low on his hip. Robbie made a sound. Jade wrapped her hand around his dick and put her mouth on him.

“OH MY GOD,” said Robbie.

Jade started laughing and almost choked on his dick. “Dude, oh my god, shut the fuck up!”

“Sorry. Sorry. Oh god. Oh god. Jade Jade Jade. Oh god, I am going to wake Alice up.”

Jade started laughing again; he was the worst person to give a blowjob to. She laid her head against his thigh for a moment. “She’ll just think you’re yelling about fossils again. I am really glad you showered.”

“You, you, you.” Robbie couldn’t really form words because Jade had him in her mouth again. “You are, you are a really terrible person. I don’t, don’t actually like you at all.”

“Hmmmmm,” Jade said around his dick.

“Fuck,” said Robbie. He was really hot. “Oh god.”

It didn’t take that long. Jade wasn’t super experienced or anything, but she had been giving Beck blowjobs for two and a half years. She knew what to do; she was good at it. She wasn’t thinking about Beck. Robbie was right here making sounds and putting his hands in her hair. She was getting really turned on sucking him off and he wasn’t even doing anything. It was kind of embarrassing; she was really wet.

Robbie touched the back of her neck; he pushed her hair away from her face. “Jade, you should stop, I am, I am going to – “

“Mm-hm,” said Jade. That was the point. Robbie came; the sound he made wasn’t even that embarrassing. He kept his hand in her hair.

Jade sat up; she hadn’t got that messy. She pulled his boxers back up. Robbie stared at her as she zipped his jeans up and laid back down next to him. “Was that okay?”

“YES IT WAS OKAY,” said Robbie, super loud. Jade wondered if she had broken him. He leaned over and kissed her; he didn’t seem to care that she probably still had some of his come in her mouth. “You are, you are so.” They kissed some more on his little bed. “I want to, can I do it to you?”

“Umm,” said Jade. She wasn’t sure about him going down on her, she had not showered all day. “You can touch me, yeah.”

“Okay.” Robbie kissed her; he touched her through her shirt and then put his hands under her shirt. He ran his hands over her ribs, he probably couldn’t feel the little scar. He touched her breasts really light. “This is a very fancy bra,” he said. “Is this okay?”

“Yep, I am good to go,” Jade managed. She had been good to go for like ten minutes; she was really turned on. She helped him unbutton her jeans and wriggled out of him. Robbie touched her through her underwear. He did everything so slow, she was going to die.

His mouth was really close to hers. He put his hand in her underwear. “You have to tell me what you like,” he said.

Jade didn’t know what to say; she liked everything. She put her hand over his and he touched her clit really slow with two fingers. She was going to die it felt so good. Robbie kept touching her. He was staring at her and making a serious face. It was kind of intense. She kind of wanted to laugh at him but also everything felt so good so she kissed him instead. Robbie moved his hand lower; Jade made a stupid sound of her own into his mouth.

“Is that okay?”

“Uh-huh.” Robbie slid a finger in her; Jade came in like three seconds. She pulled his hand out of her underwear when she was done and it was too much.

Robbie had his pinched nervous face on. In the dim light, his eyes looked really big behind his glasses. “Okay?” he asked her.

“Yeah.” Jade grinned and kissed him. She felt all gross and sticky and really happy. They kissed some more and then Jade laid her head on his chest. Robbie ran his hands through her hair. _Final Destination_ was ending. Kerr Smith got taken out by a huge falling sign; it was very satisfying.

Robbie sat up. “Wait, was that the guy from Dawson’s Creek?”


	20. Chapter Twenty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> > “Robbie’s penis is so five minutes ago,” Cat said. She shook her notebook. “The Valentine’s Day dance is not five minutes ago, though! It’s in two and a half weeks!”
>> 
>> Robbie sighed. “I would rather discuss my penis.”
>> 
>> Andre made a disgusted face into his sandwich. “Man,” he said.
>> 
>> “Is it still in the Black Box?” Tori asked. “The dance, that is, not Robbie’s penis.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is probably my favorite chapter that I've written.

**Chapter Twenty**

 

Jade woke up the next morning to Robbie playing with her hair. She thought he might have a thing for her hair; he was always touching it and running his hands through it after he had discovered it didn’t make her mad.

Jade was all squished in his little bed and was facing the wall, facing a huge Day of the Dead poster. How many of the Dead movies were there? She stretched without turning around; Robbie was wrapping her long hair in a ponytail around his hand. “You dare wake me?” she asked. She didn’t sound that threatening; she was still very tired.

“It’s after nine,” Robbie said in a silly voice.

“Mm,” said Jade. She burrowed back into his pillow. Robbie released her hair. He started touching her back and Jade woke up a little more. She could tell he was tracing the scar on her back. She’d gotten up and showered late last night; Robbie’s mom’s bathroom was nice. Now she was wearing shorts and her favorite tank top that had the little blue flowers on it. She hadn’t thought about what she would look like in the morning.

The scar on her back was big and really ugly. It looked like a huge knife mark or a burn mark: it started in the center of her back and wound up over her left side, over her shoulder blade and her shoulder, almost going down into her collarbone. It was really gross, and hard to cover up. She couldn’t wear certain dresses or tank tops unless she wanted to cover it up. Jade went very still.

Robbie kept tracing the scar. “Is this, is this where your wing came off?” he said.

Jade blinked very slowly. “What?”

“When, you know, when you fell from heaven.”

“Oh my god,” said Jade. She flopped over and looked at him; Robbie was smiling. “You are such a moron. Are you calling me Lucifer?”

“God’s most beautiful angel,” Robbie said. He was still smiling but Jade could tell he was really curious.

“I’m not even, I truly can’t respond to that shitty pick up line this early,” Jade said. Certainly not on the weekend.

“I’m sorry, it was bad.” Robbie’s hair was really crazy in the morning. “You, I’ve never, I never saw that on you before. You had, last year at Prom, you had that really sparkly dress on.”

“I usually cover it up with makeup,” Jade told him. She was great at costume makeup. She could make things look really terrible; she could make her terrible body look better. “I can also do a really convincing dangling eyeball. You were looking at my back at Prom, Shapiro?”

She hadn’t called him Shapiro in a while, it felt better to say Robbie. Robbie blushed and rolled his eyes. “I looked at a lot of backs at Prom,” he said.

Jade rolled her eyes too. She felt weird and nervous; she didn’t want him to think she was ugly. It shouldn’t matter but she didn’t want him to think she was ugly. She wondered how long she’d been asleep while he’d been staring at her back and being horrified. “I didn’t get any wings ripped off,” she told him. “I was in a car accident.”

Robbie went very still looking at her. He said, “You ...” He said, “Oh my god. You were in the car with your brother. You didn’t tell me you were in the car.”

“It didn’t come up,” Jade lied.

“Oh my god, Jade,” said Robbie. He looked really upset. “I am so sorry. I had no idea. That’s why, is that why you don’t like to be on the highway?”

“I guess so. Also why I can’t drive. I’m a huge fucking baby.”

“No you’re not. Jade I am so sorry.”

Jade breathed in and out slow, looking at him. She needed him to stop apologizing to her. “It’s okay,” she said. “I have another one in the front, a scar I mean, it kind of goes up on my boob. I broke my arm in two places.” She raised her arm and waved it at him; it was her left arm and she had her stupid mood ring on her middle finger. “I had to get a pin in it.”

Robbie grabbed her arm and looked sad some more. “I am so sorry,” he said again. “Your arm looks great. You cannot tell there’s a pin in it.”

“Doesn’t hurt anymore. I look really gross.”

“No you don’t,” Robbie said. “You look amazing.”

“I don’t really like to talk about it.”

“Okay,” Robbie said immediately. “I’m sorry. What do you want to talk about? Do you want to get up? Do you want breakfast?”

Jade thought about it. She didn’t really want any of those things. “Do you think I’m ugly?”

Robbie stared at her like she was a crazy person. His bushy hair seemed to waggle in offense. He was still holding her arm. “No,” he said real slow, “you are not ugly. Do you really think that?”

Jade shrugged. She didn’t answer him.

“Oh my god! You are NOT ugly! “ Robbie told her. “You look like ROBIN TUNNEY.” He coughed. “As my mother said before! Not me.”

Jade smiled; she couldn’t help it. “Uh huh.”

“Also the scar is sexy, it makes you look dangerous. You are a sexy sexy lady.”

He had made her feel pretty sexy last night, she had to admit. Yet another thing she would have never expected to happen in her life, Robbie being sexy. Or making her feel sexy. But it was good. Jade smiled a little more. “Is your mom home yet?”

Robbie finally let go of her arm. He looked at the little clock on his dresser; it was almost eleven. “She is probably already back at work.”

“Hmm,” said Jade. “Now that we have both seen each other’s horribly scarred bodies, do you want to do more sexy stuff?”

Robbie grinned at her. He flopped over and pinned her against the mattress. “You are so awesome. Yes, let’s do more sexy stuff!” he yelled.

Jade started laughing. “Your hair is really awful.”

“Don’t look at my hair. Look into my eyes.”

“Oh my god,” Jade said, laughing. She put her hands on the side of his face and tried to look serious. “How many times do you think you can make me come before noon?”

The answer was four. Jade really hoped Alice wasn’t in her room next door. It was an amazing day.

 

At lunch on Monday Cat looked up as Robbie and Jade came over to the table and sat down. “Interesting, you guys did oral,” she said. “Who did who?”

Jade spit her soda out again and Robbie turned bright red. “Oh my god Cat, you need to stop doing that,” he yelled.

“Hmmm.” Cat looked back and forth between them. “Oh, I see it was mutual. That’s great, I am really happy for you guys.”

“Oooooooh my god,” said Robbie. He looked like he was going to faint. Jade managed to stop choking on her soda; she had forgotten about Cat’s weird talent.

“I wanted to tell you,” Jade said to Cat. “Robbie’s penis is bigger than Beck’s.”

“OH MY GOD,” said Robbie.

Cat beamed. “That is great information!” She wrote something down in her notebook; hopefully not about Robbie’s or Beck’s penises. “I am so happy for you.”

“Thank you,” said Jade.

“Oh my god,” said Robbie. “Please stop talking about this.”

“You should be proud,” Jade said. “Hmm. Actually, you should be really really proud.”

“I never knew you were well-endowed, Robbie.”

“Oh my god, oh my god,” said Robbie.

Lunch was so great. Jade held Robbie’s hand to calm him down and listened to Cat start going on about some Cat stuff. Andre came over with Tori and Robbie turned bright red again.

“PLEASE DON’T SAY ANYTHING ABOUT MY PENIS TO ANDRE OR TORI, CAT,” he said.

The girls that were sitting at the table next to them looked at him weird. Tori also looked at him weird; Andre didn’t look that bothered. “My god, Robbie!” said Tori. She looked like a ruffled owl. “Why would you say that in front of Jade?”

“Why would you say that in front of me, Robbie?” Jade asked him. “I thought we were going out.”

“Oh my god,” said Robbie.

Andre unwrapped his sandwich and started eating it.

“Robbie’s penis is so five minutes ago,” Cat said. She shook her notebook. “The Valentine’s Day dance is not five minutes ago, though! It’s in two and a half weeks!”

Robbie sighed. “I would rather discuss my penis.”

Andre made a disgusted face into his sandwich. “Man,” he said.

“Is it still in the Black Box?” Tori asked. “The dance, that is, not Robbie’s penis.” Jade almost laughed. “Sikowitz said we can use the set from Peter Pan for it if we want. Again, the dance, not Robbie’s penis.”

“Thank you, Tori!” Robbie said crankily.

Tori smiled at him. “Anyway, I … do not quite know why Sikowitz thinks we would want it. The set, not - ”

“ALL RIGHT,TORI!”

Cat looked thoughtful. “It might save some time. But probably not. Jade, I am going to need you to come and scream at people for me again, probably this week.”

“I can do that,” Jade said. She loved screaming at people. “Is there anything SinJin can harm himself building for this one?” She also loved SinJin harming himself.

Robbie looked sallow and was making his I Just Ate Four Sour Lemons face. “Do we, do we have to talk about the stupid dance?” he said.

“It ain’t stupid, you got a girlfriend now,” Andre said.

Robbie still looked sallow and lemon-y. “That’s not the point. I wouldn’t, I wouldn’t force Jade to go to the horrible horrible Valentine’s Day dance anyway.”

Jade felt pleased with him; she really didn’t like school dances. She knew there was a reason she had let him go down on her twice. “Thank you.” She said, “What is the point, though?”

“I forgot, Robbie hates Valentine’s Day!” Cat told her.

“I hate the whole month of February!” Robbie yelled. The girls at the next table were probably looking at him again.

“Oh yeah!” said Cat.

“Why do you hate the whole month?” Jade asked him. She was honestly curious. “What’s wrong with February?”

Tori looked like an annoying owl. “Isn’t your birthday in February, Robbie?”

“What?” said Robbie. “I don’t remember. I don’t even have a birthday. I’m a baby.”

Jade laughed at him. Then she frowned. She was a pretty shitty girlfriend. “Holy shit, I actually don’t know when your birthday is.”

“Because I do not have a birthday. I am a baby, wah wah wah.”

“That doesn’t even make any sense,” Jade said. She was still laughing at him.

“Can I tell her when your birthday is, Robbie?” Cat asked him.

Robbie looked very grumpy. “No!”

Cat beamed at the grumpiness. “His birthday is _on_ Valentine’s Day!” she said. “He should be Robbie Valentine and I should be Cat Shapiro.”

“Oh my god, your birthday is on Valentine’s Day?” Jade gasped.

“Yes, and it is always, always miserable.”

Cat patted his arm. “It’s not that bad, Robbie.”

Robbie gave her a Look. “Shall I regale you all with the tales?”

“Yes, I want to hear depressing Robbie Valentine stories!” said Tori. Everyone looked at her. “What? I can be curious too.”

Robbie started ticking off terrible Valentine’s Days on his left hand. “One, there was last year at the amazing and unfortunately named Cow Wow dance where I kissed Cat twice and she proceeded to spill punch on me twice and avoid me for two weeks. Bad things come in twos for me.”

Cat pouted exaggeratedly. “Sorry, Robbie.”

“Two, there was sophomore year when I came down with horrible chicken pox and only Beck came to visit me because you were all at the dance and Jade was at her father’s. He tried to put calamine lotion on my back; it was traumatic.”

“I did not know about the lotion,” Jade said. She was learning so much today.

“Freshman year was when that exchange student stood me up for yet another school dance. Eighth grade was when my parents were getting divorced and I struck out twice at little league and my dad laughed at me for not having a girlfriend.”

“What about Fat Amy?” Jade asked him.

“Long distance does not count!” Robbie told her. “Which is what she told me, at summer camp, when she also told me she had kissed two other boys, on Valentine’s Day!”

“Jesus,” said Jade.

“Fat Amy gets around,” said Cat.

“Wait. Who is Fat Amy?” Tori asked.

“Seventh grade was actually uneventful,” Robbie continued. “Sixth grade was when I gave Leanne Corwentski a Valentine and a box of chocolates and she came up to me in the lunch room and gave them back to me in front of the entire sixth, seventh, and eighth grade.”

The girls all gasped; even Andre raised his eyebrows a little. “She gave you your Valentine back?” Jade asked him, a little quietly. That was really mean.

Robbie seemed to realize that he was spouting out very personal and depressing information about himself. He turned very red. He looked really sad, too. It made Jade feel awful. “I was not exactly popular,” he said. “Also, Jade, you saw my headgear. That was prime sixth grade.”

Jade winced. “Well, do you want me to go to the dance with you this year?” she asked him.

“Ha!” said Robbie. He still looked red and sad and was trying to cover it up. “I do not need a pity date; it is fine. I know you hate school dances.”

“I really do,” said Jade.

“Guys!” said Cat. “This is a new start for both of you! Robbie, if I can get SinJin to let me play the music like I want, I can play our Backstreet Boys mix CD at the dance. You can show Jade the dance we made up to _It’s Gotta Be You_ in your room!”

Jade raised her eyebrows very high. “What?”

“CAT, WHY TELL JADE ABOUT THE PRIVATE THINGS WE DO IN MY ROOM?” Robbie yelled. The girls at the next table looked at him again.

“Why do you even know any Backstreet Boys songs?” Jade asked him. They were super old. She may or may not have known some songs, but that was because they had used to play them at her cheerleading practice.

“Our moms _love_ the Backstreet Boys,” Cat said. “They went on that BSB cruise like two years ago!”

“Huh.”

Robbie scowled. “My mom took me to the Black and Blue tour in 2003. It’s a really underrated album, okay?”

“Learning so, so much about you,” Jade said.

“We can do all the dances,” Cat continued.

“So, so much new info.”

Robbie scowled again. “I’m, I’m going to the art room!” he said. “You guys are all terrible. I’ll, I’ll see you after school Jade.” He squeezed her hand and wandered off. They hadn’t really kissed at school yet.

Everyone turned and stared at Jade. “Okay, you know Robbie is dying to go to this dance with you, right?” Tori said.

“Ugh,” said Jade. She said ‘ugh’ to everything Tori said; it was an automatic response and didn’t have anything to do with taking Robbie to the dance.

“You have to ask him!” Cat said. “He totally wants you to ask him to the dance and woo him. You would be so great at wooing him. He dances really great to _Everybody._ ”

“Oh my god,” said Tori. She started laughing. “I’m sorry, that is so good.”

Jade ignored horrible Tori making fun of her sad sweet red boyfriend. “I don’t know,” she said to Cat. “I really hate dances. He said he didn’t want to go.”

“He totally wants to go,” Cat and Tori said. Tori had managed to stop laughing finally. She was such a nasty person.

“He wants to go,” Andre said. He had been pretty quiet during the whole exchange of Robbie’s Horrible Birthday Month. He’d eaten three sandwiches. “Just ask the boy.”

“I don’t know,” Jade said. “I guess I can try.” She looked down the courtyard towards where Robbie had disappeared. She didn’t know if she could handle the amount of punch she’d have to drink if he danced to _Everybody_.

  



	21. Chapter Twenty-One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> > Jade scowled. “Do you want to come inside and see my brother?”
>> 
>> “Um,” said Robbie in great fear.
>> 
>> “Oh my fucking god!” said Jade. “A video of my brother, Robbie, you freak!”
>> 
>> “Oh,” Robbie said, not in great fear. “Oh. Oh. Sorry. Yes, yes I do.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I just updated, but I want to get these chapters out there. I'm going to be super busy with work this week and then it's my mom's birthday. Also had to put these chapters out so I can confer with my friend and make him help me with the ending (we still have quite a few chapters, don't worry, six readers of mine!). Enjoy!

* * *

**Chapter Twenty-One**

 

The week went by fast and it was Thursday before Jade knew it.

It was fun having a boyfriend again, for the most part. She and Robbie still didn’t really kiss at school or even hold hands, but he walked her and Cat to English now; carried Jade’s books to lunch for her like it was the 1950s. Jade liked it being the 1950s. Robbie was pretty cute when he was happy. He was a weird combination of moody and happy; he had insane self-esteem issues. He had not mentioned the Valentine’s Day dance aside from to grouse about it, but Jade was thinking about it. She guessed she could suffer through it for Robbie; she just had to think of a way to ask him without him screaming that it was a pity date.

It was after school and Jade was waiting out in the hallway for him. He was down in the art room again and she hadn’t felt like walking across the whole school. She was looking at her phone because Cat had sent her some stupid chain email and when she looked up Rider Daniels was standing in front of her.

Jade narrowed her eyes at him. “What do you want?”

Rider stared back at her. He had a weird expression on his face; she couldn’t tell if he was pissed off or gleeful. He had a really annoying face. “Are you seriously going out with Robbie Shapiro?” Rider asked.

“Yep,” Jade said shortly.

“I didn’t even think you knew him.”

“I know him well enough,” Jade said. She had no clue why Rider was bothering her, talking to her. “What are you doing, don’t you have more lies to spread about me?”

Rider glared at her. He opened his mouth to say something, then closed it. She had no clue what the fuck he was doing.

Beck and Robbie were walking down the hall together towards them; Jade hadn’t even seen them come up. She raised her eyebrows very high and tried not to feel weird standing with Rider, Robbie, and Beck. She had touched all three of their penises. Life sucked.

Beck and Robbie looked at each other. “Think there’s a reason why this huge creep is talking to our good friend Jade?” Beck asked Robbie.

“No, I don’t think so,” said Robbie. He raised his voice a little. “You can go away now,” he said to Rider.

Rider glared at him too. “Whatever,” he said. He started walking away. Beck and Robbie looked almost intimidating standing together and glaring, it was kind of cool.

“Bye,” said Beck. “Go tell lies about some other girl. Actually don’t because that’s really shitty.”

“Not all lies,” Rider said without turning around.

“Was he bothering you?” Robbie asked her.

“His mere existence bothers me,” Jade said. “What are you guys doing together?”

Beck had a weird look on his face, probably because of Rider. “Just talking,” he said. “Robbie and I are going to go to a Bring Me the Horizon concert next month, it is not going to be awkward at all.”

“Ha ha,” said Robbie. Beck smiled.

“See you guys later.” He punched Robbie on the arm like a guy, touched Jade’s shoulder and went past them out the school.

Jade made a little face. “I forgot about you and your boy music,” she said to Robbie.

“Yeah.” Robbie gave her a kind of tight smile, it looked weird on him. “Do you, do you want to go?”

“Sure,” Jade said. “Want to do something before work?”

“Okay.” Robbie smiled the weird tight smile again.

Jade watched him as they walked out of the school and headed towards his car. “You okay?”

“Yeah. Sure.” Robbie opened up his car door without looking at her. Jade got into the car and kept staring at him.

“Seriously.”

“It’s, it’s, I’m fine.” He smiled at her again and started the car up. “What do you want to do.”

“Is this about Rider or something?” Jade asked him. She felt weirdly fearful of Robbie finding out about the real true handjob she had given Rider. It shouldn’t be a big deal, but she was scared of him finding out and judging her. She didn’t want a stupid handjob at the end of July to ruin what she had with Robbie.

“No, nope. Nothing, it’s fine.”

“Okay,” Jade said flatly. She looked out past the dashboard as Robbie drove. She didn’t even know where they were going.

Robbie drove slowly, which she usually appreciated but now felt weird about. He kept making little faces as he drove; she didn’t even think he knew he was doing it. After about six minutes of silent face-making, Jade burst out, “Dude, seriously?!”

“Augh!” said Robbie, startled. “What?”

“What are you mad about? Seriously.”

“I’m not, I’m not really mad. It doesn’t matter,” Robbie said in a weird voice.

“Did I do something to you?” Jade demanded.

“No!” said Robbie, almost yelled. Jade blinked at him, surprised. “I, you, it doesn’t matter. Actually you are gonna get mad at me if I say it.”

Oh god, it was the handjob. “What?” Jade snapped.

“See, you, you are already mad.”

“Oh my god, Robbie,” Jade said loudly.

“Okay, okay!” he yelped. “Look, so I, I was talking to Beck about you.”

“Greeeeeeat,” said Jade.

“No! Not like that! I mean, Beck said, like, he was happy for you and me, we just talked about you for like two minutes. I was, I said, I’m sorry, I said that I had never known about you and your brother.” His voice got flat and weird. “And he told me you didn’t have a brother.”

Jade stared at him. She didn’t say anything.

After a moment Robbie kept talking. “I mean, I don’t, it doesn’t matter. I didn’t think, I guess I just don’t understand – “

“So do you believe him?” Jade asked. She felt a little enraged and she also felt a lot of nothingness.

“No!” Robbie said. “I mean, no? Maybe? I just, I don’t understand.”

“That’s cool,” Jade said flatly. “You can just take me home.”

Robbie frowned hugely; he gripped the steering wheel and looked at her. “Jade,” he said. “I just don’t – why did you tell me you had a brother?”

“I DO HAVE A BROTHER!” Jade screamed. He was dead.

Robbie was startled into silence. After a long moment of him driving, he said softly, “Sorry.”

Jade couldn’t answer him. She looked out the window; at least he was driving to her house like she’d asked. Her head hurt. She couldn’t believe that Robbie believed Beck over her. It was another thing she would have screamed her head off about maybe even a couple months ago; now she just felt sad and tired.

“Jade,” Robbie said. “I’m really sorry. I just, I didn’t understand, I felt stupid.”

“I just never told Beck about my brother,” Jade said. Her voice sounded hollow. It sounded so stupid to say out loud.

“I just figured that out,” Robbie told her. “I am really sorry. I didn’t understand how he didn’t know about Wyatt and I did. You guys went out for two years.”

It weirdly hurt to have Robbie say Wyatt’s name.

“I never talk about my brother,” Jade told him. “Like, never. You don’t know everything. I was really messed up for a long time. I mean, I killed him. I – “

“You didn’t kill him!” Robbie said.

“I got him killed, whatever. I got my brother killed and fucked up my whole family. I acted like a piece of shit for years and my parents got divorced because of it; they couldn’t deal with me. My dad hates me. I got kicked out of two other middle schools because of it. I failed out. I told Beck about the car accident; I couldn’t tell him about my brother. I lied and said my dad was in the car. Then it got weird, like junior year, what the fuck was I supposed to say to him?”

“I am so sorry,” Robbie said. “Jade, I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have, I shouldn’t ever listen to Beck.”

“No shit,” Jade said. They were almost to her house.

Robbie parked and sat there staring at her. Jade looked out at her yard. “Do you, are you, do you forgive me? Are we breaking up?”

“Oh my god,” said Jade. “No, I don’t know. No, we’re not breaking up. But I am mad at you,” she told him. She scowled. “Do you want to come inside and see my brother?”

“Um,” said Robbie in great fear.

“Oh my fucking god!” said Jade. “A video of my brother, Robbie, you freak!”

“Oh,” Robbie said, not in great fear. “Oh. Oh. Sorry. Yes, yes I do.”

“Fine,” Jade bit out. She opened the car door and started out across her tiny lawn. She could already tell her mom wasn’t home, thankfully. Robbie hurried after her; he stood awkwardly while she got out her keys and unlocked the house.

“Do you want something to drink?” she snapped.

“No, I’m fine.”

“Fine,” Jade snapped. She went into her room. Robbie followed her.

Jade sighed; she tried to calm down. She knew she probably shouldn’t be so pissed off at Robbie. She had dated Beck for two years and it was weird as hell that she hadn’t told him about Wyatt. She had barely even been able to say her brother’s name freshman year. He’d been dead for three years then and she still had nightmares, still felt all the glass cutting into her back. She still saw her brother reaching behind himself from the driver’s seat, like he could protect her from the truck that was coming at them.

“Okay,” she said. “I am fine now, I’m less mad.”

“I don’t know,” Robbie said warily.

Jade sat down on her floor and pulled her laundry basket with Wyatt’s stuff out from under her bed. She had put the tapes and DVDs that her father had given her at Christmas time in there. She looked through the DVDs. The videos were out unless she wanted to take them to Robbie’s house to use his VCR and look at her dead brother as she ate pizza with Alice. She picked Cheer Battles 2006 out. Wyatt had wrote the title on the DVD; he had big blocky handwriting.

Jade got it set up in her DVD player and turned her tiny little tv on. She sat down on her bed; Robbie stared at her and then sat down too. “You ready for this?”

“I think so.”

Jade clicked play on the DVD. It started up immediately. The camera was swinging around; Jade remembered her middle school gym. People were talking and laughing.

The camera shook like crazy and then zoomed in on Wyatt’s huge face, unfocused. It zoomed out and he came into focus. He glared severely into the camera; his black hair fell into his eyes. Then he grinned like a dork.

“Oh my god, your brother was Keanu Reeves?” Robbie said from beside her. Jade almost smiled.

Wyatt zoomed the camera in and out on his face for a few seconds. He said, “Kristen, is this thing really on?”

“I think so,” Wyatt’s girlfriend Kristen said from off camera.

“Oh. Shit.” Wyatt zoomed out again; you could see most of him and also Kristen’s pale skinny arm. You could see the cuts on part of her forearm; Jade stared at Robbie to see if he noticed, but his expression didn’t change.

Wyatt was wearing his A Perfect Circle shirt (from _Mer De Noms_ , not _eMotive_ ; Wyatt said _eMotive_ was shit) and his leather jacket. “Okay, it’s April 5th, 2006,” he said loudly. “I am here videotaping Jade kicking ass here at Bayview North Central. It is 4:45 pm and I do not know how to work this.”

Robbie laughed. It made Jade smile. She was surprised she could smile. She had never watched these DVDs and it was insane to see her brother, talking and laughing and not dead. The leather jacket was the one he’d died in.

Wyatt turned the camera around so that it was facing out past the bleachers. The opposing team was doing their startup routine. “This is not Jade’s team,” Wyatt said in a loud serious voice. “This is so boring. This is Northridge, and we hate Northridge. WE HATE NORTHRIDGE!” he yelled.

“Oh my gosh!” Kristen was gasping. “You can’t do this, why are you so competitive? Give me the camera.” Wyatt was laughing at her. The camera shook for another few minutes; Kristen was taking it from him. It focused on him for a few minutes, watching the girls do their cheers. Wyatt grinned when he noticed the camera on him.

“Do I look like a huge creep?” he asked Kristen.

“Pretty creepy, babe.”

“Oh my god, your brother looks so insanely cool in his leather jacket and rock shirt,” Robbie told Jade. “I am understanding everything about you.”

Jade laughed. “I’m going to fast forward a little. You ready to see Baby Jade in a super short skirt?”

“Absolutely!”

Jade fast-forwarded the DVD until her team came out; the camera shook like crazy as Wyatt took it back from Kristen. Jade and her teammates were coming out in a line. Wyatt’s deep voice boomed out again. “There’s Jade in the front, because she is the best. Jesus Christ, look at what they make them wear.”

“Silent narration, Wyatt,” Kristen said from offscreen.

“JAAAAAANE!” yelled Wyatt. “NUMBER TWELVE! JANE DOE!”

Little Jade looked up and scowled, then beamed.

“Oh my god,” said Jade now. “Look at my fucking eyebrows.”

“You are so cute,” Robbie said. “Oh my god. Jane Doe?”

“Jade, sounds like Jane, joke about my mom being too doped up in the hospital to write Jane. He always called me that.”

“That’s really cute.”

“We were really cute,” Jade said, rolling her eyes. “Ooh, I’m about to do a flip.”

On screen, little Jade did a flip and then a handspring dismount. The people in the bleachers clapped out and appreciatively; Wyatt and Kristen cheered. “GO BAYVIEW!” yelled Wyatt.

“We are about to do a weirdly sexy dance to Toxic by Britney Spears,” Jade told Robbie. “Should I fast forward?”

Robbie laughed. “No, no, I want to see!” After a few minutes he made a weird face. “Okay, this is kind of making me feel weird and sweaty; you are _really_ young.”

Jade fast-forwarded it; it actually looked even worse sped up. Robbie kept making horrible faces that made her laugh. She hit play again after the routines were over. The kids were dispersing and breaking off towards their families.

Little Jade (she could not think of herself as Baby Jade; it was too creepy) was holding her pompoms and talking to one of the girls on her team. Wyatt and Kristen were yelling for her. “JADE, YOU WERE GREAT.”

Little Jade looked up and scowled. She started running up the bleachers. “WHY’D YOU YELL ALL THAT STUFF, ASSMUNCH?” she yelled.

“AHHH!” said Wyatt. The camera shook like crazy; Jade had jumped on him. Kristen took the camera and beamed into it. “Again, April 5th, 2006!” she said. “They are about to kill each other!” The screen went black.

Robbie looked at her. He had a hint of a smile on his face, but he wasn’t really fully smiling. “So that was your brother.”

“Yep.”

“He seemed great.”

“Yep, he was cool.”

Robbie smiled at her, then frowned. “I am really sorry that I didn't believe you. I mean, I didn’t not believe you. I mean - “

“It’s okay, dude.” She was tired of talking.

They sat on her bed for another moment. They’d never made out in Jade’s room before; she kind of doubted they ever would. Robbie fiddled with his hands, looking at her. “Do you … want to watch another?”

Jade hesitated. “Really?”

“Sure. Have you watched them a lot since your dad gave them to you?”

“No.” She hadn’t watched them at all.

“Oh. Then yeah! We should put another on!”

“Okay,” Jade said. She put in Christmas 2005 and 2006. 


	22. Chapter Twenty-Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> > “We should have sex,” Jade said.
>> 
>> Robbie stared at her; his hand was still in her underwear. “You want to have sex with me?” He said it like she’d said she wanted to go hot air-ballooning with him, completely incredulous.
>> 
>> “I don’t have any diseases; my mom and I went to the clinic together in August. It was a fun mother daughter day.”
>> 
>> “Oh, my god,” said Robbie still in the hot air-balloon voice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sex warning again.

**Chapter Twenty-Two**

 

Over the weekend Jade and Robbie had sex and then she asked him to the Valentine’s Day dance. Both acts went pretty well; Jade was fucking amazed.

It was the first day of February. It was Saturday night and Jade was staying over at Robbie’s house again. She liked staying over at his house; she was going to have to try hard not to do it too much.

She was glad to be with Robbie. She’d been waiting for the weekend. For the first half the week he’d been kind of sad and sulky after his I Hate February outburst and she hadn’t known what to do with him. He was so emo. He still gave her rides and laughed at her when she sang along to the radio and he made her a sandwich twice at his house (Monday and Wednesday) but he was so emo. She’d never had an emo boyfriend before. She would have to figure it out.

Then it had been Thursday and there was the fight, sort of fight, Robbie being stupid, about her brother. She had had to take most of Friday to really forgive him, even though he’d watched two DVDs of her brother with her. She knew she probably would not have watched them alone. She thought even still that the moral of the story was that Beck sucked.

Anyway it was Saturday and she did forgive him, Robbie that was (she would never forgive Beck for being Beck). Craig had made them both work horrible hours – 8 to 4 – because Maria was out again and Stella was having foot surgery. Emily and Robbie kept exaggeratedly mourning the loss of Stella which was so stupid and had made Jade laugh. “STELLAAAAA,” said Robbie and Emily. Craig looked at them weird. They had a new college girl named Tobi that Jade was training; Tobi was the coolest name ever.

“Jade’s the coolest name ever,” Robbie said when Jade told him this. “Or Jane.” He had taken her to her house and sat awkwardly in her room while she had showered and gotten more clothes. Her mom hadn’t been home once again; Jade knew she didn’t want to be alone. Now they were at Robbie’s in the privacy of his tiny bedroom. She was sitting on his bed, not awkwardly. It was more of a sexy sprawl. Robbie was fiddling with the remote on his tiny TV. He got an extra blanket out of his closet and tossed it on Jade, even though it was barely past five and they hadn’t eaten dinner or anything yet.

“Not Heaven?” Jade said.

Robbie laughed. “Do you, would you rather me call you that?”

“Nope!” Jade said. “Come over here and kiss me.”

“Yes ma’am.”

They started making out; they had been waiting to make out. _Curse of Chucky_ was on the TV but Robbie was actually not watching it. Robbie loved Chucky and thought he was hilarious; Jade tolerated him feeling this way. Chucky did not compare to making out apparently. “Where’s Alice?”

“At my horrible father’s.”

“Oh. You didn’t go with her to your dad’s?”

“She’ll be back tonight, she wanted him to go to a thing at her school. Craft thing. Do you want me to go to my dad’s?”

“Nope,” said Jade. They kissed some more. Robbie got her out of her sweater. He got her out of her tank top too. Her bra was fancy; she had bought it with Cat on Tuesday. It was way more fun to buy underwear with a friend and not grumpy and by yourself or online.

Jade loved Robbie’s hands on her; she had been waiting all week. He was always so careful and also super eager and she wanted him a lot. She had been to his house a few times during the week but Alice was usually there; there was Dawson’s Creek to watch and they didn’t want to ignore Alice. Some things were more important than third base. Very few things but still. Alice was so invested in Pacey and Andie; she thought Joey was a huge meanie. Joey was a huge meanie and Jade didn’t have the heart to tell Alice that Andie was gonna fucking cheat on Pacey.

Jade unbuttoned Robbie’s jeans. It wasn’t fair; she was in her bra and underwear and he still had all his clothes on. Robbie was kissing her neck and it felt so good. Her body kept doing this weird quivering thing when he would kiss right under her ear. She’d been wet before he even took her sweater off; she was so pathetic and undersexed.

Robbie was great at doing sexy stuff; it was so surprising. She had told him what she liked; she kind of thought that Robbie got off on being told what to do. He was always so needy and eager to please. Jade enjoyed being pleased so it worked. Right now Robbie had two fingers in her and she was trying not to moan. She couldn’t believe you could tell someone what you wanted and they’d do it. Communication, it was amazing.

Robbie was also amazing. He was fucking her with his fingers. He was going very slow and kind of hard like she wanted. She had one hand on the back of his neck and one in his lap and was still trying not to moan; it was kind of working. She said, “Hey, do you have a condom?”

Robbie went very still. Even his fingers in her went still; he was a terrible person. “Do I have a, why would I have a. Do you want me to have a.”

“We should have sex,” Jade said.

Robbie stared at her; his hand was still in her underwear. “You want to have sex with me?” He said it like she’d said she wanted to go hot air-ballooning with him, completely incredulous.

“I don’t have any diseases; my mom and I went to the clinic together in August. It was a fun mother daughter day.”

“Oh, my god,” said Robbie still in the hot air-balloon voice.

“Dude, it was AIDs awareness month. My mom is big on sexual health.”

“You, I bet she, that does not surprise me.”

They needed to stop talking about her mother; it was going to dry her up. Robbie took his hand out of her underwear. Jade said, “So do you have condoms?” She didn’t know if he would.

Robbie, surprise, turned red. “You, yes, I have condoms. I bought them at MallMart.”

Jade started laughing at Robbie buying condoms at MallMart. “Was Alice there, did she scream at you.”

Robbie looked red and annoyed at her, which was not nice since they were maybe about to have sex. “Yes, I said to her Alice, baby sister, confidant who would never tell my mother anything, should I get ribbed for Jade’s pleasure or lubricated! No Alice wasn’t there! I used the self checkout!” Jade laughed some more. “You are making me feel so great, I can’t even tell you.”

“I’m sorry.” Jade needed to stop laughing. She put her hands in his stupid hair and kissed him. “You’re really funny, babe. Where are they?” She’d discovered she could get Robbie to do a ton of stuff if she called him a cute nickname; she might even be able to get him to fuck her.

“Conveniently right beside us in my dresser for easy access,” Robbie told her. “In case you became overcome and needed to sleep with me, ha ha, I figured you would, I am really hot.”

He was pretty hot; she didn’t think she had told him. “You are such a smart man.”

Robbie got tears in his eyes. He could cry on command; it was a huge talent of his during school plays. “You called me a man!”

“Oh my god dude, don’t do that right now.”

Robbie laughed a lot. He put his arms around her and pulled her closer to him on the bed; they were so close. They kissed some more. He gathered her hair up away from her face; he pulled her on top of him. He was pretty hot. Jade kissed him. She bit his mouth and his neck; she loved his neck; he really did have great shoulders. She unzipped his jeans and pulled them off. His boxers were pink and had donuts on them, it was about what she expected. She climbed back on him and kissed him some more. He was so hard and kept sighing into her mouth; she loved the sounds he made. She started tugging at his boxers.

“Okay are we really doing this?” Robbie said. “Okay. Okay we are really doing this. Cool cool cool cool. Okay.”

“Only if you want to,” Jade said.

Robbie laughed loudly which he did when he was nervous. He was fumbling around in his drawer. “Only if I want to! Hahaha!” he said. He had found the condom; he leaned up and kissed her.

“Do you want to?”

“Yes. Yes. Do you want to?”

“Yep,” said Jade. They kissed some more; Robbie helped her take her underwear off.

“Oh my god,” he said. He was touching her really slow again. He made her feel so hot; she couldn’t believe she was getting her sexual awakening or whatever from Robbie Shapiro. Jade took the condom from him. She pulled his boxers off and climbed back on top of him.

“Oh my god,” Robbie said again. “Okay, cool cool, you want to be on top? Okay. Cool cool cool. That is not a fantasy at all. Okay. Okay.”

Jade was trying to get the condom open; he was making her laugh too much. She needed to get back on birth control immediately. “Oh my god, can you stop?”

“Sorry. I will be a silent partner, I will be so quiet.”

“Mm. If only.”

Robbie smiled at her. He made an amazing face when she rolled the condom on him. “You are so awesome; that would have taken me like six minutes and you’d be downstairs eating a Hot Pocket already.”

Jade started laughing. It was so great, laughing before you had sex. Her heart was pounding in a weird way, but she wasn’t even that nervous. She just wanted him. She wanted him. She shoved him back on the bed; Robbie wiggled up a little so that he was kind of sitting up with the pillow against his back. It was a little awkward for a second as she found a good spot on his hips. She needed to get into better shape. Her legs were going to be killing her later.

Jade was holding his dick; the condom was a little weirdly slippery, probably that was a good thing. She was guiding him into herself and was about to finally fucking get him in her when Robbie reached out and covered her hand with his own. “Jade,” he said. He sounded serious.

Jade froze with the tip of his penis inside her and both their hands covering it. She was very fearful. If he got weird now and told her to stop she was definitely going to have a huge complex for the rest of her life. “What, what.”

Robbie grinned at her. His eyes were shining and he looked so good. He slid his hand off of hers and put it on her hip. “Are you ready for the best twenty seconds of your life.”

Jade started laughing.

It was more than twenty seconds. It felt so good to get fucked while you were laughing; she should have tried this before. Robbie was pretty big but it didn’t hurt when he slid into her like she had worried it might. She knew it wasn’t supposed to hurt but she hadn’t had sex in a long time; she thought it might hurt. She guided him inside of her and it did not hurt, it felt fucking awesome. Robbie held her hips really hard; he only moved a little, making sure she was okay. He was so fucking awesome.

“Oh my god we’re having sex,” Robbie said, because he could not shut up ever. He still had his Cathullu shirt on and she had her fancy bra on and they probably looked silly. “Are you okay?”

“Questioning all my life choices up until this moment,” Jade said.

Robbie laughed. He shifted his hips up and it felt so good. He was actually fucking her; Jade could not talk. “That could actually be misconstrued as a compliment, in my weird brain, I am going to take it.”

“Mmm,” said Jade. He was saying a lot of words; it was too many words for when you were having sex. She managed to say, “Less talking?”

“Right, silent partner. Okay. Stoic and silent.” Jade laughed again.

It was more than twenty seconds but it wasn’t that long, maybe four or five minutes. She didn’t know how long it was. It was a good amount of time; Jade didn’t like it when sex took too long. She was probably just fucked up and super unromantic. They moved together; it was a little awkward but not bad. Robbie’s bed was squeaky which made them laugh. Robbie touched her hip; he ran his hands over her stomach and touched her breasts over her fancy bra. “You have to tell me what to do,” he said. “Can you, can you come like this?”

Jade put her hand over his and guided it down her stomach. He kept his finger on her clit and kept fucking her. He was not really a silent partner or very stoic. “You are so pretty,” he said. “Oh my god. You are so amazing.”

“Mmm,” said Jade. She was mostly tuning out his soppy shit. She felt kind of overwhelmed; she felt really good right now and everything almost felt like it was too much. It felt like too much and she was going to tell Robbie to move his hand away, but then she came pretty suddenly and it was fucking awesome. Then it really was too much and she did move his hand away. She wondered if she had a really stupid orgasm face.

“Sorry,” Robbie said. He put his hand back on her hip. “Sorry, sorry.” Then he made a great face and came too; she was pretty sure he came at least. He clutched her hips really hard and then stopped moving. Jade climbed off him and collapsed on his little bed next to him. “Sorry,” Robbie said for the eightieth time. “Was that really bad or okay? Do you, do you want, do you want me to get you off?”

“Stop apologizing for fucking me,” Jade said. It was a great effort to say that many words; she had just came. “I already came, dude.”

“OH YOU DID?” said Robbie. She’d broken his volume button again. “OKAY YOU DID. I WASN’T SURE.”

“You did, right?” He had stopped moving, but it was hard to tell with the condom and all. Which was still on his penis. Jade made a discreet face and covered them both with his blanket.

“YEP, YEP, YES I DID.”

“Mmkay. We need a code word.”

“HAHAHAHA,” said Robbie. “ARE WE GOING TO DO IT AGAIN.”

“Robbie, please. Less volume.”

“OKAY. Okay. Okay. Whew.”

Jade laughed at him saying whew. She felt really good. Also gross and sticky; being a girl sucked at times. She laid there all sticky and only in her bra for a few minutes. Robbie let her lay on him; she thought he looked pretty happy. She ran her hand through his hair and he looked even happier. She loved his stupid hair.

Gross! Jade recoiled at herself; mostly internally. Why the fuck was she thinking that she loved Robbie’s crazy sheep-sheared hair? It was those post-orgasm hormones; they clearly made her a crazy person. This was the shit that made people think they wanted to get married. Jade smacked Robbie in the chest, annoyed at herself. “Hey! Go to the dance with me.”

“Augh!” said Robbie. He looked startled; he was probably not expecting to be smacked in the chest or asked to the dance. “You, what? What?”

“Cat’s stupid Valentine’s Day dance,” Jade told him patiently. “I want you to take me.”

“Hahahaha,” said Robbie. “No you don’t. You do not have to do that.”

“No, I do really want to go,” Jade lied. It was only a half-lie, honestly. She had hated to go to the dances at school with Beck because she hadn’t had any friends of her own and Beck’s cool-people friends were boring. Now she had Cat as a friend, sort of Andre too. Cat was crazy and was actually organizing the dance so it would be fun to watch her freak out. Robbie also might be kind of fun at the dance, as long as the Backstreet Boys didn’t play.

Robbie looked deeply doubtful. “Really?”

“Yeah. It’ll be,” Jade thought about it, “fun,” she said unconvincingly. Robbie laughed at her. “Shut the fuck up, it’ll be interesting. Cat wants us to go. Are you seriously not going to take me?”

“Oh my god,” said Robbie, almost in the hot air balloon voice. “You really want to go with me?”

“We just had sex, I’m in a good mood,” Jade said. “This offer expires in six minutes.”

“Oh my god. Okay. Okay okay we can go to the dance. If you want. I guess it will be okay. Okay.”

“Okay okay,” Jade said. Then she grinned at him. “I have to go to the bathroom, can you take the condom off of yourself, it is horrifying. Your dick looks like a flobberworm.”

Robbie was laughing at her Harry Potter reference as she hopped off the bed and looked for her underwear. Dear god, she would never find them. Then she did, they were flung on Einstein's heating lamp. _Oh my god,_ she said like Robbie inside her head. She put her underwear on; they were warm from the heating lamp. She put her shorts on that she’d packed and a new shirt and ran to the bathroom to clean up. When she was done Robbie was coming out of his room; he had put his jeans on and hopefully disposed of the condom.

They went downstairs together. Alice was home and was sitting in the living room with her feet kicked up on the coffee table and scowling. The Dawson’s Creek credits were rolling on screen, Jade recognized the terrible font. Alice flopped her head back on the couch and glared at Jade and Robbie.

Jade and Robbie exchanged a horrified glance. “Alice!” Robbie said. “When did you get home?!”

“Like an hour ago!” Alice said. She looked very upset. Jade and Robbie exchanged another horrified glance; Jade hoped that Alice had not heard Robbie’s bed squeaking. Alice scowled some more. “Jade!” she said.

“Alice,” Jade said. Hopefully not in great fear.

Alice screwed her face up. “ANDIE’S HAIR IS SO STUPID NOW,” she said. “WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME SHE CHEATED ON PACEY.”

Oh thank god. Jade came and sat down beside her on the couch. “I didn’t know how to say it,” she said.

“I can’t believe this,” Alice said. She looked even more upset; she made a huge sad face that Jade smiled at. “Is this what high school is really like? What are we eating for dinner? How many episodes are on?”

Dawson’s Creek was on until nine o’clock; they had three more hours. Robbie made them some pasta. Jade tried to console Alice.

 


	23. Chapter Twenty-Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> > Jade stopped hitting him; she was still laughing though. “You got me a Valentine?”
>> 
>> Robbie started digging through his huge backpack. “I made you a Valentine, it is a macaroni card. I will present it to you now right after you told me you got fries with another man.”

**Chapter Twenty-Three**

The two weeks until the dance went by and things were going pretty good. They were pretty good and not great because of two things. One was that Mom’s boyfriend Danny was over at Jade’s pretty much all the time now and it really sucked and bothered her. She didn’t know what had happened to boyfriend #1 or #2; it was all Danny all the time. She couldn’t even say a single thing to her mom or even cook dinner because Danny was there all the time.

Two was that Robbie kept acting really fucking annoying and stupid, not all the time but sometimes. He was acting like she was going to dump him basically. He said his stupid self-deprecating shit all the time and told her pretty much every day that they didn’t have to go to the dance. He was really insecure and it bothered her a lot.

Jade was griping to Cat about it at lunch one day. Robbie’d been his weird self all morning and then had run off to be weird and alone in the art room. He hadn’t been like this before they’d gotten together; Jade didn’t get it. He should be happy. He should be more secure! She’d held his hand in the science museum! She guessed he thought that having sex and seeing her big scar and her seeing his scars meant nothing to her. It didn’t mean nothing, it meant a lot. He annoyed her so much. “I don’t understand why he does this stupid shit. We’ve already had sex, I don’t know why he keeps yelling that I’m going to dump him. We had sex _yesterday._ ”

Cat was eating the hugest cookie Jade had ever seen in her life; it had not come from the lunch truck. “I can tell.”

“Uuuuugh,” said Jade. “Did I ever tell you you’re a creep?” Cat smiled; she had chocolate on her teeth. “Why does he do this shit? You speak Robbie’s robot language, why does he do it.”

“It’s his February syndrome, he will probably get better after his birthday. He really does not have the best track record with girls on his birthday. Or anything on his birthday. Or anything in his life.” Cat looked thoughtful. “I think he really wants to go to the dance with you but also really doesn’t want to go to the dance with you. The dance is a huge deal to him.”

Jade scowled. She’d been helping Cat with decorations practically every day so she didn’t have to be at home with Mom and Danny. It was going to look fucking cheesy and awesome. Jade had made twelve giant paper mache hearts just yesterday; Cat had let her make three of them black and glittery. They were going to the goddamn dance. “We’re going to the goddamn dance.”

“It’s his February syndrome! He told me he had this nightmare three times that you were going to give him his Valentine back to him at the dance like Leanne Corwentski.”

Jade scowled even more. Leanne Corwentski was a fucking bitch, wherever she was. Also, “He didn’t tell me that. Why the fuck does he tell you about his Valentine’s Day nightmares?”

“I’m the best friend and comic relief,” said Cat. She kept eating her cookie. “Hmmm, former love interest too.” She made herself laugh; Jade rolled her eyes. “Let’s go dress shopping next week? It’ll be right before the dance but we have to go then, Macy’s is having a sale.” Cat was obsessed with going to Macy’s when they had a sale.

Jade was dreading going to Macy’s and looking at dresses. Before, she’d had her mom to help her cover up her back and shoulder. Now her mom was drunk all the time, even more than last year. “Sure, whatever.”

The week went by and Friday was Valentine’s Day and Robbie’s birthday. Jade took the bus early at 6am to go to his house. She had asked Mrs. Shapiro if she could come over early in the morning for Robbie’s birthday three days ago on Tuesday. Robbie had been in the living room playing Apples to Apples with Alice and screaming that she was cheating. He was so stupid, there was no way to cheat at Apples to Apples.

Jade had felt really stupid and weird asking Mrs. Shapiro if she could come over to surprise her son at like 7am on his birthday. She felt so stupid immediately after she asked. “Nevermind,” she said before Mrs. Shapiro could even answer. They were making dinner together; Jade thought it was amazing that Robbie had a mom that could cook a dinner that wasn’t just noodles or TV dinners. “It’s a stupid idea. It’s not important. I just want him to have a good birthday. He has been super annoying all week. I don’t actually need to come over. Also we totally don’t have sex or anything. Not coming over.”

Robbie’s mom smiled; she graciously ignored Jade blurting out that she and Robbie did not have sex (three other times now, and they were getting better each time). “I’ll give you our spare key, Jade,” she said. “I have to go into work at six so I won’t be here.” She wiped her hands on a dishtowel and hugged Jade. “You are a such sweetheart, it’s nice that you want to surprise him. I know he has been super annoying all week. He has been annoying me and Alice as well.”

Robbie had the best mom in the world; Jade would be so jealous, if Robbie’s mom wasn’t also awesome to her. She used the spare key to get into the Shapiros’. Robbie’s mom had left the top lock unlocked for her. She ran upstairs and then tried to walk quietly in the hallway. She hoped Robbie wasn’t masturbating or doing gross boy stuff. She threw open his bedroom door and jumped on his bed.

“AUGH!” Robbie said. He’d been sleeping. “I SAID I DIDN’T KNOW WHAT WAS IN THE CAT FOOD, PLEASE DON’T TAKE MY TEETH!” Then he blinked and said, “Jade? What are you doing here?” He was fumbling around for his glasses.

Jade was laughing at him. “Dude, were you having a weird Robbie dream again? Who was taking your teeth?”

“THE COMMUNISTS AS ALWAYS!” Robbie jammed his glasses on his face. “What are, what you doing here? Oh my god am I late for school? Oh my god this is perfect, what a great day – “

Jade covered his mouth with her hands. “HAPPY BIRTHDAY!” she yelled to shut him up. “I’m surprising you because it’s your birthday!”

Robbie looked overwhelmed. “You are? Oh my god are you dumping me? How did you get in here?”

“Your mom gave me a key,” Jade said, rolling her eyes. “I’m not dumping you, you piece of shit, I have presents for you.”

“Happy birthday, you piece of shit, you are such a romantic girlfriend.”

Jade laughed at him. She felt happy even though it was only six-fifteen and she was not in her bed. She was in Robbie’s bed, at least. She shoved his presents at him. She had gotten him three Green Day cassettes and a hoodie that had a huge tree on the back. It had kind of reminded her of his tree turning into the candles painting. She made him put the hoodie on; she had known it would fit him. Einstein was splashing about in annoyance in his little pond; they had woken him up. “Do you like it?”

“This is the best, where did you find this stuff? I love – I love it, can I play the tapes in my car?”

Jade leaned over and kissed him; he tasted like sleep but it wasn’t that bad. “Since it is your birthday, I guess we can listen to Green Day. Just this once.”

Robbie got up and got dressed; Jade laid on his bed and enjoyed the show. The blinds on his window were open and his scars all over his stomach looked pretty bad in the light; she didn’t mind them though. He almost sort of had muscles. They went downstairs and Robbie made crepes for her and Alice, then he rushed Alice to the bus stop and drove himself and Jade to Hollywood Arts.

Sikowitz made him wear a giant sombrero for the whole class period since it was his birthday; he always made his students wear some stupid getup when it was their birthday. Last April Cat had had to wear a nun habit. Jade was so lucky her birthday was at the end of August and that Sikowitz didn’t know her address so he couldn’t come to her house and make her wear a Hawaiian grass skirt.

The day went by quickly. Jade had to miss lunch to help Cat with a balloon crisis; she got to scream at SinJin which was always cool. She skipped her study hall last period and got Robbie to skip too and hang out with her in the courtyard. There were still people out there and the teachers never checked; the lunch periods ran all day. The same girls that were always staring at Robbie when he yelled crazy shit were sitting out there too.

Jade and Robbie sat at the usual table. “Did your day go okay?” she asked him. She was trying hard to be a better girlfriend than when she’d dated Beck. Good girlfriends asked you about your day. Beck hadn’t been perfect and Robbie wasn’t perfect either but Jade needed to try too.

“It was good, it was okay. No casualties so far. I did not even spill anything on myself.” Robbie was stretched out sitting on the bench next to her; they were sitting facing away from the table being cool kids.

“Did you wash the shirt I bought you?” She’d got him a shirt to wear for the dance; it was gray. Even so it had black zigzags on the sleeve cuffs so there was something dorky about it that Robbie would like. Cat had pulled her aside last week and screamed that Robbie had the look on his face that said he was thinking about wearing paisley, that could not happen.

“Nope, my mother washed it. She ironed it and it is hanging in my closet.”

“Okay, good. So we are all set to go.” Jade liked to have a plan, especially one that did not involve Robbie wearing paisley. She scowled. “Cat is taking me to Macy’s after school.”

“Oh god, is there a sale?”

Jade scowled more. “Yes there is a sale.”

“I am so sorry for you, you might not even make it to the dance, we probably shouldn’t even go.”

“Nah, Cat has this plan.” Jade didn’t like Cat’s plans as much as her own, but it was whatever. She put a stop to Robbie’s no-dance shit immediately. “Also, shut the fuck up, we’re going. Cat let me lock SinJin in the Black Box, I really enjoyed that. He was screaming for a sandwich but we just left. Hopefully by the time everything starts he’ll be passed out on the bleachers.”

Robbie laughed and looked amused at her; he usually looked really amused at her when she talked about mentally disturbing or causing bodily harm to people, usually it was SinJin. “I like you so much,” he said.

“Yeah, whatever, you charmer.” Jade stopped looking at him; Rider Daniels was stalking around the courtyard, going past the tables by them. He stalked by their table, too close, looking down pointedly at Jade and Robbie as he went by. Robbie made a face at him; Jade rubbed her shoulder.

“Why is he huffing around here?” Robbie demanded. “Doesn’t he know it’s my birthday?!” He made Jade laugh even though she didn’t want to. She felt so shitty and terrible whenever Rider was around. “Why did he come out here to walk around six tables, do you think he knew you’d be out here?”

“I have no idea.” Jade thought he might have; she didn’t know if it was self-centered to think that. She knew Rider didn’t like her, he just wanted to make her feel like shit for some reason.

Robbie was shaking his head. He actually looked really annoyed at Rider. “Why, why he so obsessed with you? Not that there aren’t reasons to be obsessed with you. It’s not like you guys actually went out like him and Tori, you are way smarter than that.”

Jade felt bad and horrible; she had to tell him. He was probably going to scream his dork head off at her and then not want to go to the dance. She was looking down at her sneakers. “I  … am not way smarter than that, actually. I did go out with him.”

“…..Oh,” said Robbie. He sounded surprised and something, Jade didn’t know what else. “I didn’t know that.”

“I know you didn’t know that. I didn’t tell you. We only went out like two or three times in the summer.”

“Oh,” said Robbie again.

“It was seriously nothing and it was so stupid. He asked me out and I wanted to go out with someone, it didn’t matter who it was. It was in like July I think.” She felt so horrible saying this next part. “I gave him, like, I gave him a handjob at a party and then never wanted to see him again. I blocked him on Splashface and he has been pissed off ever since.”

“Oh,” said Robbie for the third time.

“I didn’t fuck him or anything. I didn’t fuck his friends like he’s saying.”

“No, I know that.”

Jade leaned in and glared at him; he wasn’t looking at her, staring straight out into the courtyard. “Are you mad at me?”

Robbie looked over and frowned. He pushed his glasses up on his face. He didn’t really look mad. “No, it’s not – no I’m not mad. I wish you had told me, I feel stupid now.”

“It’s embarrassing. I knew I was being stupid.”

“Well it makes sense now why he’s so obsessed with you.” Robbie smiled at her; she could not believe he was not screaming. “You really give great handjobs. I am so glad you did not block me on Splashface.”

Jade laughed; she couldn’t help it. She guessed Robbie wanted her to laugh. “I’m sorry for not telling you. I’m ruining your birthday. You really aren’t mad at me?”

Robbie made a face at her. “You, Jade, it’s not my business. I am glad you told me, he is a piece of shit. But you, you can do whatever you want. As long as you didn’t give him a handjob like, last week, I’m not mad.” He paused. “Although I would like to say, I was totally available in July, I would have liked a handjob in July!”

“You’re an asshole.” She was laughing again.

“I need backpay! I need retro handjobs! Jerk me off right now!”

“Shut up!” Jade shoved him. “I’m serious, it is not a big deal. We went to a party twice and he took me to like Burger Town – “

“OH MY GOD,” Robbie yelled, “YOU SAY THIS TO ME ON MY BIRTHDAY? THE HANDJOB I CAN OVERLOOK, BUT YOU LET HIM TAKE YOU TO BURGER TOWN?”

The girls at the next table were staring at him again. Jade laughed and shoved him again; she slugged his arm. They were a super romantic couple. “Oh my god, shut the fuck up or I’ll tell you I ordered waffle fries.”

“YOU GOT WAFFLE FRIES? HOW COULD YOU DO IT TO ME, JADE? I SHOULDN’T EVEN GIVE YOU YOUR VALENTINE.”

Jade stopped hitting him; she was still laughing though. “You got me a Valentine?”

Robbie started digging through his huge backpack. “I made you a Valentine, it is a macaroni card. I will present it to you now right after you told me you got fries with another man.”

“You’re so stupid.” It wasn’t a macaroni card, it was a huge heart made out of sheet metal. In the middle of it there was an etching of guy and a girl walking and holding hands, the backs of them. The girl’s shirt said 3 LIBRAS on the back; it was a A Perfect Circle song from Mer De Noms. “This is so cool. How did you do this?”

“I had to use that weird heat gun in the woodshop, I burned myself like three times, I was doing it when you guys thought I was being emo at lunch. Do you, I know it’s so stupid, do you like it?”

Jade leaned over and kissed him; the girls at the other table were still staring. “I love it, I’m so sorry I ate waffle fries with another man.”

“DON’T TALK ABOUT THE WAFFLE FRIES!” Robbie said. He was grinning. “You’re the first girl I have given a Valentine to since Leanne Corwentski in sixth grade, please don’t give it back to me.”

“Okay. I won’t. Promise.” Jade put the heart in her own backpack. She would have to make sure it didn’t get dented or messed up.

 


	24. Chapter Twenty-Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> > Robbie had a weird look on his face. “Cat got you to make decorations?”
>> 
>> Jade rolled her eyes; she could have school spirit too. “Yeah, at gunpoint. They’re all lopsided because my hands were shaking so bad.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys so much for all the bookmarks, comments, and kudos! They help a lot.

**Chapter Twenty Four**

 

Jade met Cat after school and Cat immediately drove them to the mall. Cat found a dress she liked right away, a glittery short silver thing. She dragged Jade through the juniors’ and the misses’ section at Macy’s, piling dresses up on her arm. She immediately knew that Jade was a size 5; it was probably part of her weird Cat powers. Her weird Cat powers hadn’t told her that Jade practically never shopped at Macy’s, but whatever.

Cat sighed at her heavily as Jade vetoed dresses one through five, and then dresses six through ten. “Oooooh my gosh, you are not even trying them on! Are you really going to wear your cheerleader outfit like Robbie said?”

Robbie was the worst person for saying in front of Cat and Andre that she had been a cheerleader; he should not even be her boyfriend. “Dude, I was ten, it doesn’t fit me anymore.”

“Don’t you want a new outfit? Don’t you want to look nice?” Jade thought Cat had some micromanaging issues of her own, honestly.

“I don’t look nice right now?” Cat raised her eyebrows at her and didn’t say anything; Jade was wearing Robbie’s zombie hoodie again and her ratty jeans from sophomore year.

Jade sighed heavily and looked around. They were basically alone in the juniors’ section. “I fuckin’ _hate_ you,” she told Cat. There was more venom in her voice than she’d meant to use; Cat actually looked surprised and a little hurt. Jade knew she hadn’t sounded like that towards Cat in a long time. She unzipped the hoodie and shrugged it off her shoulders. She had her grey tank top on underneath it and she turned around and pulled her hair back so Cat could see the huge scar on her shoulder. “I can’t wear all the styles you keep picking. I don’t want people to see this shit.”

Cat gasped. Jade could see her in the mirror in front of them; tears sprung to Cat’s eyes. Cat could not cry on command like Robbie so Jade knew they were real tears. “What is that, where did you get that?”

“It’s called scar tissue, the Red Hot Chili Peppers wrote a song about it. It happens when you – “

Cat scowled her little Cat scowl; she still looked like she was going to cry though. “JADE! I am so serious right now!”

The sleeves of the hoodie were slipping down her arms. Cat leaned over and started tracing the scar with her finger; it made Jade feel super uncomfortable. She breathed in and out slowly, two times. She needed to stop being a fucking freak and she needed to start talking about this. She had told Robbie and she could tell Cat. She had told Beck, sort of. Cat had been her friend all year and probably would have been for way longer, if Jade could have stopped being a stupid freak earlier.

“I got in this car accident when I was little, when I was in middle school. A truck hit me and my older brother. It was turning onto Route 1 from that bypass ramp and didn’t see us. He died and, and I got his huge scar.” It didn’t even sound like her voice saying it.

Even more tears sprang to Cat’s eyes; it was so terrible. “Oh my god, how did I not know that? Jade, are you okay?”

“Okay is a relative term,” Jade said. “I _am_ going out with Robbie, after all.”

“Yeah, you have super brain damage,” Cat said. She sounded choked up; she was actually crying in Macy’s. Jade wanted to laugh a little but it felt like her throat was closing up too. “I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry, I never knew you had a brother.”

“It’s okay. It was a long time ago.” Jade prayed that Cat wasn’t going to ask more about her brother. She could not do this in Macy’s, especially in the juniors’ section.

“I can’t believe I’ve never seen this, haven’t you worn stuff before? We wore those sexy Christmas outfits.”

“I get, I used to get this really expensive makeup. I don’t have that that much left. My mom used to help me cover it up. Beck did it for me once. I… ” She didn’t know what to say.

Cat got a frown on her face. She had probably driven Jade home enough recently and watched her crawl in through her window enough to know that help from her mom this year was not really an option. “Ooooh okay. Well, I could help you do it, it would take me like an hour though probably. You or Robbie always do my makeup, I’m not good at it.” Jade sighed at Robbie doing Cat’s makeup; he always had for the plays before. “We can find more dresses, or really you don’t even need to cover it up! It’s not even that bad, it’s just surprising.”

Jade rolled her eyes. Cat was a liar. “It is pretty bad.”

“No it’s not! It makes you look sexy and dangerous!”

“Robbie said the same thing, actually. You guys are super connected.”

Cat made a face. “No we’re not, and um, I don’t think I need to hear about all that.”

Jade laughed; she couldn’t help it. She fixed her hoodie and zipped it halfway up again. “Look, I know it’s really bad. It’s cold out anyway, we can find something with long sleeves.”

“No! It will be so hot in the Black Box, you are gonna dance so much to my Backstreet Boys playlist.”

“Your … what?”

“Ha ha, what! It seriously doesn’t look that bad! You should wear what you want. You shouldn’t care if people see it, it doesn’t look bad. New Year New Paige! New Year New Jade! Right?”

Jade laughed again. She had not figured Cat for a Degrassi fan; they would have to discuss this more later. “Whatever. Okay … okay. I need to see dress 3 and 8 again.”

Cat beamed at her and rifled through the dresses. She ran off to find more even as Jade reluctantly went into the dressing room and tried them on. Dress 3 looked okay but it was black; Jade did love a black dress but, mostly for Robbie’s sake, she did not want to look like she was going to a funeral when she was really going to a Valentine’s Day dance. Dress number 8 fit her weird because she actually had boobs unlike the creepy plastic model Cat had pulled it off of.

It took about another hour, mostly because Cat kept getting distracted looking at non-dance clothes (“It’s a big sale!”) but eventually they found a dress that Jade liked. It was pretty simple; it was just a sundress. It was pretty short and had a swishy skirt. It was dark maroon and had a little bit of glitter on in; it was very Valentine-y. The back wasn’t too low but it had really thin straps. Cat reassured her saying Jade could just wear her hair down. She always wore her hair down anyway.

Jade stood looking in the dressing room mirror; Cat was jumping around in the background and yelling that she was super hot like an enthusiastic girlfriend. She looked at the scar going over her shoulder; maybe it wasn’t that bad. “New Year New Paige?” she said.

Cat threw her arms around Jade, almost knocking them into the mirror. Jade looked in the mirror at Cat’s grinning face. “New Year New Paige!” Cat said.

 

It was past five when the girls left the mall; they were cutting it a little close but Cat thought they’d be okay. She was getting antsy about getting back to the school though anyway; she had to be at the dance earlier than everyone else. “Can we change and do our hair at your house? It’s closer. I have so much makeup in this car.”

Jade hesitated; she didn’t want to say no. For the first time in a long time she wished her mom was normal like she’d used to be when Jade was a kid. It would be nice to be able to have friends over without worrying about your mom being drunk or someone screaming. “We can try.”

“Kay kay! Awesome!” Cat drove to her house like a crazy woman. She parked on the street; Jade looked around for Danny’s car.

“Okay. I guess it’s safe to go in.”

“No Danny?”

Jade felt surprised that Cat knew his name. She guessed she had mentioned him at lunch once or twice, complaining to Robbie. “Doesn’t look like it.”

Jade’s mom was, could you believe it, passed out on the couch. Her makeup was running all over her face and she was wearing a fancy dress. She must have had an audition today; from the looks of her now it hadn’t gone great. Jade put the cap back on the bottle of Jack and moved it to the coffee table. Cat stood staring and looking awkward.

They went into Jade’s room; luckily Jade had had the sense to clean it yesterday. Cat started unpacking her hair stuff. She chewed on her lip. “Is … your mom always like that?”

“What?” Jade said. “It’s Friday night, man.”

Cat chewed her lip some more. She plugged her curling iron in. “I swear I’m not judging you. I just never knew any of this stuff.”

For some reason it felt like something snapped inside of Jade, a bone in her chest or something. It caused all these feelings to leak out. She felt really sad all of a sudden; she didn’t want to feel sad right before the Valentine’s Day dance. “She is always like this,” she told Cat. “She even drank a lot when my parents were married, but not like this. We were okay for a while but it’s been really bad since, probably before Christmas last year.”

“I’m sorry. I’m really sorry.”

Jade shrugged. She didn’t know why Robbie was always saying sorry to her, and now Cat. She was eighteen now and could take care of herself; she could probably move out in a couple months when school ended. “It’s not like she hits me or anything.”

“Still.” Cat looked uncomfortable; she probably didn’t want to say anything that would make Jade want to hit her. “You can come over my house whenever if you want or need to, I’m never doing anything.”

Jade rolled her eyes; Cat was always doing something. “Dude, are you going to do my hair or what? You have forty-nine minutes.”

Cat looked at the clock on Jade’s dresser and screamed. “Okay, okay, put your dress on. I am not gonna do too much with your hair, it always looks awesome. Will you do my makeup, I want smokey eyes and only Robbie can do it for me.”

“I really can’t believe this is my life now,” Jade said.

Cat grinned at her; she almost strangled Jade putting a necklace on her.

 

The girls put on their dresses. Jade did her and Cat’s makeup and then Cat dropped her off at Robbie’s house. Jade had two silver clips in her hair to match the silver choker. Cat drove on the highway but Jade felt too nervous about the dance to be nervous about being on the highway. She was being so stupid; she didn’t need to be nervous about being at stupid school.

“I really hope SinJin is passed out, he is gonna flip out at me otherwise.” Cat parked like a crazy person in front of Robbie’s house. “Do not have sex with Robbie right now, I need you guys at Hollywood Arts in ONE HOUR.”

“I don’t know if I can stop myself,” Jade said. She was rolling her eyes; Robbie’s mom and Alice were probably home.

“ONE HOUR,” Cat yelled as Jade got out of the car. Jade waved to her.

Robbie threw the door open when she got up the porch steps. “HI YOU LOOK AMAZING,” he yelled. “I WAS GOING TO PICK YOU UP.”

“Oh Jesus, what’s wrong with you?”

Alice was dragging him back into the kitchen; she had a green party bow in her hair. “He ate so much cake, I’m sorry Jade.”

“YOU MISSED ALICE AND MY MOM SINGING HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME,” said Robbie. He was wearing his gray shirt and it didn’t have any cake on it; he looked pretty good.

“Robbie, stop screaming at that poor girl,” said Mrs. Shapiro. She was drinking coffee at the kitchen counter; she was a smart woman. “Jade! Honey, you look great.”

“SHE LOOKS AMAZING,” said Robbie. He turned to Jade. “YOU LOOK SO AMAZING.”

“Where’s this cake?” Jade asked. “We have to be at the school in one hour, Cat is really serious about it.”

Robbie’s mom led her to the counter; it was a chocolate cake. “Sorry, we tried to wait for you. Someone kept sneaking in here and opening the box.” She gave Alice a significant look; Alice looked at her nails with interest. “I need to take pictures of you guys, Alice showed me how to do it on my phone.”

“OH GOD,” said Robbie. “YOU DON’T NEED TO DO THAT, IT IS NOT NECESSARY.”

Jade didn’t think it was necessary either but Robbie’s mom looked so cute and hopeful holding up her super old PearPhone. She dragged Robbie into the living room where the lighting was better and let Robbie’s mom take ten pictures. Jade kept leaning on Robbie and posing like a model; it was making him laugh a lot. She really hoped you couldn’t see the scar on her shoulder too much.

Robbie managed to calm down a little after the pictures. His mom left the room looking through her phone and Robbie turned to her and smiled. “You really do look amazing,” he said in an almost normal tone.

“Thanks,” said Jade. “Your hair doesn’t look that big, you look great.”

“Thank you! Cat’s mom cut it for me yesterday!”

“Huh.” Jade had forgotten that Cat’s mom was a hair stylist. She hoped if she ever had a hair crisis (like Robbie did every day) Cat’s mom would help her out.

Alice and Robbie’s mom stood on the porch like dorks as Jade and Robbie went out to his car; Alice was jumping and waving. Her hair bow was falling off.

“So Alice is being weirdly supportive,” Jade said, pulling her seat belt on. She glared at Robbie until he put his on too; he should know better.

“Alice is a little gremlin but she always supports me,” Robbie said. “Aside from at mini-golf. She is a great little sister.”

“She is pretty cool.”

“She was, you know when I was little, I used to think Alice was my baby doll. I used to carry her around the mall and tell people she was my baby. My father loved it so much, let me tell you.”

Jade laughed. “That is actually adorable.”

“My mother really did love it so much, I used to get Alice up for her in the mornings and change her diaper. I still can change a diaper in 23 seconds; Cat timed me last year.”

“Whose diaper were you changing?”

“Ha ha,” said Robbie. “What? Jade, why are you asking me so many questions? We have to get to the school.”

“Oh my god,” said Jade. Robbie laughed.

 

It didn’t take them that long to get to Hollywood Arts. Traffic wasn’t that bad which always made Jade happy. They parked in the main lot and looked around at all the cars. Robbie made a face and then smiled; he turned and looked at Jade. “Last chance to bail.”

“Uh-huh.” Jade was ignoring him and getting out of the car. They walked together across the parking lot – Robbie complimented Jade’s gait in heels; he really said gait – and went into the school. Burf was in the main hallway selling tickets. Jade shoved Robbie out of the way and paid for them.

“You don’t have to do that, I was going to do that.”

Jade ignored him. Burf was also selling pink glowsticks; she considered getting one for Robbie but vetoed the thought. He’d have way too much fun with a pink glowstick and would probably end up ignoring her all night; she knew how his dork mind worked. “I asked you so I’m paying.” She turned towards the Black Box and grabbed Robbie’s arm.

“Oh god, what are you planning? Is there a guillotine in there? Are you going to dump me in front of everyone?”

“Oh my GOD,” said Jade, still dragging him. “Dude, you have GOT to stop saying this annoying shit, it makes me feel like shit.”

“Sorry! Sorry. I didn’t mean it, I don’t mean it. I’ll stop.”

Jade dragged Robbie into the Black Box; she was trying hard not to feel annoyed at him. He’d been so cool and nice to her earlier at school when she’d told him about Rider; he’d been amazing. Even so, for a moment she felt herself longing for Beck’s confidence and cool detachment. She really liked Robbie and she _really_ liked having sex with him, but sometimes she didn’t know if she had it in her to keep reassuring him that they weren’t going to break up every two seconds.

The Black Box Theater was totally transformed since Jade had seen it at lunch today; Cat had probably doubled up on her Adderall once she’d dropped Jade off. They’d gotten all of the rows of chairs out somehow and the theater looked huge. There were giant arches of balloons on each corner of the room and the paper mache hearts were suspended and swinging on the ceiling. Jade pointed. “Look! I made those!”

Robbie had a weird look on his face. “Cat got you to make decorations?”

Jade rolled her eyes; she could have school spirit too. “Yeah, at gunpoint. They’re all lopsided because my hands were shaking so bad.” Robbie laughed. Andre was at the huge DJ booth with Cat and SinJin, bothering them. SinJin looked very grumpy. Cat glanced up like a creepy telepathic psycho and waved manically at Jade and Robbie; she was grinning. Robbie said, “Oh my god, she took three Adderall. She is gonna get a nosebleed probably around 9:30.”

“Are you serious?” Jade had been being sarcastic in her head about the Adderall. She hadn’t known Cat really took that.

“She takes a low dose, once she took like 4 during finals and didn’t sleep for two days, it was a really bad time.” Robbie looked around. “What, um, what are we supposed to do?”

“I’m not sure.” Jade looked around too. “Oh! You can go be a good boyfriend and get me something to drink.”

“Okay.” Robbie looked at her warily like she was going to run away or set up a guillotine. He wandered off to the food table. Tori popped up like she always did at the worst moment (any moment with Tori was the worst moment) and came over to talk to Jade as though they were civil people. She looked stupid in a pink dress.

“Hey, you look great!” Tori’s gaze hovered on her left shoulder but she didn’t say anything about Jade being horribly disfigured. “You came with Robbie?”

“No, I actually just dumped him and took up with Burf, I’m only here ‘cause I got in for free.”

Tori ignored Jade’s nasty tone; she usually did. “You know, when Cat emailed me that you guys were dating, I thought you were having a nervous breakdown. But you guys are actually, actually pretty sweet together.”

“What, me and Burf?” Tori rolled her eyes. “Wait. She emailed you?”

“Yeah, it was like four pages, she had a lot to say.”

“Oh my god,” said Jade.

Robbie came back over with two plastic cups of soda. He still looked nervous and like he was looking for a guillotine. “Hey. Hi, Tori.”

“Hey! Thanks Robbie!” Tori snatched his cup of soda; Robbie looked bemused.

“You can go away now,” Jade told her.

“Yep! This has been our requisite two minutes of screen time together! See you guys during the commercial break!” Tori wandered away; she was so weird.

Robbie looked at her. “What do you want to do?”

“All the weird aloof skater kids are on the bleachers, aren’t they your people? Let’s go talk to them.”

“They’re not really skaters.” Robbie was smiling at her. He led her over to them.

The kids were probably skaters but they were in Robbie’s art class, too. Jade had seen one or two of the guys a couple times when she’d gone to find him in the art room. Robbie said hey and introduced her. Robbie was so annoying; he always acted like he had no friends, but they weren’t that bad. He was mainly friends with two of the guys, Tyler and Logan. Tyler was tall and skinny and Logan kind of looked like Wolverine; Jade wondered if there was some secret rule that said every kid named Logan had to be kind of stocky and resemble Hugh Jackman.

“Can not believe you got him to show up to this,” Tyler said to Jade. “I thought you swore off these dances. Why’d I have to hear twelve speeches all year?”

“Ha ha. Jade is, is my lady, she took me. I do what she wants.”

Jade rolled her eyes at Robbie calling her his lady. “It’s not the Renaissance Faire, dude.”

“Right! Sorry! Not the Ren Faire.” Jade sighed at his use of ‘Ren Faire.’

The boys were smiling at her. No one was screaming hysterically or throwing up from the scar on her shoulder. Robbie asked them what they were doing here anyway.

Tyler said, “Cat said she was making sandwiches,” and Logan said, “Desperately hoping Tori Vega will notice me for two seconds.”

“Good luck,” Jade said. “She stole Robbie’s soda and is walking around acting like she’s in a TV show.”

“She really did take my soda, it was diet.”

They sat on the bleachers for a while with Tyler and Logan – they were being Those Kids at a dance who sat on the bleachers. It wasn’t that bad. The guys weren’t that gross and they also didn’t talk about _Donnie Darko_ like Beck’s friends would. Helen kept popping up and yelling and snatching the beanie off from Logan’s head; he’d just pull another one out of his messenger bag. Jade thought it was weird that he’d brought a messenger bag to the dance but it was clearly for his giant stash of beanies.

They sat on the bleachers and talked and watched people for a couple minutes. Most of the underclassmen looked a little scared of Jade as they walked by; they probably remembered her screaming at all of Cat’s meetings. Logan and Tyler complimented her paper mache hearts and Jade felt pleased. Then she felt less pleased when a slightly familiar horrible song came on.

“EEEEYAAHAHAHA,” Robbie said along with the music, very loud.

“Dude,” said Logan. He actually looked slightly terrified; Jade was glad that she was not the only person who thought that Robbie was a crazy nutcase at times.

“Sorry, it’s _Larger Than Life_ , it’s a compulsion. Sorry, Jade,” Robbie said, looking at her face. He was smiling. “I always do AJ’s parts,” he said like it was something to be proud of.

“You? Why? You’re a total Howie,” Logan said.

Robbie looked super offended. “Screw you! You’re Howie!”

“No, I’m at least a Brian.”

“Ha ha! In what universe?”

“I’m not doing this with you guys again,” said Tyler.

Jade couldn’t believe they were arguing over what Backstreet Boy they were. It was making her laugh anyway. Robbie was tapping his feet against the floor; he looked hopeful.

Jade liked it when he looked hopeful but she had to shut him down. “Robbie, I’m not dancing with you to this. I don’t know the music videos and I definitely don’t know your moves to _It’s Gotta Be You._ ”

Robbie laughed in an embarrassed way. “I guess I won’t hold it against you.”

The song ended and another one came on. It was still a Backstreet Boys song; Jade could sense Cat being nefarious. “Why is she doing this?” Jade said.

“Three Adderall,” Robbie reminded her. “Oh my god, I think this is her BSB mix from 2013, I know every song that is on this.” He looked hopeful again.

Jade couldn’t believe he’d said BSB. She could see Cat across the gym; she was easy to spot in her silver dress. Cat’d found them instantly again and was jumping and waving. She was definitely being nefarious. “Jesus,” said Jade. She turned to Robbie; he had mostly contained himself but one foot was still tapping against the auditorium floor. “Okay, I’m giving you permission. Go be with your redhead.”

Robbie laughed and look surprised. “What? No, I’m staying with you.”

“Dude, just go dance with Cat, you know you want to. I’ll be fine, the mix has to end sometime.” Robbie was looking at her in a weird way; Jade rolled her eyes at him. “I’m actually not jealous. It’s fine. Go dance and embarrass me, you know I love pain.”

”Really?”

”Yes.” Jade waved a hand at him. “Go on, be free.”

Robbie grinned at her. Jade was struck really suddenly by how good he looked to her; it was weird because he was about to go dance to the Backstreet Boys. He leaned over and kissed her, real quick. “You are the besty best! I love you! I’ll be back in approximately twenty-three minutes fourteen seconds!”

Off he went, bounding across the gym. Jade stared blankly after him. He didn’t even seem to realize he’d said _I love you_ ; he’d also said _besty best_ which was horrifying. By the DJ booth, Cat sailed into his arms. Jade really did feel surprised by how jealous she did not feel. Cat and Robbie were great friends and that’s all they were. They were great friends to her, too.

She didn’t feel jealous; she felt horrified. Cat and Robbie were doing a horrible dance to another Backstreet Boys single. Jade didn’t know what this one was called. Robbie was flapping his hands in Cat’s face; he looked like a duck having a seizure. Cat was laughing a lot and flapping right back. “Oh my god,” Jade said mutedly.

Next to her, Logan also looked horrified. He put his fifth beanie of the night on. “You haven’t seen them do this before?”

“Nope,” Jade said, still mutedly.

“Lucky,” Logan said. He waved his phone at her. “I’m watching every Girly Cow episode from 2004, it’s streaming on the Dingo site. You want to watch it too, and not look at them?”

“Yeah, yep, thank you so much.” Jade scooted closer to him on the bleachers. Her hair was falling over her shoulder; it was mostly covering her scar so she didn’t feel that awkward.

Girly Cow had had really bad graphics in 2004. After a couple minutes Andre wandered over and sat down beside her; Jade only noticed when she felt the bleachers shake and looked up.

“Hey, glad you made it,” Andre said. He nodded towards the dance floor. “You see this shit?”

“Unfortunately.” Cat was pretending to slap Robbie across the face; Robbie fell to the floor and then jumped up again. He grabbed Cat and spun her around.

Andre laughed at her. “You see, you actually committed yourself to that dork, you are suffering way more than me. Me and Cat just hook up on the down-low every couple weeks.”

“Huh,” said Jade. “I did not know that.”

“Yeah, she’s really cool.”

Jade made a face. Robbie and Cat were leaning in close to each other and shimmying their shoulders; it was truly terrifying. “Robbie’s not cool.”

Andre laughed at her. “Yeah, I been knowing that.”

“Did they do _It’s Gotta Be You_ yet?”

Logan was laughing at her, a lot. “Oh it’s coming.”

“Why have you seen this before?” Jade demanded. Logan just laughed more. Helen popped up and snatched his fifth beanie away. _It’s Gotta Be You_ came on; the name was right in the chorus so Jade knew it. “Ooooh my god, make them stop,” Jade said in horror. “I’m blind.”

“Is that Girly Cow?” Andre demanded. “Let me see that.” Everyone stared at Logan’s phone with a sense of futility. The Backstreet Boys playlist ended eventually; Jade lost sight of Robbie for a few minutes as some more normal school dance music started playing.

Robbie came back over to the bleachers; he had another soda for her and a brownie. “Hi, thanks so much for letting me dance with Cat, did you see me? Do you still like me?”

Jade ate the brownie. “I did see you, I’m blind in my left eye now. I still like you, I think so.”

Robbie sat down beside her; he looked happy. “I’m not even that sweaty, my 48 hour deodorant is doing its job.”

“That’s so great, baby,” Jade said dryly. Robbie grinned at her. He looked so happy and it made Jade smile back.

“Were you okay by yourself? I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine, I was okay. I had those two dorks.” Jade nodded her head at Andre and Logan; they were now deep in conversation about Girly Cow and the direction the show had taken after season six. She and Robbie sat and drank their sodas; Jade was making fun of him for drinking diet.

 _Fly_ by Sugar Ray came on the speakers. Robbie laughed and threw his cup; Cat would have screamed at him if she saw. He jumped up and grabbed Jade’s arm.

“You and me, you and me. We have to dance to this one.”

“What? God, why?” Jade let herself be dragged; he was being so goofy.

“Your brother bought you this CD at the carnival, this is the first song you ever serenaded me to in my car.”

Jade was laughing. “You remember that?” To both things, really.

Robbie looked at her all silly. “I remember everything,” he said like a goon; he was being Pacey from Dawson’s Creek. Jade laughed at him; she let herself be dragged out onto the dance floor. Cat found them immediately again. She was laughing and bouncing around. Everyone was dancing and jumping around so Jade decided to let herself be silly too. Cat and Robbie kept doing the stupidest dance moves and making her laugh. Cat and Robbie raised the roof; Robbie grabbed Jade’s arms and made her do it too. He put his arms around her waist. He really wasn’t that sweaty.

Everyone danced for a while: Andre came out onto the floor and broke it down. Those were his words, not Jade’s. He and Robbie appeared to be trying to out-idiot each other. Cat grabbed Jade’s hand and swung her around; Lucky by Britney Spears was playing and she and Cat could do the dance moves.

Jade wandered off to get more soda for her and Cat. At the refreshments table, Beck was seriously hovering over the punch bowl like a huge creep; he was wearing black and the shadows of the gym seemed to swallow him up. “Hey Jade.”

Jade blinked at him and tried hard to act like he hadn’t actually startled her. “Hey, I didn’t know you were here.”

“Yeah, I came stag. I’m having romantic troubles.”

Jade felt kind of bad. She was not having romantic troubles, she was having sex with Beck’s good friend Robbie. “I’m sorry to hear that.”

”You look really nice, you look great.”

Jade got her soda and got a water for Cat; she seemed dehydrated. “Thanks. You look like a funeral bearer.”

She still couldn’t seem to be nice to Beck for more than fifteen seconds at a time; there was something wrong with her. Beck smiled at her. Then he made a weird face. He looked at her like he’d looked a couple weeks ago when she’d seen him after school with Robbie and Rider. “Hey, um. Do you think I could talk to you for a second? Can we go somewhere private?”

Jade figured that potentially seeing her and Beck go off somewhere private would trigger Robbie to have a total Valentine’s Day meltdown. “Nope, I’m good.” That Modest Mouse song that everyone liked was playing and she wandered off to go dance with Robbie to it.

She gave Cat her water and grabbed Robbie by his tie and pulled him to her; he was grinning at her. “Hey, you came back to me.”

“Yeah, I did,” Jade said. She hoped he hadn’t seen her and Beck talking over the punch bowl. Robbie put his arms around her and they danced to a couple slow songs. He looked super moony during a Cyndi Lauper song; she could just see him thinking up soppy shit to say to her later. Hopefully they’d have sex and he probably wouldn’t be able to say that many of them.

Cat’s nose did begin to bleed on cue, right at 9:45. Andre half-carried her over to them; Cat was laughing even so. “Oh my god, I told you,” said Robbie. He and Jade grabbed Cat by an arm. “Do you want to stay longer, Jade?”

“Nah, I’m good.” She was surprised it was almost ten; they had really been here for almost 3 hours.

“Okay. Cat, it’s time to go! Jade and I will take you home, we can pick your car up in the morning.”

“I’m fine, Mom!” Cat said. She wasn’t actually fine; her nose was only bleeding a little but she put her head on Jade’s shoulder and instantly went to sleep there.

“Okay,” Jade said. She and Andre and Robbie walked/carried Cat out of the theater and the school; it was a very slow process because Cat was asleep on Jade’s shoulder.

They got Cat loaded into the backseat of Robbie’s car and said goodbye to Andre. Jade and Robbie got in his car and he started off on the way to Cat’s; Jade knew he was taking the sort of long way so they didn’t have to go on Route 1. Jade watched Cat sleep in the back seat. “Hey, did you know that Cat and Andre have casual sex?”

“Yep, they started hooking up right after Valentine’s Day last year, he is the one guy she keeps going back to. She loves dark chocolate.”

“Dude,” said Jade.

“She said it! I am allowed to say it. Never in front of Andre.” Robbie made a face. “It was so great for my self esteem, Cat could not bear to kiss me more than twice but she is totally willing to have very frequent casual sex with our friend.”

“Well,” said Jade. “Do you think you could handle having casual sex with someone?”

“I’M SUPER CASUAL ALL THE TIME,” Robbie said, the least casual. Then he looked slightly worried. “Do you want me to be more casual, should we have more casual sex. I can stop saying romantic stuff during it, I will be so casual.”

“No, I like you being obsessive and romantic,” Jade said. She actually did, for the most part.

“Oh. Okay.” Robbie smiled at her; they were definitely gonna have not-casual sex later.

They got Cat dropped off at her house and then went back to Robbie’s. It was almost eleven but Robbie’s mom had left them a note saying that she and Alice had gone to see _The Force Awakens_ together for the fifth time; they wouldn’t be home until way past midnight.

“That’s really late for Alice, my mom is gonna have to carry up all those porch steps,” Robbie said. They’d gone up into his room and were sitting together on his bed.

Jade tried not to make a face. “Do you think your mom took her out so we could have Valentine’s Day sex?”

Robbie did make a face; it was a horrified one. “Oh my god, I hope not. My mom doesn’t know we have sex!”

“Ha ha,” Jade said. “You’re right, why would she.”

Robbie stopped making a horrible face and then made a moony face at her. “Thank you,” he said.

“For what?”

“For what?” Robbie laughed a little embarassedly; he looked cute. “Um, for giving me a good birthday? For coming to my house at like six am? For taking me to the dance and letting me dance with Cat to the Backstreet Boys?” He looked ultra moony. “For looking amazing tonight? For your dress and amazing eyes? For your – “

“Oooooh my god, okay, you’re welcome!” Jade said. She covered his mouth with her hands; Robbie was laughing. “You’re welcome, I am amazing, I know.”

“You are.”

Jade thought about it. “Hey, do you want to have birthday sex? We have at least an hour before your mom comes back.” She seriously hoped it would not take an hour; she was really tired from watching Robbie dance to the Backstreet Boys. “Want to do doggy style? I won’t have to look at your face as you say all your romantic shit.” It was a great position; she wished it had a better name.

“HAHAHAHAHA,” Robbie said. He was already ripping his shirt off and throwing it at her like they were in a weird porno movie. “BEST BIRTHDAY EVER!”

 


	25. Chapter Twenty-Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robbie was spectacularly bad at bowling; Jade should have known. She and the kids were eating chicken fingers and fries and watching Robbie as he sank his fourth gutter ball of the night. He came back over to the table grumbling. “There is something seriously wrong with my bowling ball, I tell you!”
> 
> “I think the problem is it’s got you throwing it,” Victor told him.

**Chapter Twenty-Five**

 

Robbie did get better after his birthday and the dance; it really was his February syndrome like Cat had said. His whole demeanor changed after the dance. He seemed a lot happier and a little more confident: he stopped saying his self-deprecating shit and he even stopped talking about Jade dumping him all the time.

Jade was so pleased with him. She guessed him having a kind of good birthday and them going out in public and doing couple-y shit had really boosted his confidence.

“Maybe,” Cat said. It was almost the end of the month now. They were sitting and talking about it at lunch while Robbie was conferring with Mrs. Contellini about his art drawings. “But really it’s probably because you guys did it doggy style on his 18th birthday.”

Jade wrinkled her nose up and made a horrible face. “Dude, fucking seriously? Okay, really, does he tell you this shit, because that’s kind of not cool.”

“Ha ha! You think Robbie can say the word ‘sex’ to me? You took his precious flower, you’re like the only girl he could open up to in that context.”

“Worded that so grossly, but that’s actually kind of sweet,” Jade said. “Mostly horrifying.”

Cat looked thoughtful. “Why do they call it doggy style? Lots of other animals do that position.”

“Cat-style, horsey-style, rabbit-style. Sounds fucking dumb.”

Cat laughed. “I would like a position named after me, it’s not dumb.”

“You got the whole vagina, dude.”

“I guess you could just say ‘from behind,’ that’s not that bad.”

“Ew, no, because that makes it sound like anal. We definitely did not do anal.”

“Interesting, are there future plans for anal?” Cat looked way too interested; Jade was pretty sure she act this way just for show and to be goofy. She hoped at least.

“Sure wish I didn’t have to hear these words spoken in this context between my two dear friends,” Andre said. He was reading his Econ book and had been looking more and more furtive as the conversation went on.

Cat laughed. “Sorry Andre! I forgot you were there! I am super into discussing Jade and Robbie’s sex life.”

“Always know what to say to me,” Andre said; Cat smiled at him. He turned a page in his Econ book. He’d already finished his usual three sandwiches.

Robbie was coming over to the table with all his papers and his lunch bag. He gave Cat a Look and pointed at her. “Cat! Stop talking about my sex life, I hear you laughing about my precious flower!”

“But it’s soooo much fun,” Cat said. “You’re blooming!”

Robbie rolled his eyes and sat down. Jade grabbed his shirt and leaned over and kissed him. It was Friday so she was in a good mood. Robbie looked cute today; he was wearing his least-offensive polo shirt. There was probably something wrong with her anyway, for thinking he looked cute in a polo. Or thinking anything in a polo, about a polo, was cute. She had decided to stop worrying about it.

“We’re still doing the thing tonight, right?” she asked him.

Robbie smiled at her; he always looked so pleased and goofy after she kissed him at school or something. It was really fun. “Yeah, of course, if you want.”

“Andre, cover your ears!” Cat yelled. “They are going to start discussing their lurid sex life!”

Jade laughed and Robbie scowled. “Shut up, Cat! We’re not having sex, we’re taking my kids out!” The girls at the next table stared at him. Robbie scowled more. “WHY SIT THERE AND LOOK SHOCKED WHEN YOU KNOW I’M GOING TO SAY WEIRD SHIT?”

“Man, your kids,” Andre said. He had taken the sandwich out of Robbie’s lunch bag and started eating it; Robbie gazed at it in defeat. “You still doing that Foundation thing? We ain’t had to do that shit for like four months. Did your mom make this sandwich, it’s really good.”

“No, I made it, I am a master chef, Jade is teaching me things. My kids have bonded with me, they adore me,” Robbie said. “Mostly they like Jade. We have fun.”

“Yep,” Jade said. “We are going bowling tonight.” Andre made a face; Jade made one back at him. Never in her life would she have thought that she’d be spending a Friday night of her senior year bowling with Robbie and two hispanic children, but she was kind of looking forward to it. She hadn’t been bowling since she was a kid.

The rest of the day went by. Robbie had to stay late to help work on the literary book more so Cat drove Jade home. Cat was way too nice; Jade had just planned to take the bus.

“No biggie, it’s almost kind of on the way if I just take the freeway going back,” Cat said as she parked like a crazy person in front of Jade’s house.

Jade couldn’t imagine driving on the freeway (even worse than the highway) and not freaking the fuck out. She got out of the car and picked up her messenger bag. “Be careful driving, okay?”

“I will!”

Jade went inside her little house; Danny was over and he and Mom were screaming at each other. They didn’t even notice Jade as she stood there and scowled at them for a minute. Danny’s face was bright red and Mom was glaring and had her arms crossed; they both looked massively stupid. Jade didn’t know what they were arguing about but she hoped they would break up soon. Mom always went through honeymoon phases with these guys where she’d get drunk a lot and let them eat all their food. So far no one had lasted longer than six months.

Jade locked herself in their bathroom and took a shower and got changed. Their showerhead was getting leaky again. She wondered if she could get Robbie to fix it; the downside of that would be him seeing their crappy tiny broken-down bathroom. Robbie’s house wasn’t much bigger than hers, really, but everything always looked nice. She cleaned the tub and the sink and went and hid out in her room. She sat around and did her homework until Robbie texted her four times to tell her he was almost there. She crawled out of her window and went to meet him when she saw his headlights.

Robbie stared at her as she got into his car. He must have gone home and gotten changed; he smelled nice and was wearing a slightly more offensive polo. He was also frowning. “God, Jade, I really wish you didn’t have to climb out your window,” he said.

“Dude, it’s just easier. My mom and Danny have been fighting for at least three hours, it’s getting really intense.”

“What are they fighting about?”

“Some dumb shit. My mom might go on this singing tour, who knows how the fuck she got the gig. He doesn’t want her to go because then he won’t have free reign of our house.”

“Oh.” Robbie frowned again; he always looked weird and uncomfortable when Jade talked about her mom or her home life. “I mean … I guess that’s good, right? That she got a gig?”

“Yeah, it’s good. We need money.” Jade had been paying their electric bill since it’d gotten shut off in December; she had not told Robbie she was paying the bill. She was worrying about their water bill. They kept getting red slips.

“What about her boyfriend? He’s not going to, like, he’s not going to stay there while she’s not there, right?”

“Nah, I won’t let his ass in.” Robbie had that look on his face that said he was going to start ranting about Jade’s mother’s parenting skills; Jade turned the radio up loud before he could start. It was Robbie Radio so he got distracted by his flowery girl music.

Robbie was spectacularly bad at bowling; Jade should have known. She and the kids were eating chicken fingers and fries and watching Robbie as he sank his fourth gutter ball of the night. He came back over to the table grumbling. “There is something seriously wrong with my bowling ball, I tell you!”

“I think the problem is it’s got you throwing it,” Victor told him. Robbie made a horrible face at him. Victor looked very sad; he snapped a couple of his french fries in half. “I should have made Jade be on my team.” Jade and July were kicking ass.

“Your loss, you had to be a big man and not pick the girl.” She stole the last of the kid’s snapped-up fries.

July looked happy. He didn’t have any bruises this time and seemed like his usual self; maybe he’d gotten into a fight at school last month or something. “I wanted Jade anyway!”

“Ha ha, same as Robbie wanted Jade for eighty years. He can’t even get her on his bowling team!”

July and Victor laughed at Robbie for being a loser; Robbie made another horrible face at them. “Why do you tell these LIES?” he asked them. “I could so have had Jade on my bowling team.”

Jade gave Robbie the side-eye; this was the second time the kids had made fun of him for liking her for a long time or being obsessed with her. She didn’t really get it: they had barely been friends before this year. She’d meant to ask him about it the last time but had forgotten. She hoped he didn’t have, like, a secret bubble gum shrine to her or something. She liked Robbie being kind of obsessive about her now, but it would be freaky if it had really been for eighty years like Victor’d said.

She thought about it for the rest of the time that they bowled and after they took the kids home. Robbie had bowled an 18; July and Victor screamed about it the whole ride back to Victor’s. Robbie kept turning red and yelling back. They were all making Jade laugh too much.

She pushed her seat back after the kids got out and ran up Victor’s porch; Victor was weirdly tall for an eight year old. Jade stretched her legs out. “Soooo earlier that was like the second time your supplemental kids have referred to you liking me for a really long time. What’s up with that, do you have like a shrine with my head made out of chewed bubblegum like Helga Pataki?”

Robbie took his eyes off of the road to glare at her for a full two seconds; she probably should not have mentioned  _ _Hey Arnold!__. Robbie felt very strongly about it and was waiting for another movie. “Okay, firstly, rude, HELGA AND ARNOLD ARE GOING TO BE TOGETHER,” he said. “She is going to HELP HIM FIND HIS PARENTS. I know you and Cat think it’s soooo funny – “

“Soooo is that a yes to the bubble gum shrine thing?” Jade asked. “Because that’s kind of creepy, I don’t know how I feel about that.”

“Ha ha ha,” Robbie said. He flicked on his blinker to turn onto the Boulevard. “Kind of creepy is my middle name, my mom came up with it after she held me for the very first time.” Jade laughed. Robbie smiled at her; he seemed kind of embarrassed. She knew what his embarrassed smile looked like. “No I don’t have a, a shrine of your head, you’ve seen my room. Where would I put it?”

“Okay, yeah. That is true.”

“It’s more of, I’d say, more of a series of increasingly invasive photos. AHHH!” he said when Jade hit his arm.

“I’m serious! What the hell, dude?”

Robbie laughed; he still seemed embarrassed. “It’s not, it’s not anything, I swear I’m not actually, like, a huge creep, I didn’t actually like, secretly follow you around or anything. Okay, just once! Two times. You didn’t notice me, I had my camouflage pants on from sophomore year.”

Those had been so bad. “Hey, can you be serious for two seconds?” Jade asked him. “I am your actual girlfriend now, you can tell me if you … liked me before or whatever.” It even sounded stupid saying it; he had liked Cat forever.

“Okay. Okay I know. I wasn’t, I wouldn’t say, I didn’t exactly have a crush on you, I mean. Beck is my friend, and you guys dated for forever. But!” Robbie said. “I did see you first!”

Jade laughed. “ _ _What?__ ”

“I saw you first, I did, but I did not call dibs because I am a feminist and also a huge loser,” Robbie told her. “I knew I would not have a chance with you. I was, you know, you bumped into me on our first day of school, freshman year. You were wearing that Perfect Circle shirt, it’s your brother’s, right?”

“Oh yeah,” said Jade. “I don’t remember that, bumping into you. Kind of remember wearing the shirt, my mom yelled at me that I should make more of an effort.” Third school’s the charm, Mom had said, and sent Jade off to school with a new messenger bag and some Poptarts. Jade guessed it had been.

“You probably did not see me, I was so short then. You had that really crazy part in your hair, it was covering the whole left side of your face. You were very mysterious.”

“Mm, I bet I was.” She hadn’t been mysterious; she’d been nervous as hell.

“I really wasn’t that creepy. I just was, I mean, I thought about you sometimes. NOT LIKE THAT!” he yelled when Jade grinned and opened her mouth. “Okay maybe once like that, want me to tell you what you were wearing?”

“Noooooope!” said Jade.

Robbie laughed a lot. “I just, I always thought you were cool. You and Cat were the only girls who laughed at the stuff I’d do in Improv. I guess I wanted to get to you know. Cat did too! When I started hanging out with Victor and Julio - “ he made Jade smile; he said hanging out like he really had fun with the kids – “I guess, I’d be like, I have this friend Jade, well really she mostly tolerates me, she said this cool thing the other day. We were kind of, kind of kind of friends before, right?”

“Yeah, kind of kind of.” Jade felt a little bad again. They probably could have been better friends way sooner; she didn’t see how, though. Mostly she’d just made fun of him. It was kind of nice to know that Robbie had been thinking of her sometimes (NOT LIKE THAT); maybe that was weird. She never really felt important to that many people.

It was still pretty early when they got back to Robbie’s house, not even nine. Robbie’s mom was at work and Alice was at her dad’s; Robbie’d told Jade that his dad had been complaining and was probably going to start making him going there on the weekends again. Robbie was dreading it. Jade kind of was too.

He didn’t have to go to his dad’s this weekend, though. Robbie got them drinks (bottled water because Jade had drank like all of their soda over the last week; she was going to have to go and get groceries to make up for it) and they went up into his room. They hadn’t specifically made plans for her to sleep over but she figured she probably would. She kept waiting for Robbie’s mom to mind or start calling her a harlot. They watched _Celebrities Under Water_ and Robbie made her laugh a lot. They inevitably started making out because they always started making out when they were alone without Alice for longer than four minutes.

Robbie got her t-shirt off and she helped him take her bra off. She felt strangely shy; it was the first time she’d actually taken her bra off in front of him. It was probably so weird because they’d done other stuff and had sex half a dozen times. She hated that she had let Rider take her bra off, even though it had been really dark in the room and had only been for like four minutes. Jade laid back on his bed and tried hard not to feel weird with Robbie looking at her. He used two fingers to trace the little scar that went up the side of her ribcage.

“I know it’s so ugly.” Jade closed her eyes.

“AUGH!” said Robbie. He climbed over her on the bed; he grabbed her shoulders and shook her, not hard. “Shut up, you are NOT UGLY!”

Jade looked at him and started laughing. “Do that again, you made my nipples hard.”

“Oh my god, shut up.” Robbie looked down. “Oh, interesting.”

“Ew, okay, you sound like Cat.”

“Do not say that stuff to me while you are shirtless in my bed, woman!” Robbie flopped down and starting kissing her stomach. He kissed his way up the scar on her ribcage; he stopped where it met the underside of her boob. She could feel his breath on her skin.

Jade closed her eyes again. “Keep going,” she said.

Robbie kept going. His teeth scraped against her nipple; it sent little shocks going down her stomach. She put her hands in his hair as he kissed her breasts. He made her feel so good. She grinned and then started laughing; he could never yell at lunch again that he’d never licked a boob.

Robbie lifted his head; he looked silly. “What, is it bad?”

“No, you’re fine. So glad you are not my decapitated father from _ _Reanimator.__ ”

Robbie laughed too; he smiled at her. He leaned up and kissed her. Jade shifted her hips under him and started unbuttoning his jeans. It was a really good night; it was a good thing Alice wasn’t home.


	26. Chapter Twenty-Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Dude, I totally want to watch _Grey’s Anatomy_ with your mom and eat cookies,” Jade told him. “Any food, really. And I won’t even have to deal with you in the background making comments? Sounds amazing.”

**Chapter Twenty-Six**

 

March went by; March was going great. It was the best March in a long time.

She spent a lot of time with Robbie and a lot of time with Cat, too. Mostly Robbie; they had a lot of sex in March. Probably a normal teenaged amount of sex. Jade slept over at Robbie’s one Friday and then the next Saturday; he’d wake her up two or three times, kissing her neck or touching her hair. She’d wake up and then they’d end up having sex. She wondered if Robbie ever slept; she enjoyed having sex with him so she didn’t mind.

Even though they were having normal amounts of teenaged sex, Jade still kind of felt like she was spending too much time with Robbie; that little annoying part in the back of her brain that always screamed _NEEDY!_ was saying she spent too much time with him. She didn’t know why it was always screaming that; she mostly ignored it. She didn’t just hang out with Robbie. She hung out with Cat. She hung out with Cat and Andre, twice. She hung out with eight year olds.

They took Victor and July out a lot, about once a week, usually on the weeknight that they didn’t have work. Craig had taken Jade aside and apologized to her and said that he needed her and Robbie to work some separate days; he was short on people because Stella was still out because of her gross foot. He mostly needed Jade to work Sundays and Tuesdays and Thursdays after school and he needed Robbie for nights.

Jade didn’t mind that much. She figured she could have a way meaner boss who yelled at her what to do instead of pulling her aside and saying sorry. She told Craig that she’d gotten to work without Robbie before and she could handle it again. “But can he handle it?” Craig asked her, super serious and making fun of her and Robbie like usual, mostly Robbie. Jade rolled her eyes and went off to clean the menus before the dinner rush.

So there was the work thing; Robbie still picked her up on the nights that she worked which was nice. They usually took July and Victor out on Wednesday nights; the weekend was reserved for sexy times or watching Dawson’s Creek with Alice. Sometimes they went on Sunday if they both had off. They took the kids to the arcade and to get food and to whatever drippy museum Robbie had his eye on. July liked Jade the most and Victor liked making fun of Robbie the most.

It was Wednesday night now and they weren’t hanging out with the boys; they were studying for a history test at Cat’s. Cat had actually been going to come along with them but July had the flu so they had decided to just postpone. “Next week then!” Cat said. She was really excited to meet Victor and July.

Jade was a little bit glad that they weren’t doing something with the boys; Cat was very kid-friendly and Jade didn’t want them to like Cat more. It was such a shitty thing to think because she was friends with Cat. But they didn’t need to like her more.

Anyway they were at Cat’s house, doing the study thing. Jade had never actually studied before she’d started hanging out with Cat and Robbie; apparently it was a whole process. Cat had two pink history notebooksand a big deck of note cards that she’d flick at Robbie when he got one of her questions wrong. She’d flicked a lot of cards at him. She also had a huge pair of thick reading glasses on.

Jade had stared at her. Cat sat at her huge desk like a queen of European history. “I didn’t know you wore glasses,” she said.

Cat glared. “I don’t!” she said.

Robbie cackled at her. “They’re her reading bifocals, she is blind as a bat,” he told Jade.

Cat flicked another card at him; she had amazing strength. It sailed across the room and hit him in the cheek. “Shut up, Robbie!” She flicked another card at him. “What year was the Turkish war of independence?”

Robbie batted the card away. “I don’t know!” he said. “Which one? I thought we were talking about Egypt!”

“It’s the same year!”

“1919,” Jade said. It was a good year. Not for the Egyptians or the Turks.

“You are so smart, why do you know that,” Robbie said.

“It is literally on this flashcard she just threw at your face.”

“I don’t have time to look at flashcards, I’m American, I don’t need to be cultured.”

Jade and Cat rolled their eyes; Robbie was so going to get a C in this class. Cat turned and scribbled some stuff into her second pink notebook. The second pink notebook was basically all the stuff Robbie didn’t know. Jade sensed Cat was gonna beat him with it before their test on Friday.

Jade and Robbie were sitting on Cat’s bed and slacking off; they kept doing stupid things with their hands. Robbie finally got two questions right and Cat allowed him to have a soda. He came and sat back down and put his hand over Jade’s; she covered it with her other hand. Robbie was defeated because he could only use one hand since he was holding a soda with his other. Jade wasn’t sure how this meant he was defeated but he was defeated.

Cat smiled at them. “You guys are so cute, I’m going to get another nosebleed,” she said. “Hey, what is your actual anniversary, I want to have a party when you get to six months.”

Robbie actually didn’t yell his self-deprecating shit and say that Jade was going to dump him before six months. He looked weirdly shy. “I don’t know, do we have an actual anniversary?” he asked Jade.

“How do you not know it?!” Cat demanded. “Robbie!”

“I do know it!” Robbie snapped at her. “Maybe! There are multiple dates. First kiss, first time she told me my hair looked okay, first time we held hands in a science museum.”

“You guys are so risque, can’t believe you didn’t get kicked out.”

Jade knew he knew the date they’d first held hands in the science museum. “I first assaulted him on Christmas Eve, I don’t know if that counts.”

“Ooooooh!” said Cat. She looked excited and Cat-like; Jade dreaded their potential anniversary party. “That is a great anniversary, that totally counts. I like that anniversary, that’s almost three months!”

“I like almost three months,” Jade said. It was a nice stable amount of time.

Robbie smiled at her; he looked all shy on Cat’s bed sitting and holding his Peppy Cola. “Okay,” he said. “So do I have to buy you a big present in thirteen days?”

“Oh, definitely,” said Jade. She was mostly joking but a little bit not. She liked three months and she also liked big presents. Robbie looked like he was about to make a joke about his penis being the big present, which was not appropriate because they were in front of Cat. Jade flicked another notecard at him.

 

Robbie had to go to his dad’s with Alice that weekend; he was not looking forward to it. He was also definitely getting a C on his History test just like Jade predicted. He was very cranky on Friday, and had a paper cut on his neck from Cat flicking notecards at him. He and Jade were in his room after school and Jade was organizing his movie collection while he packed clothes for his dad’s house and acted cranky.

Jade was organizing his DVDs first by horror genre: monsters (vampires counted as monsters; they had argued about it for three minutes), ghosts and ghouls, and slasher. Thrillers got their own section. Robbie, in addition to being cranky, was also just a terrible messy person, none of the movies were in their proper case. “You are like the most disorganized person I’ve ever met, I’m surprised you haven’t lost or killed Ginger or Einstein,” Jade told him. She dumped a pile of DVDs onto his floor.

Robbie still looked cranky, probably because they were in his room and not having intercourse. “I have a creative process, you don’t understand it,” he said. “Neither does my mother, ha ha. Also Ginger is a family cat, she is not my responsibility. I did lose Einstein once for two days, my mom found him in the sink. He pooped on our Thanksgiving dishes.”

Jade laughed. She opened up the _Prince of Darkness_ case to put the DVD back in; there was already one in there. It had star stickers on it and said ROBBIE! in girly handwriting. It was not Cat’s handwriting, the only other girl that Robbie was allowed to interact with. Jade scowled at it. She waved the case at him. “What’s this?”

“What?” Robbie looked up; he was crankily comparing two pink shirts; he needed to find the one that would annoy his father the most. “What, what, that’s a CD.”

“I see that,” Jade told him patiently. She asked, slightly less patiently, “What girl is giving you CDs with stickers and shit on them?”

She scowled at herself, too, internally. She sounded like the Jade that had screamed at Beck that he could only talk to ugly girls. She didn’t want to be that Jade anymore. But also girls didn’t need to be making Robbie CDs. Grr.

“Ha ha,” Robbie said. He had a weird look on his face, like he was trying not to smile. He was the worst. “Are you jealous? That could be Andre’s handwriting.”

“NO,” Jade said. She stopped herself from saying ‘I just want to know who I have to find and murder.’ It was totally not Andre’s handwriting, though she could see him using the stars.

“That is super old, I really did not think I had that anymore, I thought I burned all the items my first love gave me.” Jade rolled her eyes and Robbie did smile. “Amy from camp made me that, she sent it to me before I freaked her out writing her five depressing letters about my parents getting divorced. I think it has girl music on it, probably.”

Jade scowled even more, externally and internally. “You kept a CD from Fat Amy?”

Robbie laughed. “Don’t, don’t call her that! I didn’t know that I had it anymore, I haven’t listened to it since like freshman year. Can I have that, actually?”

“NO,” Jade said again. She was going to throw it out the window. “What the fuck, I could make you a way better CD than this. Actually, that’s what I’m gonna do this weekend while you’re not here.”

“Really?” Robbie looked really happy.

“Yup, I am gonna make you the best CD, it is gonna be so sexy. You’re gonna come like five times listening to my CD.”

Robbie started laughing. “Um, god, I really hope not, I’d be so tired.”

“We’ll see,” Jade said. “Or do you want a Pandora playlist, you’ll also come five times listening to that.”

“I want a CD, I can show it to people, well, Cat anyway.”

“Okay.” Jade thought about it. Her shitty laptop at her mom’s house was old, but it could probably handle burning a CD. “So what are you going to do at your dad’s?”

“He will probably either take me and Alice out to dinner and disgust us talking about his hot secretary girlfriend, or ignore us to take his hot secretary girlfriend out to dinner. Then he will lecture me about what a loser I am for not participating in any after school sports and tell me I need to get a better job. Then he and Alice will go shopping. I would rather do anything that be at my dad’s, I would rather be with you.”

That sounded like such a lovely time, really. “Why exactly do you have to go?” Jade asked him. He was eighteen now; he didn’t have to do anything.

Robbie shrugged. “Alice wants me to go,” he said. “My mom gave me another pep talk on Wednesday night about how I only have one father. Even if he is a jerk. It’s just easier to go, I don’t want to disappoint Alice.”

“I guess.” Jade tossed the ROBBIE! CD into a corner and put away _Prince of Darkness._ She hoped that Mrs. Shapiro wasn’t shipping Robbie away because she thought Jade was over too much or anything. She liked Robbie’s mom and didn’t want to be a burden.

“Also, my mother, who is terrible, wanted me to ask you if you would come over on Sunday, she wants you to watch the,” Robbie made a horrible face at her, “ _Grey’s Anatomy_ marathon with her.”

“Really?” Jade said. She and Mrs. Shapiro both loved Jackson; Robbie hated it.

“She said it’s fine if you are busy, what with being a teenaged girl. I think my mom is lonely, she works all the time and her best friend moved away two years ago to get married. She likes you, she said you guys can make cookies.”

“Really?” Jade said again.

Robbie got his pinched look on his face. “Is that really weird, yep, that is really weird, I am asking you to hang out with my mother. She asked me to ask you! I am not Norman Bates, I’m not saying that you have to – “

“Dude, I totally want to watch _Grey’s Anatomy_ with your mom and eat cookies,” Jade told him. “Any food, really. And I won’t even have to deal with you in the background making comments? Sounds amazing.”

“OKAY, THEY PLAY THAT DAMIEN RICE SONG LIKE EVERY THREE EPISODES – “

Jade was laughing at him. “I’m going to Cat’s house tomorrow and Sunday I’m gonna stare at Jesse Williams all day with your mom; you’re going to be so sad at your dad’s house.”

Robbie looked depressed. “I am going to be so sad at my dad’s house! We could be having intercourse!”

“Ha ha, not while Jesse Williams is on TV.”

“I’M SORRY I CAN’T BE A BEAUTIFUL HALF-BLACK MAN, I CAN ONLY WORK WITH WHAT GOD GAVE ME,” Robbie said. He looked even more depressed, it was difficult not to be a beautiful half-black man.

“Okay, okay, can you stop screaming at me, angry white man?” Robbie looked like he was going to scream some more; he was really cranky. Jade thought about it quickly; she threw _Prince of Darkness_ at his face before he could start screaming about only being half-Jewish or something. “Hey, why don’t you write me a letter while you’re at your dad’s?”

Robbie caught _Prince of Darkness_ two inches from his face. “A what?”

“Fat Amy got letters, I am way better than her. How long was your stupid love letter to her at camp, like two pages?”

“Ha ha,” Robbie said. “It was three, but my handwriting is very big. I am so embarrassed that I told you that.”

“Okay, I think I also deserve at least three pages. You can draw me something too.”

Robbie looked a little overwhelmed. “You want me to write you a love letter?”

Jade rolled her eyes. “It doesn’t have to be a love letter, you can just write what you want. Won’t it give you something to do? I love shit like that, I still have notes Beck gave me from like freshman year.”

Robbie looked enraged and cranky; she hadn’t meant to make him look like that. “I COULD WRITE YOU A WAY BETTER NOTE THAN BECK,” he said.

“I know you could,” Jade soothed him. She really hadn’t meant to mention Beck; it was just habit. And she did love shit like that, probably because she was so lonely and a freak and weird. She had all the notes and cards Beck had ever gave her; she had a yearbook from six grade that all her friends had signed, right after her accident with her brother. She even still had a stupid picture of Sikowitz that Cat had drawn for her at the start of this year.

“I’m going to write you the best letter, you’re going to come like five times looking at my letter,” Robbie went on.

“That’s interesting, you’re actually going to come six times listening to my mix CD, I just decided.”

“Oh really? You’re upping the stakes?” Robbie said. He was grinning at her. “Also, that is so much jizz, I seriously don’t think I could come like six times in a day.” He thought about it. “Actually, once, when I was fourteen – “

“OH MY GOD, OKAY, TOO MUCH!” Jade yelled. Robbie laughed a lot.

“I was joking, I was joking!”

“I don’t know,” Jade told him doubtfully. “Can we stop talking about ejaculatory fluids?”

“So hot that you said those words, also, you started it!”

“And now I am ending it,” Jade told him with finality. She climbed up onto his bed next to him and helped him decide which pink shirt was worse. “Do you still have those camouflage pants from sophomore year?”


	27. Chapter Twenty-Seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “It was not really a fight, my dad is a jerk,” Robbie said. “I don’t even remember what it was about. I think he is cheating on his secretary girlfriend, she made me pancakes this morning.”
> 
> Jade wasn’t sure if the pancakes were indicative of Robbie’s dad being a cheater. “Do you want to talk about it?”
> 
> “The pancakes? They were pumpkin.”

**Chapter Twenty-Seven**

 

Jade worked on her CD for Robbie on Friday night, it was a big process. She slept over at Cat’s house on Saturday; she and Cat went to the not-work diner for breakfast the next morning. They’d watched three romantic comedies and Cat made Jade laugh too much, acting out the dramatic parts of _13 Going on 30_ over her sunny side up eggs. They both thought Mark Ruffalo was a babe in that movie; it was sad that he’d just become the Incredible Hulk. Then Jade went to Robbie’s house and watched Grey’s Anatomy with his mom for five hours. They made tacos for dinner and Robbie’s mom drank a margarita. She did not ask Jade what Jade’s intentions towards her son were; Jade was so grateful.

They talked about the classes Jade had with Robbie and Mrs. Shapiro talked about her second job where she filled medical prescriptions and talked about her horrible husband. She didn’t say that much but he sounded horrible. She’d supported him while he went to college and then he hadn’t wanted her to go back to school after she’d had Robbie. She still didn’t have her bachelor’s; she had a dental hygienist cert and an x-ray license.

“What would you want to do?” Jade asked. “You could go to UCLA, my brother went there. They have a dental program. My brother got a business degree from there. You could go to State with me and Cat next year.”

Robbie’s mom laughed, a lot. “Robbie would love that so much. His father would love that too, you know.”

Jade wasn’t sure where Robbie was going to college next year; she was afraid to ask him. “Robbie says he doesn’t really get along with his dad,” she said instead.

Robbie’s mom shook her head. “He never has,” she said. “Eli is always so hard on him.” Jade thought Eli was the most Jewish name that she’d ever heard in her life. Eli Roth was probably Jewish. “He always expects so much of people. And Robbie takes everything to heart. He always has. He’s so sensitive. He doesn’t think that I know about it, I know that he … “

The kitchen door banged open and then Alice was running into the room. Jade felt a teeny bit disappointed; she’d wanted to hear what Robbie’s mom had been going to say. “Hi Mom!” Alice said. “Hi Jade! We’re back! Robbie and Dad got into a fight at the skating rink!”

“IT WASN’T A FIGHT,” Robbie said. He was coming into the living room holding his and Alice’s backpack. He looked surprised and then happy. “Hi, you’re actually here,” he said to Jade. He glared at the TV; Jesse Williams was looking gorgeous in his surgery scrubs. “Wow, I see you two are having such fun.”

“Robert, did you fight with your father at the skating rink?” Mrs. Shapiro asked.

“IT WASN’T A FIGHT!” said Robbie. “I CAN’T RAISE MY VOICE?” He gasped at his mom’s margarita glass. “Oh my god, are you drinking?”

“Could you stop acting like my deceased father?” Robbie’s mom asked him. Robbie turned purple and looked very disgruntled. “You two are home early, why are you ruining my time with Jade?”

“Were you talking about me?” Robbie demanded. He was still purple. “Oh my god you were. What were you saying?”

“Not everything is about you, Robbie,” Alice told him. She was taking her backpack from him. “They were probably talking about me!”

“Totally talking about you, Alice,” Jade said. “Learning so much stuff about you.”

Alice preened; she looked silly striking a pose with her backpack. “Dad bought me Skyrim finally, I’m taking Robbie’s laptop to play it.”

“No you’re not!” Robbie said. Alice ignored him and dashed upstairs. Robbie sat on the couch and looked grouchy; they all watched one more episode of Grey’s Anatomy and then Mrs. Shapiro had to go and get ready for her night job. Robbie stretched out on the couch. He put his head in Jade’s lap and gave her the remote. She combed one hand through his hair and flicked through the channels. She hesitated on the POP! Network; _Can’t Hardly Wait_ was on.

“So, big fight at the skating rink,” Jade said. “Did you actually skate?”

“I am so awesome at skating, I can glide like nobody’s business,” Robbie said. “Alice will tell you. One day you’ll see.”

“I … hope so.”

“It was not really a fight, my dad is a jerk,” Robbie said. “I don’t even remember what it was about. I think he is cheating on his secretary girlfriend, she made me pancakes this morning.”

Jade wasn’t sure if the pancakes were indicative of Robbie’s dad being a cheater. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“The pancakes? They were pumpkin.”

Jade rolled her eyes. She guessed she wasn’t going to get anything more out of him. They watched _Can’t Hardly Wait_ and then went up to Robbie’s room. It was pretty early, not even ten-thirty, but Jade was tired from being at Cat’s yesterday and Robbie was tired from being at his horrible father’s. “I should probably go home,” she said.

“Why? Can’t you stay over?”

“It’s Sunday night,” Jade pointed out. They had school the next day; she didn’t want his mom to freak out.

“So what? I’ll take you to school tomorrow. I missed you.”

“I missed you too,” Jade said. She had. “I don’t want your mom to freak out.”

“My mom likes you, she wouldn’t mind. She’ll be at work until like ten am.”

“You guys probably talk about what a sad little street urchin I am,” Jade said.

Robbie rolled his eyes at her. “You’re not a street urchin, you have a house!” he said. “I don’t, I don’t tell my mom anything about you that’s bad, there’s nothing bad. Did you not pack any clothes?” He laid on his little bed and struck a seductive pose. “Can you really walk out and leave all this?” He was still wearing the pink shirt.

Jade laughed at him. “I guess not,” she said. “I do have clothes, but only because I packed extra when I stayed at Cat’s.”

“Ha!” Robbie grabbed her and pulled her onto the bed.

“Okay, okay. Stop manhandling me, you leech.” Jade let Robbie put on one of his horror movies. They kissed for a while and then she fell asleep on his chest.

She woke up a couple hours later to Robbie running his hands through her hair. She rolled around and curled up around him; she slid her hands under his shirt and touched his stomach. “Why do you do this.”

“Sorry. Sorry, you are too pretty. Are you okay?”

“Mmm,” said Jade. She didn’t know why he was waking her up to ask if she was okay. Einstein’s little light was on; the room was dim and comfy and Jade felt so safe there. She always felt so good with Robbie; she felt so safe. His room was probably her favorite place in the world.

She didn’t mind him waking her up. She tugged at his shirt until he took it off. Robbie looked different without his glasses; his dark eyes were so big. They kissed for a little bit and Jade closed her eyes. She ran her hands through his hair; she touched his chest and his stomach and the scars on his stomach and his hips. She didn’t mind the scars. She was used to them. She could feel them under her fingertips, little upraised lines, like braille or something. She was reading Robbie. She was being so corny in her head because it was 3am and she was touching him in his bed.

Jade loved being with Robbie in his bed; it was her favorite place in the world. Robbie kissed her and put his hands in her hair; he opened his mouth when she kissed him and she kept touching him. She wondered if he got turned on when she touched his scars; he was basically always turned on, it was great. He kissed her really hard when she touched them. She didn’t mind the scars. She had them too. It was like a secret, the way he looked. No one was ever going to feel about him the way she felt, safe in his little room. She curled around him even closer; she could feel him, hard against her leg. She started pulling him on top of her.

“I’m, I don’t, we don’t have any condoms left,” Robbie reminded her.

“Birth control,” Jade reminded him too. She’d been back on the pill since before the Valentine’s Day dance; it’d cost her sixty bucks at the clinic for a three-month supply. Her period this month had only lasted two days and that was awesome; she was good to go.

“Are you sure?” Robbie asked her. It was 3am and he was talking way too much. Two sentences was too much. “If I knock you up, we are gonna have to get married. After my mother murders me. I’ll take your last name if you want. Aren’t you supposed to wait three months on the pill?”

Jade rolled her eyes; he was going to turn her off talking about taking her last name. “It’s not 1972, just fuck me.”

Robbie was letting her take his boxers off. “I, you’re so compelling,” he said. “Are you sure?” He was really hard but he was still making his pinched nervous face; she could see it in the weak light.

“Oh my god,” Jade said. She couldn’t believe Robbie’d woke her up being horny and she still had to give him a lecture on safe sex. “Dude, the pill is effective as soon as you take it on your period, at most it takes a week. I had to talk to a lady for twelve minutes; I got a fucking pap smear for you. I’’m gaining water weight. You’re not going to knock me up, can you please just fuck me.”

Robbie was smiling; he hooked his fingers in her underwear and pulled them down. He touched her for a few minutes, real slow, making sure she was ready. She loved him touching her. He always did everything so slow; he wanted to kill her. “You are so amazing,” he said.

“Come the fuck on, dude.” She was so romantic, too. Robbie rolled on top of her; Jade hooked one of her legs around his ankle.

Robbie made a great face; she started laughing at it. Einstein plopped into his pond; he was always most active at 3am when they were having weekend sex. It felt so much better without a condom. “Oh God, okay this one is really gonna be twenty seconds.”

Jade laughed. “No, come on!” She bit her lip really hard when Robbie pressed all the way into her. She didn’t know why he felt so good; the last time she’d been on birth control she’d just instantly never wanted to have sex. “Okay, can you do forty?”

“Oh my god,” Robbie said. He made another great face and put his head against her shoulder. “I don’t know.” His hair was tickling her shoulder; Jade kissed the side of his neck. “I love you. God.”

“Not God, just Jade.” She laughed when he bit her shoulder. Einstein splashed in annoyance. Them having so much sex was probably not good for his turtle anxiety.


	28. Chapter Twenty-Eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> > Jade stared at the sink blankly for a couple seconds. She stared at the water not coming out of the sink. She felt like a robot whose battery had short-circuited, staring at the sink. She remembered getting all the red slips in the mail and putting them out on the coffee table for her mom to see; she’d even yelled her head off once last week when Danny hadn’t been there.

 

**Chapter Twenty-Eight**

 

Jade and Robbie got into a stupid fight exactly four days before their stupid three month anniversary. It really sucked.

It was their first fight and it was a really stupid fight. It was Jade’s fault. It was a really stupid fight because Jade was stupid; she didn’t know why she had to keep being stupid. It probably wasn’t a big fight but Jade felt like it was a big fight because she’d hurt Robbie. She was so stupid.

The fight was also Jade’s mom’s fault, because she was stupid and terrible. Jade hated thinking these things about her mom but sometimes she was stupid and terrible. Jade didn’t understand her. She didn’t know why her mom couldn’t be responsible anymore.

It was Wednesday night the next week and Cat dropped her off at her house; they’d just been shopping for five hours. Cat loved torturing Jade and shopping for five hours. They’d been to two malls.

It wasn’t really torture; Jade just liked acting like it was. She hadn’t had a real girl friend in forever. She liked looking at clothes and picking out shoes for Cat, even though they had totally different styles. She’d dropped eighty bucks on a huge horror compilation for Robbie; it was going to be his big present and she was feeling pretty good about it. It was a bunch of horror shit from the 70s and four of the movies had never been released on DVD before. Robbie loved the 70s; there were so many boobs. Everything was remastered and it came in a cool tin case. It even had _The Sentinel_ on it and Robbie’d gone on about _The Sentinel_ for four minutes before; apparently it was impossible to get on DVD. She was super proud of herself for remembering it.

Jade said bye and goodnight to Cat and went into her house. It was all dark again; Mom had left on her singing gig four days ago and it was awesome not to have to deal with anyone at home. Her dad had called her twice but she hadn’t answered him; he was probably trying to get her to visit so that he could act like he didn’t hate her and fail miserably. She’d rather be alone.

Jade hung out in her kitchen. She was feeling pretty good. She and Robbie’s mom had made pasta salad two nights ago and Robbie’s mom had given her half to take home. She got her plate out to eat dinner. She was feeling pretty good right up until she went to get a glass of water and she turned the sink tap on and nothing happened.

Jade stared at the sink blankly for a couple seconds. She stared at the water not coming out of the sink. She felt like a robot whose battery had short-circuited, staring at the sink. She remembered getting all the red slips in the mail and putting them out on the coffee table for her mom to see; she’d even yelled her head off once last week when Danny hadn’t been there.

She put her pasta down on the counter and went and looked at the coffee table. The red slips from the water company were still there, half-buried under a bunch of other crap Mom had left behind. Jade hadn’t gotten around to cleaning up yet.

She stared at the red slips and felt pretty stupid. She should have made sure that her mom was going to pay them, or at least gone and done it herself. She hadn’t taken a shower since yesterday, and that was only because she and Robbie had had sex after he’d dropped her off from work and she’d been all gross. She hadn’t washed her hair or shaved her legs or under her arms or anything.

She stood frowning at the coffee table for a while. Eventually she got her pasta and sat down at the couch by herself and ate it; she probably still had a frown on her face.

Robbie texted her and asked if she’d had fun with Cat. He asked if she was home yet but Jade didn’t answer him. She looked at his texts on her phone and felt annoyed at him. He didn’t know her water was turned off and it definitely wasn’t his fault but she felt annoyed at him. Robbie’s mom would never let their water get shut off; she worked two jobs so that Robbie and Alice could have everything they needed.

She got up and put her plate in the sink; she didn’t rinse it off because she was a dummy who’d let her water get shut off. She found a water bottle hidden deep in the back of the fridge and used it to brush her teeth. She laid in her bed that she and Robbie had had sex in last night; it kind of smelled like they’d had sex in it. She was definitely going to have to wash her sheets. Whenever she got the water turned back on. If it ever came back on, she thought, feeling all maudlin.

It made her wonder how much Robbie had to wash his sheets; they had way more sex in his bed and it didn’t smell like sex. He was clearly more responsible than her. That annoyed her too, a little bit. She fell asleep thinking she’d have to ask him about his sheets.

 

She woke up the next morning; the water was still off and she still felt annoyed. It wasn’t nearly as bad as when the power had got turned off but it still sucked. She was also more annoyed than when the power had gone off: she should have known better now. She peed in their gross toilet and used the rest of the water bottle to wash her face and brush her teeth again. She got changed for school and went out into the living room and looked at one of the red slips. Robbie had texted her again and she told him she’d take the bus that morning. She needed some time alone to think and be annoyed.

She was annoyed through all of her morning classes but she didn’t think anyone noticed; they did Scenes From a Hat in Improv and silent reading in English. No one really talked to her in Math aside from Beck sometimes. Beck was used to her being annoyed.

Jade sat at lunch with Robbie and Cat and Andre. She tried to smile at Robbie but she felt gross; it was hard to smile at him. Her hair felt greasy and she still felt annoyed at everything.

Everyone was talking too much. Cat was trying to figure out if she could get Helen to let her use the Black Box again for a spring dance next month. She jumped up and ran off halfway through lunch to ask her even though Helen had made a screaming announcement last year that Cat specifically was not allowed to come and bother her during lunch. Andre sighed and trailed after her to do damage control; they were casual sex friends but they weren’t casual friend friends. If Jade wasn’t in a bad mood she’d think it was really cute that Andre was always sighing and trailing after Cat.

Robbie smiled at her; it was his nervous smile. It bothered her that it was his nervous smile; she was just sitting there. “Hey, are you okay?” he asked.

“Yeah, I’m okay.”

“Want me to take you to work?”

“Oh.” Shit. She’d forgotten about work; she had to go in right after school. She was going to have to call Craig and fake-cry and tell him she needed off. She’d decided during English that she was going to take the bus and pay the water bill; she had her wallet full of cash with her this time. “No, I’m not going in today. I have to do stuff.”

Robbie blinked. “Oh, okay. What stuff do you have to do?”

Jade rolled her eyes at him. She didn’t want to tell him about the water bill; he’d get that stupid look on his face and start going on about how terrible her mother was. Her mother was terrible but she really didn’t feel like hearing it from Robbie. She felt like he was asking her too many questions even though he’d only asked two. “It doesn’t matter.”

Robbie made a little face at her. He looked kind of amused at her, which was annoying. “Secret mission?”

Jade was looking at her untouched lunch tray. “I guess.”

“Okay,” Robbie said. The amusement was fading. “Are you, um, you really won’t tell me what you’re doing?”

“Maybe I have a date, dummy,” she told him sarcastically. Then she instantly felt bad. There was no need for her to say shit like that to Robbie; he would probably not laugh about it like Beck would.

Robbie stared at her. “Do you?”

“Oh my god.” She stopped feeling bad; he was so stupid. “No, you idiot!”

Robbie looked skeptical. It made her feel even more annoyed. “Okay. Is it that guy from your science class?”

“Oh my god,” Jade said again. She couldn’t believe he really thought she would be going on a date with another guy. If he was being sarcastic, he was doing a really bad job at it. “Are you insane? What guy from my science class?”

“You – the guy! With the hair. He likes you, you know. Cat says too.”

“Oh my god,” Jade said for a third time. “Do you guys have secret cameras in my Bio Lab? Are you spying on me and my lab partner?”

“He, he walks you to your study hall sometimes, I know, I mean I know what it looks like when a guy likes someone.”

Jade tried to think of a time when anyone had walked her to study hall ever. She really didn’t know what the hell Robbie was talking about. “Do you mean _Richard?_ ” she asked finally. He really was her lab partner; she thought they’d had maybe two conversations ever that didn’t revolve around test tubes.

“I guess so.” Robbie had gone from his insecure frowny face to his pinched nervous face. It made Jade roll her eyes.

“Oh my god dude, I’m not going out with Richard from Bio class.”

“You just said you had a date, I was asking who it was.”

“Ooooh my fucking god, Robbie!” said Jade. “I’m obviously not going on a date with someone else. We don’t even go on dates, we watch Dawson’s Creek with your sister and go bowling with eight year olds.”

Robbie stared at her. “Um. Do you ... want to go on more dates?”

“I want you to stop asking me eighty questions,” Jade told him. “I need to tell you every single thing I’m doing every day?”

“I, no, I was just – “

“I’m already practically your ugly conjoined twin, can I have an afternoon to myself for one day?”

Robbie looked really hurt. “I, of course you can. I just, I just wanted to know what you were doing. I’m sorry.”

“Whatever.” Jade scowled at him. “I can’t believe you’d think I’d cheat on you and then tell you I was gonna do it.”

“I wasn’t, wasn’t really – “

“I’m actually done talking to you, I have to go and call Craig.” She stormed off and left him sitting at the table. She was glad he didn’t follow her.

She almost did real-cry on the phone to Craig instead of faking-crying; he was so nice to her. It was a weird contrast, someone being so nice to you just after you’d been so mean to someone. She’d never called out before and Craig said it was okay. He said he’d help Emily wait tables; it would get Emily more tips. Craig hated waiting tables. He said, “You okay, kid?”

“Sure,” Jade said. Him asking her that made her feel really lonely. She didn’t know if he wanted an excuse for her calling out. She said, “I, my mom’s not home. I have to go and pay our water bill, it’s gonna get shut off.” It was almost not a lie.

Craig said, “Shit, I’m sorry, Jade.” He said, “Make Robbie take you to pay it. Make him pay it actually.”

“Um, he doesn’t know about it,” Jade said. She didn’t think Craig’d want to hear that she and Robbie were fighting because she’d told him she had a date and then said they were ugly conjoined twins. God, she was awful. She had said those things even though she didn’t mean them.

“Oh. Okay. Right, I got you. I won’t say anything.”

“Okay,” Jade said. “See you Saturday.”

“See you, kid.”

Jade hung up her phone and went to her writing class. Then she went to her science class; Tuesday through Thursday they had a double period for lab and she didn’t have study hall. She inspected Richard as they did their lab to see if she could could spot any signs of him liking her. He went up and got all their materials as usual, but that was just because she was lazy. She also felt like she could feel Cat and Robbie watching her from a secret camera, because she was insane and had insane friends. Richard smiled at her when he caught her staring which was annoying.

The closest American Water was still all the way across the city; Jade had to take three separate buses to get there. She had to sit and wait a half hour for one of them. It was starting to rain out and it was cold and it sucked. She finally got there a little after five and waited in line forever to pay the bill. It wasn’t nearly as much as the electric bill had been. Even so, it had not been paid in a year; Jade’s eyes practically bugged out of her head. She paid the whole thing so she wouldn’t have to worry about it for a while.

She walked sadly in the rain to the Starbucks that was down the street. She ordered the biggest coffee they had and sat at the counter in the corner, looking out at the cars passing by and feeling sorry for herself. They wouldn’t be coming out to turn her water back on until probably Saturday morning.

She didn’t care that much about the water anymore. She felt like a piece of shit for yelling at Robbie at lunch. He had pissed her off, asking her about Richard from Bio, but she’d been the one who’d ignored him all day and told him she had a date. She hadn’t needed to do that. She guessed she knew how insecure Robbie was and she hadn’t needed to say that stupid shit to him; she was so mean and she’d known it would hurt him. She didn’t need to yell at him not to ask her eighty questions, either. He’d just asked her if she wanted a ride to work. She always had such a temper and Robbie never deserved it. She’d thought she’d been getting better this year but maybe not. Obviously not.

She drank her coffee and felt bad. He was probably going to dump her now; she didn’t know if she could handle Robbie dumping her. Now she’d be stuck with his stupid 70s horror box set. She should just give it to him anyway.

She looked at her phone: it was almost six-fifty. Robbie was at work and he always took his break exactly at seven. She called him instead of texting; she waited until seven oh-eight to call him. He was probably outside in the parking lot being stupid with Emily.

“Hey,” she said when he answered. “Are you still mad at me?”

“Um,” Robbie said in a weird voice. “I’m not – I’m not mad.”

“Okay. Want to meet me at the not-work diner?”

“Um,” Robbie said again. “I’m, I’m at work right now. I, um ...”

“I know you’re at work. I waited til your break.”

“Oh. Thanks. Um, I get done at, at nine. Do you … want me to pick you up?”

Jade didn’t need him driving all over LA to come pick her up after she’d yelled at him and called him her conjoined twin. “No, I’ll meet you.”

“Okay. Okay, right. Sorry.”

Jade hung up; she couldn’t say anything too nice to him in case he was gonna dump her. She hoped he wouldn’t dump her. She didn’t want to think about him dumping her. She wondered if he’d still let her come over to watch TV with Alice. She needed to see Alice’s reaction to the time jump in the Dawson’s Creek finale.

It took her forever to get back across town; she’d wasted half the day on stupid buses. It was still raining as she walked the five blocks to the not-work diner. It was still raining and she was soaking wet and running late. Robbie was definitely gonna dump her. Life sucked ass.

Robbie stood up when he saw her walk into the not-work diner; he was sitting in their booth in the back. Their usual waitress looked back and forth between them slowly. Jade rolled her eyes: they all looked like they were in a Journey music video or some shit. She went over and sat down across from Robbie; her sneakers squeaked on the floor. “Hey.”

“Hi,” Robbie said. He tried to smile at her and couldn’t quite do it. “Um, I didn’t order anything for you. I am trying not to micromanage you tonight.”

“Thanks.” Jade looked up at their waitress, hovering with her little notepad. “Um, can I just have a coffee?” She’d had one at Starbucks but she needed another; some guy on the bus had sang Rusted Root songs for an hour and it had taken a lot out of her.

She turned back to Robbie; she didn’t know what to say to him. She also knew she looked like a drowned rat and that was making her feel less than stellar. “Um.”

“I’m sorry for, for being too much,” Robbie said. He looked all miserable and slouchy in the booth across from her; she hated that she’d made him look like that. “I’m sorry I asked you if you were going on a date with Richard from your Bio class. I, I don’t meant to make you feel like you have to spend every day with me.”

“I don’t feel like that,” Jade told him. “I was just annoyed. Not at you. I like being at your house all the time.”

“I didn’t mean to, uh, I mean we can go on more actual dates if you want.”

Jade felt slightly better; he might not be going to dump her after all. “No, I like watching Dawson’s Creek with Alice and going bowling,” she said. “I shouldn’t have said the date thing. I don’t know why I said that. I was being an asshole.”

“It’s okay.” Robbie still looked miserable; she needed to fix that.

“I don’t … care about Richard from Bio class,” Jade told him slowly. It was hard for her to say; she hated emotional shit. “I don’t care about any guys from Bio class. I only like you.”

“Okay,” said Robbie. He looked slightly less miserable but still unhappy. “Thanks for saying that. I’m sorry,” he said again.

“You don’t have to say sorry.”

“I don’t, I don’t mean to ask you eighty questions. You can have days to yourself if you want. I just, you’ve never not gone to work, I shouldn’t have asked you about it.”

Jade sighed. Robbie was her boyfriend; there was no reason why he shouldn’t ask her about work. She suddenly felt annoyed all over again for no reason. She didn’t know what was wrong with her. She rummaged around in her messenger bag. After a moment she found the huge receipt from the water company and flicked it at him.

Robbie uncrumpled the paper and stared at it for a few seconds. Finally he said, “You, oh. You had to go pay this?”

Jade nodded. “My water got shut off yesterday. I can’t get it back on til Saturday.”

“Oh.” Robbie got a huge frown on his face. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I don’t know.” She really didn’t know. She kind of knew. “I didn’t feel like hearing you scream about my mom for eight minutes.”

Robbie still had the huge frown. “I wasn’t, I’m sorry. You could just tell me to shut up.”

“You never shut up.”

Robbie ignored her rude comment. He frowned at the paper some more. “Can I pay this? I can give you the money that you paid.”

“No, dude!” Jade rolled her eyes. “I’m not your little baby like Alice, I don’t need you to change my diaper.”

“Thank you so much for that image,” Robbie said dryly. “I’m not, I know you’re not a baby. I just feel really bad.”

“I don’t _want_ you to feel bad,” Jade snapped. “Look, _that’s_ what annoys me, okay? I know you feel so bad for me. You feel all sorry for me. I know that’s your thing. My mom’s not like yours but it’s fine. I’m not some helpless little – “

Robbie looked really annoyed. “My _thing?_ What are you talking about?”

“Pretty sure we only even started hanging out because you feel sorry for me. I don’t need – “

“You are actually a crazy, insane female,” Robbie said. He was getting kind of loud. “We _just_ discussed me having a possible bubble gum shrine to you! I don’t feel sorry for you! I love you, you stupid shiksa!”

Their waitress was coming over with Jade’s coffee; she set it down quickly and made a great face. Jade stared at Robbie. “You do?”

Robbie was turning really red. “I, I’ve said it before.”

“When we were boning, that doesn’t count.”

“Yes it does!” said Robbie. “Don’t say boning! It counts the most! You don’t have to say it back or anything.”

“Okay.” Jade didn’t know what to say again. “So … you’re not dumping me, right?”

“No!” He was still really red. “And I don’t, I don’t feel sorry for you, you crazy person.”

“ _You’re_ a crazy person,” Jade said. She thought about it. “Okay, do I still get my big present in three days?”

Robbie rolled his eyes; he was starting to smile a little. “Yeah, you still get your big present. Surprise, it’s my penis!”

Their waitress was back again with Robbie’s chicken fingers; she made another great face and Robbie turned even redder. “Oh my god, it’s totally not my penis! Why, why would it be my penis!”

“Stop saying penis?” Jade advised him.

“Yep!” Robbie said.

“Can I eat some of your chicken fingers?” Jade asked him. “I had to take like six buses today. Very hungry and sad.”

“I’m so sorry, hungry sad Jade,” Robbie said. He frowned again and pushed his plate at her. “Again, I am definitely not micromanaging you, but I did totally get these in case you wanted them.”

“You’re really sweet, I really like you,” Jade said. She might more than like him; she didn’t want to say it if she wasn’t sure. She ate some of his fries. “Wait, did I say sorry for everything? I’m really sorry.”

“It’s okay.” Robbie watched her eat his food. He said, “You can totally shower at my house if you want.”

“Oh thank god,” Jade said.


	29. Chapter Twenty-Nine

**Chapter Twenty-Nine**

 

Jade’s parents weren’t able to make to her cheerleading competition; she was pretty used to that. Her dad had an emergency business meeting with a client and her mom was on a tour with her house band. Wyatt snuck into the auditorium late; he was wearing his leather jacket over his button-down shirt and stupid tie. He waved at her like a crazy person when she finally looked up and noticed him. Britney Spears was playing over the loudspeaker.

Jade dropped her baton and ran to him. She hadn’t seen her brother since she was a kid. She sat on the bleachers next to him; they could do the routine without her. “What are you doing here?” she asked him. She hadn’t seen him in years. The bleachers were all empty; it was weird that no one else had shown up. She felt like he shouldn’t be here either. There was a huge bright light coming at them from the window on the roof.

Wyatt turned to look at her. He wasn’t smiling like she was. “We have to meet Kristin at eight,” he reminded her. They were going to see Spider-Man 3. Kristin was insane about Tobey Maguire. “You’re making me late, Jane.” He reached up and brushed his hair back from his forehead; his hand came away smeared with blood. It started running down his hairline and into his eyes.

“I’m sorry,” Jade said. He always started falling apart in front of her; it was so horrible.

Wyatt stared at her. There was so much blood coming out of his mouth. He said, “I gotta go.” He said, “Jane.” She could barely hear him. That light in the sky was getting brighter and brighter, it was going to swallow her up.

“I’m sorry.”

“Jade. Jade.” She put her head in her hands; she was going to start screaming. “Jade. Jade?”

Jade opened her eyes. She wasn’t in her old gym on the bleachers; she wasn’t in Wyatt’s car either. She was in Robbie’s bed and he was staring at her. It was still Thursday night. Robbie’d taken her to his house so that she could shower. He’d been acting kind of weird; she didn’t blame him after how she’d treated him. Even so he’d told her she could stay over if she wanted to. She’d wanted to.

Jade sat up and looked at the little clock on his dresser; it was Friday morning really. “I’m okay.”

“Um.” Robbie chewed on his lip, looking at her. “You were, I think you were having a dream. I usually wake you up, I couldn’t wake you up.”

“Umm,” Jade said too. She was still only half-awake and she felt disoriented. She could still see Wyatt falling apart in his leather jacket and tie. “I did this before?”

“Just sometimes. You were talking this time. You kept saying, like, sorry. You looked, I, I don’t want you to have nightmares. I usually wake you up.”

Jade flopped back on his pillow. Robbie wasn’t really a nympho like she’d thought; she just woke him up all the time being a freak and talking to her dead brother. She didn’t really remember having any other dreams at his house but she guessed she must have. Jesus. “That is so embarrassing. Sorry.”

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I think so.” She felt kind of freaked out, really; Einstein’s little light was making her feel better though.

Robbie laid down too and looked at her; Jade grabbed his hand. Robbie ran his thumb over her knuckles. “What were you dreaming about?”

“My brother,” Jade said. She guessed she could tell him. “I have these nightmares about him. I guess they’re nightmares. He always starts,” it was hard to say it. “I guess it’s when he died. This time we were at my old school; we’re usually in the car. He was like bleeding and falling apart.”

“That’s so horrible. Do you dream about him a lot?”

“Apparently,” Jade said dryly. “God, I didn’t know I woke you up.”

“I am a light sleeper, it usually only happens when there’s a pretty girl in my bed. You aren’t that bad, you kind of, like, toss and turn and mumble a lot.”

“That’s so embarrassing,” Jade said again. “Sorry.”

“No, you, it’s fine.” They were still just lying there and holding hands. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“I’m fine.” Jade snuggled in closer to him and put her head on his chest; Robbie put his arm around her. She felt really sad for no reason. She felt sad about a bunch of things. “I’m sorry I was such a bitch today.”

“It’s okay. I know I am really annoying, I’m sorry too.”

“You’re not annoying.” She felt bad that he thought that. She had just been annoyed. “I wish you didn’t have to go to your dad’s tomorrow.”

“I know.” Robbie sounded sad. “Do you want me to write you another letter?”

“Yeah.” She’d liked his last one; he’d wrote a lot about how pretty she was and also described a bunch of people that had been passing by at the park he and Alice had been at.

“You should make me another CD, I only came like two times listening to this one last week.”

“Hmm,” said Jade. She was getting kind of sleepy already. “That’s not enough jizz. We need more.”

Robbie started laughing. “You’re so gross,” he said. He sounded happy; Jade smiled against his chest. She almost forgot about Wyatt with all the blood coming out of his mouth. “Do you, you want to do something on Monday? I can give you your big present.”

Monday was the 24th; they were counting that as their anniversary. “Yeah. Is it really your penis?”

Robbie laughed again. “No it’s not my penis. That, that’s an every day gift.”

“You’re so gross.”

“Mm,” said Robbie. He was playing with her hair; it felt nice. She fell asleep again feeling okay.

 

The weekend sucked; she was so used to being at Robbie’s house. Cat wanted to hang out with her on Saturday after six but Jade had work anyway. She had a sneaking suspicion that Cat was having casual sex with Andre; this was later confirmed when Cat texted her after six “I just had sex with Andre!” She spent most of Saturday morning cleaning her house. She was so fucking bored she even went out and weeded their ancient flowerbed.

Mr. Hernandez was out smoking on his porch; he waved at her. Jade crossed the street to go and talk to him. “Where’s Big Backpack?” Mr. Hernandez asked her.

Jade rolled her eyes and tried not to smile too much. She guessed that was his nickname for Robbie. “He’s at his dad’s house this weekend.”

“Seems like a nice kid. He keeps you out of trouble?”

“Yeah, he’s all right.”

“You want to eat lunch with me, kid? All my grandkids hate me.”

“Sure,” Jade said. Mr. Hernandez showed her how to make tortillas. He had apple soda in his fridge; he was clearly the coolest grandpa and his grandkids were stupid. She had work at two and she said bye to Mr. Hernandez and went to catch the bus.

Work was busy because it was Saturday night; Tobi kept messing up orders and taking Emily’s trays. Jade and Emily rolled their eyes at each other. They took their break together at eight and shared a cigarette on the bench in the parking lot. They talked about how much they missed Stella taking their trays and their GoFundMe for Maria; they were going to show her at the end of the month. Cat and Andre had shared it on all of their social media accounts because they knew the most people. They’d gotten almost a thousand dollars so far. It definitely wasn’t enough for hospital bills when you had no insurance, but it was a good amount, Jade and Emily thought.

She called Robbie once she got home from work. She figured maybe he’d want to hear from her. “Hey, what’s up?”

“Hey!” Robbie said. He sounded surprised. Not in a bad way, Jade hoped. It was a little past eleven; she wondered if he’d been sleeping already like a grandpa. “How are you, did you just get home?”

“Yeah, Craig gave me this really soggy grilled cheese to eat, I regret it.”

Robbie laughed a little. “I guarantee you I’d be regretting it more.”

“Gross, I know you would. Hey, my water’s back on!” Jade told him.

“Oh, that’s great!”

“Yep.” Jade was in her bathroom now, sitting on the counter by the sink. “I am gonna take a bath and read my last VC Andrews book like a thirty-eight year old mom.”

Robbie laughed. “That’s so hot, do you have any cherry soda you can drink out of a wine glass?”

“Oooh,” said Jade. They probably had real wine she could drink out of a wine glass; the cherry soda was very appealing though. “Probably not, I haven’t been shopping. How are you, how’s your dad’s?”

“Oh, it’s okay.” Robbie instantly sounded subdued. Jade wondered if they’d had any arguments so far or if Robbie’s dad had told him what a huge disappointment he was already.

“Okay sounds promising.”

“My dad was out all day, Alice and I had to go shopping with his hot secretary girlfriend.”

“What was he doing?”

“Um. I don’t really care?” Robbie said.

Jade chewed on her lip. “Okay.”

“Sorry,” Robbie said. “Sorry, I don’t – um, I don’t really want to talk about my dad. It was, um it was a really long day. Sorry.”

“That’s okay.” She could definitely understand that. “Um, do you want me to go? Were you sleeping like a grandpa?”

“No, Jade, I was not sleeping!” Robbie said in an unconvincing tone; it made Jade laugh. “No, I really wasn’t sleeping, I was um writing you your letter. That’s okay, right?”

“Yup,” Jade said. She felt glad that he’d been thinking of her and not sleeping like a grandpa. She still felt bad for being a huge bitch the other day. “Hey, we’re okay, right?”

“Um, I thought so? Are we not okay?”

“No, we’re okay,” Jade said. They were very eloquent. “I was just checking.”

Robbie laughed a little. “Okay.”

“Okay, I do really want to take my bath,” Jade told him.

“I am so, so sad I am not there.”

“No, dude, our bathroom’s gross. I just cleaned it too. I feel like there’s always cat hair on the floor and we totally don’t have a cat.”

Robbie laughed. “Okay, that’s kind of weird.”

“You should feel really privileged, I haven’t told anyone else about this mysterious cat hair on the bathroom rug.”

“I do feel privileged. You should send me a picture of it. Also of you in the bathtub. For, for science.”

Jade laughed. “Science of your dick. Bye, loser.”

“Wait!” Robbie said. “Are you going to send me the picture?!”

Jade hung up on him.

 

Jade worked on Sunday too; she called Craig and asked him if he needed her to come in. He sounded a little surprised but said sure, she could pick up the mid-morning shift. It got slow after noon and she and Craig and Emily leaned on the drinks counter, looking at Reddit articles on Emily’s phone. Craig let her and Emily take home the rest of the desserts from the cake box display; they kept cakes and cupcakes for three days before they chucked them on Sundays and Thursdays. Jade went home and ate stale chocolate cake for dinner and watched one of the horror movies Robbie’d given her on Friday. She had a bunch of his movies laying around everywhere and two of his hideous t-shirts somehow.

She kind of wanted to call him again but forced herself to stop. They were hanging out tomorrow anyway and she needed to not be clingy, especially since she’d just yelled at him a couple days ago for needing to know what she was doing all the time. She washed her sheets finally; even though they smelled like sex they also smelled like Robbie and she liked that. Now they only smelled like Cheer laundry detergent which was okay.

Robbie was running late for school in the morning; he sent her two unpunctuated texts so she knew he was really late. She was going to just take the bus but Cat and her brother pulled up in their huge old car as she walked outside. Cat’s brother had his rap music playing loudly; on his porch Mr Hernandez shook his head and made a silly face at her.

Jade found Robbie at his locker and jumped on him. “AHHH!” said Robbie. He dropped his backpack to catch her. “Hello!”

“Hi, I missed you,” Jade said before she could stop herself. She let Robbie put her down and gave him his backpack.

Robbie was smiling at her. “I missed you too,” he said.

Cat was taking a picture or maybe, even worse, a video of them on her phone. “First PDA in the hallway!” she said happily.

“Gross, shut up,” Jade said as Robbie laughed. She needed to control herself more; Cat always had her stupid camera ready. Sikowitz loomed dangerously in the hallway and the three of them ran into Improv.

School took forever and then Jade finally got to go to Robbie’s house. Craig was being awesome and wasn’t making them work tonight. Maria’s son was finally back to clear tables, but only for a few hours a week. They had a long conversation about Maria and her son and his two kids on the drive to Robbie’s house; Jade was pretty sure he still lived with Maria and her other daughter and her daughter’s kids. “That is so many people!” Robbie said. They were super interesting. At least they had shared interests; gossiping about coworkers was one of them.

Alice was home early because of teacher conferences and she talked to Jade and bugged Robbie for a few minutes to make her a sandwich. Alice finally disappeared with her grilled cheese; Robbie sighed heavily. “Oh my god, she was such a brat this weekend.”

“Really?” Jade said. She felt surprised; usually Robbie and Alice got along pretty well.

“She is so mean to my dad’s girlfriend; she’s too much like my dad sometimes. He treats people like crap and she, she thinks it’s okay.” Robbie frowned. “I, you know what, we don’t have to talk about it.”

“Okay,” Jade said. She didn’t know if he really meant that or if he wanted her to press him. She knew she got annoyed when Robbie asked her too much stuff about her mom and family, but he wasn’t like her; he was sensitive. “Hey, so what is your dad’s girlfriend’s name anyway?”

Robbie rolled his eyes. “Penelope!” he said like a curse word.

Jade laughed. “Ewww. Really? Okay, we can keep calling her hot secretary girlfriend. Is she really hot?”

Robbie made a stupid face at her. “Not as hot as you. Why did you not send me a picture in the bathtub?!”

“Robbie. I do not send nudes,” Jade told him seriously. “I’ve watched enough TV shows and they are total blackmail material.”

“I wouldn’t do that! I would treasure the nudes! I would hoard them, like a dragon!”

“I know you would,” Jade said. He still wasn’t getting them. She didn’t need the stupid scar on her shoulder immortalized and ruining a naked picture. She drummed her hands on the countertop. “Okay okay. Can you stop being a pervert for two minutes?”

“No,” said Robbie. “Absolutely not! Ninety seconds at most.”

“Come on, dude! I want to give you your big present!”

Robbie looked surprised. “You got me something?”

“Ooooh my god, you’re an asshole.” Jade said. She dug around in her backpack; she had even wrapped it so to make it as awkward as possible for Robbie. It actually succeeded in making her feel kind of awkward too as he opened it and started looking at all the movies in their tin case. “Do you like it? It’s the 70s, there’s boobs. We can return it if you want. You can pick something else out.”

Robbie was grinning at her. “YOU’RE SO AWESOME!” he said. “Thank you so much! This is so cool.” He gasped loudly. “Oh my god, _The Sentinel._ ”

“I know, I know,” Jade said. She felt really proud again. “Are there boobs in that one?” she asked him.

Robbie leaned over the counter and kissed her; they almost knocked the sugar bowl over. “I think so, I’m pretty sure. I think there are gratuitous lesbians too.”

“Yesss!” said Jade. Gratuitous lesbians were always the best lesbians. “Also, no wonder you like it.” Robbie laughed. He dragged her up to his room and gave her her big present; it was not his penis though she wanted that too. He hadn’t wrapped it because he was a lame boy. She saw that it was a Nintendo DS before he even turned around and started yelling. “OH MY GOD! ROBBIE! Give it to me!” Then she really hoped Alice wasn’t listening in her room.

Robbie laughed at her again; he looked kind of nervous. “It’s, it’s not new or anything. I saw you playing it at Cat’s for two hours, I thought you might want your own. I got you Llama Crossing too, you can be neighbors with Cat.”

“YES!” Jade said. She loved Llama Crossing; all the animals were so cute. Cat had a huge farm. Jade had rearranged all her crops in a much better order last week. “Dude, you’re so fucking cool, I never would have got this for myself.”

“I mean, I guess that’s the point of a present.” Robbie still looked nervous. “Do you care that it’s pink? I know you wear black all the time to commemorate your brother, but I just figured I should get you this instead of the – “

Jade laughed at him. It was probably the first time ever she’d laughed about something someone’d said about Wyatt. “Shut up, I do not.”

Robbie gave her a Look. “Come on. He is so cool.”

It made her feel a little weird that Robbie was saying is instead of was. Wyatt was cool, though. Is, had been. “Thanks, he was,” she said.

“Do you have his leather jacket? That he was wearing in the videos.”

Jade looked at her big present. She was sitting on Robbie’s bed with a cool gaming system and she didn’t want to make herself all depressed and upset. Wyatt had died in that jacket; she could see it in her dreams, in rips and shreds over his arm. “Nope,” she said slowly. “I … don’t.”

“Okay,” Robbie said right away. She wondered if he could tell she’d gotten upset in two seconds. “Do you, uh, you want to play your game?”

“Yes please!” Jade said.

“Wow, very polite, turns out all I have to do is spend a hundred dollars on you.”

Jade scowled. “This was a hundred?” She’d only spent eighty bucks on his movies; she’d wanted to be the one to spend more money.

“Uhhhh,” said Robbie. “I don’t, I don’t know, is that good or bad?”

“Never mind! Where are my llamas?” Robbie laughed and gave her the game. She laid on his bed while he went through his movies and set up her little farm village. “I named my first llama after you, he’s an Arabic Longhair,” she told him.

“That’s wonderful, thank you,” Robbie said. Jade tapped on little Robbie the llama. Ugh, so cute. She played for a half hour and then turned the game off.

“Okay, I’d like to have sex now,” she announced.

Robbie looked up, surprised; he’d been letting her play and had been kind of cleaning his room around her. Then he smiled. “You’re really romantic,” he told her.

Jade stretched out on his bed; she hoped she looked seductive and not totally stupid. “I know.”

“Don’t you want me to take you to dinner first?”

“Hmm.” Jade thought about it. “I want a pizza, though.”

“Oh. Hmm. Okay, yep, we should actually have sex first then.” Jade started laughing; she grabbed him by the sleeve of his tree hoodie and pulled him towards her on the bed. Robbie smiled at her. He was smiling so much that he couldn’t even kiss her right for a couple minutes. Finally he started kissing her back and sighed when she put her tongue in his mouth.

Jade pulled him out of his hoodie. “I wore my sexy bra and shaved my legs for you,” she told him. “Can we really have sex even though Alice is here?”

“You’re so wonderful, I think that’s the most effort anyone’s ever went through in their life for me,” Robbie said. “I locked my door and gave her my laptop, she is hunting dragons.”

“Awesome.” Jade was pulling his shirt off. It got stuck on his head and made her laugh a lot. They had sex really slow and she let him say his romantic shit to her. He went down on her first and it was really good; she always felt super awkward when guys (okay, Beck, she was super experienced) went down on her but Robbie made her feel pretty awesome. They had sex and she kissed him a lot; she could taste herself on his mouth but it wasn’t bad. His bed squeaked a lot like he was fucking her really hard even though he wasn’t. It kept making her laugh. She dug her nails into his back and ran her hands through his hair. She loved having sex with Robbie and touching Robbie; she wished she was sure and could say she loved him back when he mumbled it into her neck.

They finished having sex and laid on his bed all messy for a while. Jade ran her hands through his hair; she guessed she really did love his crazy stupid hair at least. He did kind of look like her little llama in Llama Crossing. Ugh, so cute, she thought again. “Can we get pizza now?”

“Hmm,” Robbie said. “Yeah, I guess you’ve earned your pizza.”

Jade pinched him. “You asshole.”

Robbie laughed. They got cleaned up and went out and got their pizza; they even took Alice with them. It probably wasn’t a really romantic anniversary dinner but Jade was having so much fun. Alice kept taking the pepperoni off of Robbie’s slices while he was gazing at Jade and mooning over her; he looked surprised over three slices of pizza and yelled at Alice each time. Then they all very romantically drove to the bank so that Jade could open up her first bank account and get a debit card.

“Now I don’t have to carry a creepy amount of cash on me in case my mom forgets to pay a bill,” Jade said as they were getting back into the car. “Also I can buy you shit on eBay.”

Robbie was making a ‘Your Mother is Horrible’ face but didn’t say it. “Yeah, it, it is useful,” he said.

Jade leaned across her seat and kissed him; Alice squealed in disgust in the backseat. “Happy three months,” she said.

Robbie smiled like a huge dork. “Happy three months,” he said too. It was dark out but Jade was pretty sure he was blushing.

“Robbie, you look super stupid,” Alice informed him. “Can we get dessert?”


End file.
